Teen son been a victim of a scam

[worriedmum223]

NC for this. Over the weekend my ds14 has been the victim of a sextortion scam. He was contacted on Tik Tok by someone posing as a girl who coerced him into sending nude photos. As soon as they had them they threatened to leak them to his Tik Tok contacts unless he paid money. My son did not initially tell us, but we had notifications from his bank account of him trying to access money which prompted a discussion and despite initially lying about the reason, he did eventually come clean.

I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked. He was beside himself and in tears. I’ve never seen him so shaken. I have drilled into him from a young age the dangers of social media and how you never speak to strangers and certainly never share personal information or photos. I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today but trying to keep my son out of it for now because he is so mortified and upset.

I am worried on a number of counts.

Firstly if they do actually leak the photos which would be horrific for him. Although I’m led to believe this is rare and they are more likely to just move onto the next victim when they realise it’s a dead end.

Secondly if they try to contact him again now that they have his number and email address (all contact via Tik Tok and WhatsApp has been blocked but they could find other ways). His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

Thirdly whether he could be in trouble himself for sending and asking for explicit photos at his age.

But mostly the emotional impact this could have on him. He was so embarrassed and upset. The fact he didn’t initially feel like he could be honest has upset me. And of course that he did this full stop. I get teenage boys have raging hormones but it’s such a stupid and out of character thing for him to do.

Please no lectures about social media. All of his friends have it, it’s part of life and I really thought I’d done a good job educating him about the dangers. If anyone else has been through this please let me know your experience and what happened next.

Your poor boy, @worriedmum223 - what a horrible experience for him and for you. I honestly don’t think you should be blaming yourself - the fact that he was able to tell you about it, even if it wasn’t straight away, shows you have a good relationship with him.

Teenagers go through a time where their brains are retiring, and during that time they do lose some abilities, which can explain why they do more reckless things without having second thoughts. Sadly this makes them easy prey for vile scammers like the ones who targeted your boy.

I suspect that the previous posters who have said the scammers are unlikely to follow through on their threat - they will just move on to some other poor kid.

She has called the police. It's in the first post!

It's very difficult with cybercrime due to vpn's, dark Web browsers and lack of cooperation or agreements within international criminal justice agreements.

This is the way forward - @worriedmum223 get your son to
read this. He could even pre-empt the scammers by sharing a post about being scammed and warning his mates, thus taking away the blackmailer’s power. If he approaches it with the attitude of ‘yeah, i shared some pics with a girl i fancied who turned out to be some loser lying about their identity, sue me’ then that removes both a lot of the scammer’s power and the power of his mates to
take the piss.

(obviously behind the scenes you emphasise that he’s 14 and shouldn’t be sharing anything - but in terms of damage control/his ego, the above might be a good public approach)

There's a very good radio series on the BBC about the Hustle Kingdoms, which are schools teaching young men in Nigeria how to run these scams

Be kind to yourself OP, you have not failed in the slighest. Your child was targeted by criminals and made an error in judgement, it could happen to anyone of us 💐

This will hopefully be a massive lesson for him and any mates he tells. He isn’t the first to fall for this and sadly he’s not likely to be the last. He will probably be feeling stupid long after the panic fades. I’d remind him that grown adults, trained professionals, fall for scams. Keep emphasising that he did the right thing by telling you, and that he must never give in to blackmailers.

Our DS2 was part of a group who did something stupid online when 14. He wasn’t a main offender but had to take part in sessions at school with the community police liaison officer. He learned his lesson and has been sensible ever since. We were all reminded to check their phones regularly.

His phone has been removed at the moment but he will need it back at some point and I can’t monitor it all the time ( when he’s at school etc).

“Need” is an elastic word. What does he actually need, from you and his dad, from his school, or from a trusted adult (counsellor etc).

What research have you now done on guardrails for devices? Are you aware of the various methods other parents use to protect their children from predators? There are so many more resources available now. So much more support than from even a few years ago.

If you want to protect him more, you can, without having to “monitor all the time.”

I just don’t think it is fair on children to say “we warned you” and not take any further steps when there are whole charities dedicated to this issue.

There’s a Guardian article this week about the massive rise in men seeking therapy for out of control porn usage and addiction. Of course, this is what happens when children have open access to devices.

