Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

160 replies

ClaxonRazon · 02/01/2026 03:54

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

OP posts:
SomethingRattling · 02/01/2026 16:17

Truly OP at this moment you are being a needy parent. Give the man a break, he's just spent a lovely Christmas with you and is thinking of other things now.

Acommonreader · 02/01/2026 16:25

I have great relationships with my family but have never texted anyone’Happy new year’ in my life. Some people simply do not do this or feel it’s important.
Do you ask for a ‘ got on / off the flight / journey safely’ message too?

Tulcan · 02/01/2026 16:27

I've never in my fifty years wished anyone a happy new year.

Mydogisagentleman · 02/01/2026 18:21

OP.
We are in the same situation.
Except our DD has a personality disorder and appears to have gone NC.
I'm not going to be begging her for a crumb of contact.

brunettemic · 02/01/2026 18:25

Pathetic and needy.

whistlesandbells · 02/01/2026 18:37

I think you should leave a 27 year old son alone when he is on holiday and certainly not expect contact. Maybe he could or should have replied to a NY text, but I really think there is too much pressure to be continually reachable/responsive etc. It really irks me when people pester for a response when I am away and trying to relax, step back from the usual grind/routine.

Megapint · 02/01/2026 18:43

Fucking hell, there are some cold hearts on this thread. You're not pathetic or needy. It doesn't matter how old you are or how much fun you're having it takes two minutes to send your mum a Happy New year. I'd tell him oi you cheeky bugger next time you see him.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 19:10

Megapint · 02/01/2026 18:43

Fucking hell, there are some cold hearts on this thread. You're not pathetic or needy. It doesn't matter how old you are or how much fun you're having it takes two minutes to send your mum a Happy New year. I'd tell him oi you cheeky bugger next time you see him.

The flip side of that is that if it only takes two minutes, then it's clearly just a generic "because I have to" message that doesn't really mean anything.

ContentedAlpaca · 02/01/2026 19:14

Message him again and ask how his holiday is going.
Don't worry about the lack of greeting as people have different expectations around that and I would say that If he missed the moment because of being hungover or busy then they moment has passed. There's no need for a belated message.
Just carry on as normal.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/01/2026 19:32

Literally none of my DC have said happy new year to me yet. I was working over the bells.

Megapint · 02/01/2026 19:36

@vanillalattesYou can flip it however you like. If your mum sends you a happy new year, you reply. As for all the posters who have never in their life sent or received a happy new yr message,.I call bullshit. Families and friends are so spread out these days, and that's fantastic I'm happy my Loved ones are off living their lives,. meeting new people having amazing adventures. But it's the small acts and simple messages that keep us connected. A quick message to my kids means I love you,. I'm thinking of you l. If that equals needy and pathetic I'd rather that than join in the ' who cares less' competition these threads turn into.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 19:38

"You can flip it however you like. If your mum sends you a happy new year, you reply"

@Megapint no - that's what you choose to do. Doesn't mean everyone else has to do the same.

ContentedAlpaca · 02/01/2026 19:46

@Megapint that only works if you and your children have the same expectations and those expectations are made absolutely crystal clear. Otherwise you have disappointment, confusion and resentment if one of those parties shows their love in alternative ways.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 02/01/2026 20:08

YABU. He's 27, not 7.

ChicTealCat · 02/01/2026 20:55

Gosh! What a ridiculous, selfish attitude to have. It makes me wonder if you feel the need to compete with his gf and friends for his attention ? He’s on holiday, hopefully having a great time and you are miffed that he hasn’t replied to your text. Let him be to enjoy his holiday with gf and friends. It happens to the majority of our sons, they grow up and Mum is no longer the centre of their world and neither should she be - or would you rather he hung onto your apron strings. Get a grip and stop now before you damage the relationship with your son.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 02/01/2026 21:28

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 13:08

What about a happy birthday message. Fine to ignore that too?

