To think it was my curry?!

[Lolabear38]

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

That is so strange.

There are dishes that actually came from leftovers, like Bubble & Squeak, which I’m sure you have heard of?

I often host similar to you and yes I think it would have been nice of them to pay for the meal since you hosted them for so many days. But I do find your behaviour odd, culturally, I’m asian and guests are treated like God, so we would put all the food out and see that our guests have enough and then only serve ourselves. We always refer to this as “family hold back”, in case any particular dish for some reason is very popular with guests or for some reason is smaller in quantity than other items on the menu. I can’t imagine eating my leftover curry while someone else looked on hungrily. It’s very rude behaviour!

They weren’t hungry they had food at their disposal. What made you think he was being left hungry?

It is rude to eat something without offering others, if you don’t want to share it then eat it once they have left. I can’t imagine eating something and refusing to give it to my guests. That is just really bad manners!

This was me who suggested picking at the leftovers and eating the curry later.

Yes it probably is bonkers, especially if you wouldn’t have the chance until very late. But personally I’d feel rude heating up my curry and not offering to share it, while giving my guests something else.

Not as rude as your guest was mind you - not by a long shot. But still, it’s not something I would do. Hence the eat it later suggestion.

Cheeky fucker.

I am fascinated that your husband has been to university yet cannot follow a recipe. Now I accept that not everybody's bent is cooking but he can't possibly be that hopeless. His hopelessness has meant that you take over all the food preparation and cleaning up - even for his freeloading and rude friends.

Gosh. We’re still on this?

DH is a terrible cook. He can of course follow a recipe but for a variety of reasons, I’ve never liked any food he’s made me… ever. He doesn’t enjoy any aspect of cooking and it’s either over cooked, burnt, not cooked enough, or I just don’t like it. I do like cooking and I’m pretty good at it - so in our relationship, I do all of the cooking. I’m happy because I enjoy doing it and I like the food I make, he’s happy because he doesn’t have to do it and he enjoys the food I make. I could try and get him to do more cooking - he’d hate it and I would be miserable eating food I don’t like when I could be eating food I do like. Where’s the sense in that?!

In place of cooking, he balances the scales in many different ways including cleaning all the bathrooms (a job I hate and he doesn’t mind) and doing the bulk of the laundry (consisting of sorting clothes into colour, washing, drying, ironing and putting away - he’s a lot more thorough than I would ever be). We both play to our strengths - it’s team work and how this looks varies from marriage to marriage and that’s ok. He and I both do many other jobs/ take on responsibilities as well as cooking and cleaning/ laundry.

This is what works for us, in our relationship and it’s an arrangement that we’re both happy with. I’m genuinely bemused that some people can’t get their heads around it.

It was simply her share of her curry from the previous day which the guests had an entire curry to themselves. Why are they entitled to OP's curry when she was simply just finishing off the half she left?

It's rude and bad manners to demand the curry when you've already had an entire curry to yourself the previous day and plenty of other food is available.

Why would someone want to eat part of someone else’s meal that has been already been touched by the owner? Surely that’s not very hygienic?

Just wondering did they give you a gift when they arrived?

Because he was a greedy, self centred, ill mannered guest in someone’s home with minimal respect for woman and all the work OP has done hosting them.

Greed & ego overruled hygiene.

Who wants your friend’s wife’s half eaten left over curry? Do you want left over curry that belongs to your mate’s partner?

If it’s curry from a different day I’d probably have been prepared to reluctantly share it. If they’re under your roof the only have the food available to them so it’s a bit much watching you eat curry (on an entirely different day, its not like it’s the same night) while they get dry old samosas and Christmas cake again.

How lovely of you to call the takeaway food nicer than anything OP had prepared over the 5 days she’d worked hard for this ungrateful lot! OP wanted it because it was leftover from what she chose the night before. The greedy git wanted it because he’s a greedy git.

In fact thinking about it, he was being rude to her food as well by clearly putting it on a higher pedestal than her home cooking, although that’s the least he did wrong.

I agree that the man who asked for it was being cheeky, but I really don’t think OP’s behaviour is much better. It is bad manners on both their parts.

I don’t. But obviously the guy did want it as he asked for it?! Also not really sure why you make it sounds like it was contaminated as it was half eaten. It is curry, mostly served with a spoon into your own plate and eaten with rice/naan etc. How is it any different from any of the other leftovers put out by OP. She must have made them the day before and everyone would have served themselves off a serving dish. Also traditionally indian food is meant to be shared as it is usually rice/naan and a number of different curries. As local people here like to have individual portions restaurants some times try to cater to that but then you only get to taste one curry.

been a host does not mean you are a doormat to (DH)visitors. She is entitled to also eat and enjoy a leftover curry she had paid for! Especially after cooking for these visitors for 5 days- 3 meals a day with mains and deserts etc.
this was not a sleepover visit.

@Happilyobtuse I don't think it's bad manners to eat half of a curry which belongs to you. The guests had the same option to save half of their curry too but they didn't which is their choice.

They can't then expect to eat all of their curry and someone else's curry too.

Would people who say she should have let anyone of the six other people there share her left over curry think the same if it was her half eaten roast dinner, half eaten Cornish pasty or bowl of soup?

I can’t get my head round some posters.

Exactly. Not rocket science is it, though to some people it might as well be 🤨

Jesus, and here we have yet another bloody thread where the OP asks a simple question and people pile on to pick apart her actions, character and even her marriage!
She hosted these people for 5 DAYS, ffs! And yet somehow she’s a bad host and her “behaviour” is not much better than the cheeky git who was extremely rude.
@Lolabear38YANBU and I admire your calm manner in batting away some of the ridiculous picky responses on here.
You sound like a lovely host. Please may I come and stay? (I promise not to stay for 5 days or demand the food off your plate)

That is such a waste of food. We often have leftovers for lunch the next day. Last night we had bubble and squeek from Christmas dinner leftovers.

Nothing gets wasted in this house.

He wasn't implying the curry was better, he wanted some in addition to what op served

This is why I bought a small house.