I Hate Living Alone

[Beelineshmeeline]

I split from DH in July and he moved out after I found out about cheating, we have DC who is 6 and has disabilities. I'm struggling so much, the split was out of the blue and I have no idea how to get on with things.
But everyone keeps saying to me how nice it must be to live alone and get all this quiet time when DC isn't here or when they're in bed or at school, but I don't get it. I hate it. I've taken to having Alexas in almost every room to have the radio on because I can't bare the silence. When DC goes to bed or to my ex, I feel so lost. People come round to keep me company but then I dread them leaving. I hate coming home from work to an empty house, going to be alone, waking up alone, eating alone, watching TV alone.

I know it's early days, especially when we were together for 20 years and lived together for 18, but I don't want to be alone. I'm obviously nowhere near ready for another reactionship. But I never wanted to be on my own. I can't take a roommate in with DC. I even tried going to the pub alone and a local weight loss group yesterday, but again, I came home and felt more lonely than ever.

Does anyone just hate living alone? Or does the good come when I'm less of a heartbroken wreck?

What an idiotic comment to such a heartfelt post.

I totally understand how you feel OP, my dh left when my dc were 8 and 10, my youngest dc is severely autistic and at the time was non verbal, eldest high functioning autism. Despite having dc at home it was extremely lonely to begin with. I tried hard to reconnect with old friends but obviously have 2 dc it was hard to go out and socialise. When my dc went to their dads I would just sit and wait for their return.

It did get easier and eventually I found new friends, got new hobbies and the dc got older. The first 6 months to a year were the hardest. I missed just having another adult in the house, being able to talk about my day or discus the dc. It takes a while to get used to your own company, to find things to fill the gaps, but it does get easier I promise.

No-one is attempting to undercut the OP, obviously adjusting to living without an adult partner and co-parent in the house when you’ve been used to one is really hard, but it’s absolutely right to say that living with children in the house is not the same as living completely alone. Perhaps you need to have experienced living completely alone to understand the difference.

I completely sympathise with your situation. I too split up with by husband in July and now it is just me and DS 5 nights a week. He’s autistic and non verbal and it can be quiet and lonely. I really miss chatting to “D”H about our day and about DS. I miss us having food together and watching films in the evening. It is hard. I’ve got my routine and when DS is in bed I come downstairs, cook a nice tea, watch something on TV and transfer to my bed, watch more TV and eat ice cream in bed (because I can 🤣)
After work is when DS is with his Dad so I have a long bath (I can’t have baths with DS around) I have a glass of wine, listen to podcasts, I put music on and sit and sketch in the living room for an hour or so. I have nice food, text my friends then TV and ice cream in bed 🍦

I do gardening, writing, sketching, painting, baking and luckily I do enjoy my own company but it is a big adjustment to busy family life. I try to always have stuff to look forward to, I am also making my home as comfortable and cosy as possible especially my bedroom, it’s my sanctuary with books, a comfy bed, a kettle (!) and a big TV. No snoring man and no crusty underpants and no farts in bed (except when I fart 🤣)

Give yourself time to adjust. It’s hard and your mind will automatically want to return to what is familiar 💕

Would getting a lodger be helpful if you have a spare room?

I have experienced it. It was still a pointless, unhelpful comment that added nothing to the thread.

CaragianettE · Yesterday 21:46
No-one is attempting to undercut the OP, obviously adjusting to living without an adult partner and co-parent in the house when you’ve been used to one is really hard, but it’s absolutely right to say that living with children in the house is not the same as living completely alone. Perhaps you need to have experienced living completely alone to understand the difference.

I have experienced it. It was still a pointless, unhelpful comment that added nothing to the thread.

I've done both and it's entirely pertinent. Actually, my own experience is by the by - @CaragianettE is pointing out a salient fact. However sad the OP is, she does not live alone. The presence of the child mitigates what she might do to ease her loneliness, so it's relevant.

It's a relevant fact that was in the OP. There was no need for the first poster to be nit picky.

I think living alone is a learned process and doesn't come naturally to anyone (even solitary types like me). And you are having to do that while grieving the end of your marriage - it's going to take some time for you to get your bearings. In the meantime, don't go to the pub on your own - that's just punishing yourself. Suggest you focus on building up your network of single friends so you have lots of option for someone to do things with.

The title of the thread is plain enough.
If you can't get that saying you live alone when you manifestly don't then I have to wonder.

I do "get it". I'm not trying to deny that she technically doesn't live alone. If you can't get why nit picking and offering no other advice is unhelpful, then I have to wonder too 🤷‍♀️.

This is so true. I have been widowed for 7 years and it took years to reach this phase.
i was frightened to be alone, joined lots of things. But coming home to an empty house made me feel worse.
I now enjoy some little routines at home……..having special dinners in front of my favourite tv programmes , exercise classes on YouTube, sorting cupboards one shelf at a time .
You will get there. Xxxx