Well, the strong probability is that the person wishing you happy birthday doesn't also have an imminent birthday themselves as well - so you'd be rather weird saying "Happy birthday to you too!" if their own birthday isn't for another 5 months!

If you just mean replying with a "thank you", you have to bear in mind that you're probably one of lots of people who've wished them happy birthday. It's a bit of a rubbish way to have to spend your birthday, replying with a 'thank you' to dozens of well-wishers, in case they're hoping to make your special day all about them.

Also, lots of people only send out 'happy birthday' messages as an auto-pilot thing - they don't really know or care if you do have a happy birthday or not. When I was briefly on Facebook, over a decade ago, it forced me to tell it when my birthday was when setting up an account. Mindful of privacy and abuse of personal data, I just chose 1st January as a default. I still get "Happy Birthday!" texts from people at the start of each year, who clearly have a Pavlovian response whenever their phone tells them something, without even thinking about it (my actual birthday is in the summer).

For all I know, there's probably a setting on FB that automatically sends a HB message to all of your contacts, without you even being aware of it. It doesn't get much more personal or heartfelt than that!!

WanderlustMom · 02/01/2026 21:32

Honestly he’s probably just having a busy, fun time and it’s slipped his mind. Really isn’t a big deal - you spent a lovely Christmas so I think that’s more important than a text

MrsMe1978 · 02/01/2026 22:08

He probably saw the message really late and didn’t want to wake you up, then forgot that he hadn’t replied. I’ve done that myself 🫤

TheignT · 02/01/2026 22:12

I've got three sons. Not heard a word off any of them for NY. Saw them all round Christmas so not too worried. I'm sure they will be in touch soon.

LancashireSquirrel · 02/01/2026 22:20

I mean this with kindness, OP, but if you messaged HIM saying HNY, why does he need to reply? He probably saw it, thought it was nice (or thought nothing of it) and just carried on having fun. A HNY text does not need a response! I understand the concern, but as you’ve spoken to your other son, you now know you have nothing to be worried about.

As a daughter of a needy mother who texts A LOT, please don’t do this. You’ll push him away.

Jellybean23 · 02/01/2026 22:29

I'm afraid you are no longer the main woman in his life. We all have to accept that but it's normal. You risk coming across as needy if you message him again and once kids feel that way, they don't 'unsee' it.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/01/2026 22:31

Maybe he knows if he answers op she'll strike up a conversation that he can't be bothered with, who knows but a HNY text doesn't need a response.

SinksHole · 02/01/2026 22:33

People are cold here. My young adult kids sent me enthusiastic HNY messages around 0100. I would have felt sad if I had not heard from them at all by the 02/01.

LancashireSquirrel · 02/01/2026 22:34

TomatoSandwiches · 02/01/2026 22:31

Maybe he knows if he answers op she'll strike up a conversation that he can't be bothered with, who knows but a HNY text doesn't need a response.

That’s why most of the time I don’t reply, sadly. I know I’ll open the floodgates for more and more messages, so it’s easier not to reply. I’m not saying that’s you, OP. That’s just my experience.

FettleOfKish · 02/01/2026 22:40

labamba18 · 02/01/2026 06:12

I think there’s a generational difference in new years too. It’s just not a big deal for me (millennial) whereas for my parents and grandparents messaging at midnight was always the done thing! I remember when they’d text or call earlier in case you couldn’t get through at 12 😂

I wouldn’t worry OP. For him he maybe the same and just not see it as such a big deal.

I agree with this as an elder millennial (42). I just don’t think the New Year is that big a deal. I received a couple of messages around midnight on NYE and replied because we were just sitting on the couch, I wouldn’t have if we’d been on an exciting holiday. My Mum has until recent years messaged about 7pm ‘before the networks jam up’?!? but she’s not even sent me a specific Happy New Year message this year, despite speaking on the day and since.

I think you’re giving it too much weight OP. Be glad he’s away having a great time with his friends and girlfriend.

Swipe left for the next trending thread