Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

She has. It's in second paragraph of the first post.

There’s a link to some advice here if not already posted.

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/sextortion/sextortion-help-and-support/

The brain is not fully developed at that age so he didn’t make a decision in the way you or I would, and even then adults over 25 with developed brains still fall victim to this.

Happened to.my grandson, he told his mum who called police. They said they probably wouldn't leak them and they didn't. Big wake up call though, this needs to be spoken about in schools. Don't lecture him too much he needs too know he can talk to you about anything.

It is spoken about in schools.

@worriedmum223 thanks for posting this.

I know you were seeking advice but sharing your son's experience (anonymously) is so useful to all of us.

My son is a bit younger but I'm going to talk to him about this. Understanding the process and techniques they use is really helpful and something we all should know about.

Because however much we think we can protect them, this can happen to anyone.

You've clearly done a good job because he's told you.

Is it? Not in my son’s secondary school so maybe it’s not nationwide.

He has never heard of this scam before we just spoke about it.

So we can see who couldn't be bothered to read beyond the first paragraph!
🤔🤔🤔

This happened to a friend’s son. The best thing they did was 1) tell the scammer who cares? How can you prove it was him etc. Because they can’t really.

These people are the lowest of the low. Tell them you’re going to the police. So sorry this happened. Tell your son it is happening everywhere. All parents should know this is going on and all schools should be talking to teens about this. My friend had heard of three other cases from people she knew. She watched her son like a hawk for weeks because she was terrified of how upset he was but he forgot about it and got no more messages from them

You need to drill into him (and any other people with sons) that when they think they are talking to a pretty girl online, there's a high probability that it is a Nigerian man conducting a sextortion scam.

Before the MN bitches take me down for being 'racist,' maybe read the BBC expose here:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czrpedexleno

Thank god he has admitted it and has your support, it could have ended so badly. I literally have just finished listening to this podcast where a sextortionist caused two deaths. Just awful.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/series/m002jsfw?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Hi it happened to my son when he was 17 and in the middle of his A levels, thankfully he didn't hand over any money or his bank details. I didn't report it apart from to Instagram who didn't care. He blocked the person and didn't hear anymore. I was just so thankful that he came and woke me at 2 am to tell me straight away. I still feel sick at the thought of him doing something to himself.

I can't get over how gullible kids/ young people must be to do this even with constant warnings and education - not judging OP, I'm also worried about preventing this when my kids have phones. It just doesn't seem to go in how bad it is to do this no matter what someone says in a message!

These people are scum & my friends son had a similar situation & he was 13 & like you despite lot's of discussion & I can tell you he was a very 'sensible' lad he sent pictures as requested. I'm so glad he told you & I agree with others please praise him to coming to you for help, I can just imagine how awful he must feel. Xx

Poor lad.

@MadisonMontgomery @ClawsandEffect @SeekOIt @Eyeshadow and anyone else I may have missed. Please stop using the term CP. Please. I know it used to be acceptable but, thank God, times move on and it’s now recognised as the deeply hurtful and offensive phrase it always was. It’s now referred to as images of CSA. Using that phrase is just as unacceptable as using the R word to refer to someone with SEN, or any number of racist terms to refer to anyone who isn’t white. It’s on that level of wrong.

OP, thank God for the bank notifications. A really good idea for anyone who hasn’t already got them in place. You’ve been given some brilliant links and I agree with the majority that they’re unlikely to waste their time sharing these images, especially if they know that the parents are aware and there is zero chance of them getting any money, but he’s probably going to feel better about it if he has a plan in place ready to deal with it. What a couple of the others have suggested is a good idea. I’d be telling him to say that they got his face and his voice because they tried to scam him, he recognised it as a scam straight away and told them to fuck off, and the rest of it was AI, and why are they watching fake videos of him, isn’t that a bit weird?

Yes, he was daft. But there’s a reason these scammers tend to target younger people for this sort of crime. The same as they target older people with fake love scams and hacked bank account scams. It’s because it works. Who was that comedian it happened to? Joel Dommett maybe? He did a whole program about it. He’s not the first and he won’t be the last. Hopefully nothing will come of it and he’ll have learnt a valuable lesson before he starts doing something similar with a girlfriend.

Your poor little lad. Take great care of him and reassure him that he's the victim here and these criminals are actual monsters. Sending love OP, agree v unlikely the images will be leaked as there's no benefit to the scumbags if they do, it's a numbers game for them.

Hi I've not ready all comments but just want to say this happened to my 13 year old son earlier this year it's horrific they also threatened to come to his school to kill him if he didn't send money so was absolutely terrified. They knew his school which we think the got from snap maps. Never share your location. The photos did not get shared and we have got through it though I didn't want to let him out my sight for a while.
The police weren't able to do much as they said these apps normally only give info in cases of murder and even then it's hard.

As others have said, the scammers just want easy money. It is highly unlikely that they will do anything with the photos. If it’s any consolation, I know of many much older people who have fallen for this.

What usually happens is, if they pay, the scammers ask for more and make empty threats. If the number is international, it is unlikely that the police will be able to help, but it is still good that you reported it, in case that number has come up before. It is horrible and I’m sorry you’re all going through it.

Unfortunately, as parents we can’t protect our children from everything and however many times we tell them, sometimes they have to learn the hard way. In my experience, some of the stricter parents who thought they were most in control of their children actually drove them to be secretive and then break out in a big way when they got their freedom. It is good that your son could talk with you.

Your poor son. I’m sure you’re taking extra special care of him, with lots of hugs and comfort, and maybe some treats. He’s been the victim of a horrible assault and whilst not physical, he must be feeling very vulnerable, and certainly he is not to be victim blamed for being attacked in this way.

My friend’s family lost their beloved son to sextortion. Please thank your son for trusting you. I wish all young boys felt able to. You sound a wonderfully supportive mum in horrific circumstances. Just be a team with him. Be so grateful he’s come through it without proper tragedy as not everyone is so lucky. You should feel proud of the relationship you have with him.

Change his phone number and email so he's effectively starting a clean sheet. Make a bigger deal of his courage in eventually telling you what was happening than the mistakes he has made. Point out that you have been able to help and support him and you will always do that. Get him involved in working out what should happen now.

The scammers are unlikely to waste time spreading his pictures because they they'll be moving on to their next target. Tbh pictures can be so easily faked now that nobody's safe but I wouldn't mention that to your DS!

yeah not the best decision of his life but the fact you and he should hold on to is that scammers run scams BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FUCKING GOOD AT IT. Sensible adults, people in prestigious jobs, people with commonsense coming out of their ears, all kinds have been the victims of scams. Maybe reframe "not to trust" and "he's not as sensible" into "we all of us can be helped to avoid such things happening to us by being supported by those closest to us."

This sounds awful poor boy!
Was his face also in the pics?
I’d change his number and email address and delete TikTok. I’d hope once they realise they’re getting nothing they’ll give up.
Social media is scary that’s for sure :-(

Change his number and email address then they can't contact him. That's what I would do.

Call the police. This happened to my DS' best friend. Police were absolutely bloody brilliant.