To dislike my mil despite not wanting to dislike her?

[retun]

It’s exhausting. I don’t want to dislike her, but I’m prone to rumination and after she’s said something stupid for the hundredth time I end up thinking about it nonstop.

I’d really like to be able to ignore her existence entirely, except for the times when I actually have to socialise with her.

Her latest comment was regarding my tipple of choice and how I ‘can put it away’. I do tend to drink more when in her company, funny that!

My MIL can be like this - little digs often out the blue rest of time okay company.

I hit my limit when kids were young and had had about a decade of it under my belt - stopped watching my toungue apparently I have quite a sharp tounge. We tend to polite now though evey so often she sucks up then out blue get more digs - though increasingly DH gets them to.

I was slow to realise she competes with all women in her orbit on quite bizzare things - and some of it was that.

Every so often I don't realised she got in my head. Last time drove DD1 mad as MIL suddenly had a go at me for not getting a quite heavy cast iron item up to her uni - we don't drive getting everything up was a challenge - I went into guilt loop till DD1 pointed out she wasn't asking and didn't want the item.

Having guest over is stressful for me - part of that my parent comment evey visit however prestine the house making comments about mess but MIL has habit of suddenly insiting when Dh and I are busy getting ready to host seem obscure task has to be done in our house - and then starting in diverting us and stressing us out - I now completely ignore go elsewhere and she no longer does it.

I'd have probably gone with a joking well you drive me to it - tinkerly laugh - I thought they'd be load of fall out when I answered MIL back - FIL and DH didn't hear my comments like they apparently missed all hers and she never quite had confidence to answer back more - or a long stare and call out her comment a what do you mean - ie put it back on her.

Yes. I’m learning that asking for clarification is the best way forward. It will stop any misunderstandings hopefully.

You may be one of the very few women your age she knows. You will have different ways of doing things to women of her generation which may be of interest to her, ie. comment-worthy. It doesn't necessarily mean she is being a bitch by asking you about things, I don't think. All male groups tend to converse with each other totally different to all female or mixed groups so perhaps she's just absorbed a more direct, "banter"y sort of way of talking to others.

This is such a good saying and I have definitely reached this point with some people in my life. Love how you've just put this into words.

Maybe not but she routinely makes me feel upset.

I used to drink a lot more than I should have when staying with my in-laws, because I felt so uncomfortable in their company and was using it as a coping/survival mechanism. Unhealthy and unhelpful, I know.

Several years after basically giving up booze (or cutting down to very very little and never drinking around them) I still get "WHAAAAT?? YOU don't want a glass of wine???? But you LOVE a drink!!!" every time I politely refuse. Get's my goat it does. It's said to belittle for sure.

Hmm - I had a “friend” like this in Year 11 (by friend I really mean that she and I were the only two in our class to take the same slightly weird GCSE combination so we were stuck with each other). It was “death by paper cut”. Nothing she said was awful in its own - it was just that every other comment was a teeny tiny dig.

I’m naturally quite “dreamy” and live a lot in my own head so one time I completely missed what she said and so said “sorry - what was that” and she wouldn’t repeat it.

So after that I did the same thing pretty much every time. Never once did she repeat it.

Luckily after GCSEs she went to a different sixth form and I never had to see her again. (Although snogging the lad she had fancied all through year 10 and 11 at one of the sixth form parties was particularly enjoyable! 😂)

Another one was ‘you don’t eat meat but you like roast chicken crisps???!!!’ complete with a massive eye roll.

Everything I do seems to piss her off

This sounds like my mother! The constant irritating, passive aggressive comments and observations about me! The amount of eye rolls I've done about her comments in my life is off the scale! The thing is - i never bite back because thats not me to be nasty or spiteful! Like you, I am shocked when she says things and always think of something to say later! I hit perimenopause and thought- bugger this! I hit back a few times and she had the cheek to say im too sensitive!!!! Ive now distanced myself, tell her barely anything about my life and I am much happier

Also, I don't understand why some women are like this! Surely they can see they are rude and disrespectful. If you have nothing nice to say ....shut up unless we ask for your opinion!!