My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

[ClaxonRazon]

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

HNRTFT but just to say I have two sons in Australia. One sent me a video of the Sydney New Year fireworks about an hour after they happened. My lovely other son I still haven’t heard from..just accept that they are different people ,but both love their Mum .

???
This sounds CRAZY needy. He's 27.

Mother and MIL from hell alert. YABVVVU

I hate to agree with this but sometimes l don't call my mum for this reason- don't always want to spend an hour on the phone

Yes.. couldn't have put it better.

Well said…

it’s validation, connection & as the saying goes silence speaks a thousand words.

op… please scroll past the narrow minded cold hearted comments. Your feelings are validated. Most empty nesters will understand your hurt. It doesn’t mean you’re needy or dramatic by any means, you were looking for a sign that expresses a sense of ‘Mum, I maybe on holiday & its NY, I have fond memories of my childhood when we celebrated NY together, so I’m thinking of you & I love & appreciate you (not necessarily these words but that’s how a brief HNY MUM X, it would be perceived if you received a basic response.

the lack of contact from any loved one more so knowing that they can update their socials but not find a thought or need to respond to mum, also knowing that you would naturally worry about him being in another country. It doesn’t matter if your son was 1-100 yrs old, he’s still your baby boy.
(I can see the younger generations eye roll)

I think the newer generations don’t get this aspect of parenthood. They appear to be brainwashed by social media & we are seeing more & more situations where loving parents who have sacrificed themselves to ensure their children are loved, supported & protected, only for social media to twist their minds, rewrite history & convinces them to cut their parents from their lives.

This isn’t connected to your son, it’s just the new phase I’ve been seeing.

No doubt my comment if read.. will trigger an attack on my views.

I will hold on to the fact that I know I am far from needy & definitely not dramatic by any means. However, referring to OP only, I hear you & I validate your feelings. I would probably message my son again just to check in on how he is doing & then maybe one day when home & settled & when the conversation presents itself, I would gently express how sad you felt & the reasons why, hopefully, your son will take this on board & he will make an extra effort next year knowing how much it would mean to you.

that’s how friendships & relationships evolve & grow, it’s a shame these younger generations have been blindsided.

This. YABVU.

People love telling mums of adult sons that they're less important than the dirt on his shoe once he gets 'the main woman' in his life, and that expecting even a glance in her direction is an intolerable burden.
Sad to think that some of these people may actually be mothers of sons, and place so little value on themselves a 60 second message feels too much to ask.

YANBU to be a bit hurt, because it takes no time at all to send a quick reply. I'd like to think, no matter what age, my son will always think to wish me, especially when I text him first. He was at a party NYE but replied to my text pretty much straight away, he's 20.

So I think it's understandable you feel a bit hurt that he hasn't taken 30 seconds to send a reply to his mum.

This thread is cementing my view that family values and general good manners are slowly disappearing. I recently invited some v close family and friends to a get together at my house and was surprised that there were a small handful of people that didn't acknowledge my invitation nor take the time to reply. I find it shockingly rude.

I know I sound very old, but I'm early 40s!

If you’re that arsed that he might be unwell, which I suspect you don’t think is the issue you’re just pissed you didn’t get a reply, then just say “hi, are you ok? Just checking in as you didn’t reply” and be straight about it rather than roping your other son in and then posting it on an online forum 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s on holiday, not sitting on his couch at home ignoring you.

Just be happy your son is enjoying life!

He spent Christmas with you so feels he’s ticked the ‘mum’ box until at least after his holiday!

It might be upsetting to you, but don’t mention your upset to him when he gets back as you’ll start to dampen your relationship for ‘no-good’ reason. Move on and look forward to hearing about his holiday.

I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent

If this is your idea of not needy, I’d had to see what you think ‘needy’ looks like.

he is independent

I should fucking hope so, given that he’s 27.

@Florence19 that is super needy and clingy, and well add a touch of emotional blackmail. I like to think my kids want to reach out to me on NYE if we're not in the same place but if they don't that's fine, I don't expect to be at the forefront of their minds.

I ain't wished any family hny, I've been working both new years eve and day . Nobody wished me either. It doesn't bother me , its just another year, nothing special.

I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.

Why would your adult son call you on new years in the early hours? This is a smart phone problem. Before smart phones no one would expect their adult son to call them whilst on holiday, they’d just wait until they were back and catch up then.

You’ve lived an independent life without the intrusion of WhatsApp, cut your adult son some slack and let him do the same.

I think in light of recent fire I would be worried too ( only read first page he has probably surfaced now)

Do you know how easy it is, especially when out and about distracted, to open a message and not reply right away then forget because it doesn't show s an unread message?

I'd have trouble being this upset about this.

I don’t think I’ve wished anyone a happy new year! Is it mandatory?

I was working from 11pm - 5am (in a job where I'm not allowed to use my phone) so was a reasonable human being and didn't text anyone happy new year until I woke up at 2pm.

I would imagine he see it during the early hours so didn't want to disturb you and thought il send a msg tomorrow but forgot as hes on holiday

Why?

I totally get this. I have a good relationship with my 2 adult sons (both independent and in their 20s) and sent them both HNY texts just after midnight. As they were both at parties with friends I wasn’t expecting an instant reply but the younger one did reply almost immediately (clearly quite drunk!).
The older one still hasn’t replied. I’m not worried as I know he had plans to spend a few days with his girlfriend in her home country (Europe) so I’d certainly know if something had gone wrong. But I do feel a bit hurt that one of the 3 people I love most in the world can’t be bothered to spend a minute replying to a message. It just feels a bit uncaring.

I don’t know how old your sons are, but I don’t know anyone my age who sends HNY texts anymore. I see them as something of my parents’ generation and a bit old-fashioned, really.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if my son or daughter didn't say happy new year.

I’m 56 and my sons are 23 & 25. It’s not the HNY text in itself- I just think if you get any text with well wishes, even just ‘love you’/‘thinking of you’ type things it’s a bit rude and thoughtless not to reply at all.