It’s not too late, you can still help and protect him from further harm.

Well, he’s got himself banned from Snapchat or TikTok or whatever you said. It was just give him a dumb phone.

This happened to my friend in work he is late 20s he called their bluff and told everyone just in case and they never leaked any photos at all x he was understandably upset and embarrassed but in the end he styled it out it seemed like the end of the world at first now he looks back and laughs slightly xx

You're a good mum please don't beat yourself up it can happen to anyone. When we were teenagers we left our houses and walked in to danger, these days those same dangers are online. Thank you for coming here and looking for advice and a hand hold. You are helping bring awareness to today's dangers for young people because our youngsters will always take risks and push boundaries until they get into trouble. My 10 year old asked me if he can sign up to tiktok I told him nope there's too many loons on there. It's only because I was signed up to it a couple of years ago I wouldn't want him watching that rubbish. Your son is not 10 and he thought he could handle it. Don't blame yourself it could happen to anyone. Most youngsters think they are experienced enough to handle anything and what they don't realise adults get caught out as well (Brad Pitt scam).

Ah op I'm so sorry you're all going through this, it's every parents worst nightmare and the reality is that the only thing we can REALLY do to equip our children properly is to tell them to come to us if this happens. Even with all the other precautions, this is still possible for any child which is the depressing and scary part.

I would imagine that your son will be cautioned by police for creating an image of a minor (legal red tape and all that, i don't think they have a choice in that) but it will not be progressed as he is the victim here ultimately so it won't create a long term issue in that respect.

Hopefully the police can give him some reassurance and investigate but if international this is hard to trace. What I would be doing in the meantime is talking to him about how often this happens. How common it is even though noone talks openly about it so he knows this isn't just him he's been very unlucky and will learn from it. But plenty of other teens are going about their day having been in his exact shoes.

I hope karma comes back to bite these scumbags who target our most vulnerable in this way.

This happened to someone I know. He needs to just ignore it and they will get bored and go away.

My reading comprehension is clearly lacking today.

This happened to my son age 11 we contacted the police and after a year or so the man was arrested and charged with multiple child secual offences
he’s serving 22 years in prison
it took a long time but we are so glad we reported it
my son is now 17 and he’s absolutely fine and if it’s reassures you the perpetrator was pathetic and only 22 and just a horrible human being - if I can help at all please message me - it’s a long time ago now but it hasn’t been as devastating as I first thought and it was exactly the same scenario that you describe here

I can't criticise re social media as I let my now young adult dc use it when your son's age. I don't know anyone who didn't

you sound a really fab, level headed mum, your DS is lucky to have u - give him a huge hug - he’s not the first and won’t be the last and he will come through the other side

You need to read the post:

OP's first post:

"I have contacted the police and am meeting with them later today..."

A friend who teaches told me recently about this happening to two boys at her school. She’s in safeguarding. She said in both cases they self reported to CEOPS who were hugely helpful. Sorry someone may already have mentioned and I’m a bit foggy on what they do (my kids are much younger) but I just remember that bit of what she told me.

Lots of police forces have specialised units for this kind of thing - it’s sadly common - also I would highly advise telling the safeguarding team at his school - they are likely to have come across this before and can give your son some extra support

Not sending nude pictures over the Internet.
Not trusting strangers online.

These things are spoken about in schools all the time.

I don't think it's covered as much as you think in secondary schools. It might get a mention in PSHE that lesson covers a variety of current issues. He might have been away with the fairies in that lesson when it was spoken about.

The Aussies are right to ban social media to under 16s

I agree with that. We thought ours was sensible at 14 - evidently we were wrong.

I'm so sorry for you son. I'm sure you've provided endless reassurance for him.
Well done for contacting the police. Follow their guidance.
I'm 99.9% sure the scammed won't leak them and like everyone else is saying, they will move onto the next victim. If and the is a very big IF, in the unlikely event they were leaked, just tell everyone they're AI generated and your son didn't pose for them, they've simply taken some of his profile picks and superimposed them via AI onto a naked body to blackmail him for money. Everyone now knows that this is perfectly plausible explanation and your son can hopefully move on xx