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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

160 replies

ClaxonRazon · 02/01/2026 03:54

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

OP posts:
Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 02/01/2026 11:14

JellyBeans269 · 02/01/2026 10:01

I remember living at home and not replying to my mums HNY text. I was out with friends and I wished her a HNY, in person, the next morning (I lived with her at this point!). She told me how disappointed she was in me for not texting her HNY at midnight and gave me the silent treatment for a few days...please dont follow this behaviour OP because I promise if you make this a "thing", it will do nothing to enhance your relationship with your son.

I think the very fact that you can refer to it as a 'HNY text' and we all instantly know what you mean does rather signify that it isn't a groundbreaking unique show of very special affection.

We do tend to do it, but it's not really a big deal.

Do some people have some kind of superstition about this - whereby they think that, if somebody in their family doesn't send them a HNY text, they're automatically fated for an unhappy NY? Is it like saying "Bless you!" when people sneeze, otherwise the demons have implicit permission to possess them through their wide open mouth if nobody does?!

TeaRoseTallulah · 02/01/2026 11:18

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:05

We're talking about a 27 year old man who doesn't live at home and who is away on holiday with his partner. He doesn't need to text his mum back straight away to show he has "decent manners".

Why doesn't he? I don't think wanting a 2 second reply to a text from your son is being needy, it's basic manners.

JellyBeans269 · 02/01/2026 11:19

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 02/01/2026 11:14

I think the very fact that you can refer to it as a 'HNY text' and we all instantly know what you mean does rather signify that it isn't a groundbreaking unique show of very special affection.

We do tend to do it, but it's not really a big deal.

Do some people have some kind of superstition about this - whereby they think that, if somebody in their family doesn't send them a HNY text, they're automatically fated for an unhappy NY? Is it like saying "Bless you!" when people sneeze, otherwise the demons have implicit permission to possess them through their wide open mouth if nobody does?!

Edited

This made me laugh, and I couldn't agree more. I think for her it's seen as disrespectful because she made the effort but can't understand that a late teen may have other priorities at midnight like who their friend is snogging and mainlining tequila...the effort was made, just a few hours later and to her face...

TomatoSandwiches · 02/01/2026 11:27

He obviously wishes you and Unhappy New Year op, starting with ignoring you completely and hoping you have a conniption over him not texting you back within 24hrs.

You're only hurting yourself with these expectations, you know he is fine, stop getting siblings to spy its unhinged.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 11:28

TeaRoseTallulah · 02/01/2026 11:18

Why doesn't he? I don't think wanting a 2 second reply to a text from your son is being needy, it's basic manners.

Because he's a grown adult who can reply to messages whenever he wants, or even choose not to reply at all.

If it's only a two-second reply, why does it matter if she doesn't get it? Confused

Vivi0 · 02/01/2026 11:32

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:23

I disagree. A 27 year old man, wherever he lives can respond to a new year message. He can spare 10 seconds. Not as if he’s a stroppy/drunk/heedless teenager. He’s an adult.

Nope.

A 27 year old man can respond (or not respond) to a text message whenever he likes, at a moment that suits him, just like everyone else.

He’s not a performing monkey.

Whosthetabbynow · 02/01/2026 11:42

My oldest son hasn’t wished me a happy new year. So what. He’s busy with work, pregnant gf and a small child. I love him and he loves me. Let your son live his own life or you’ll push him away.

Vivi0 · 02/01/2026 11:46

TeaRoseTallulah · 02/01/2026 11:18

Why doesn't he? I don't think wanting a 2 second reply to a text from your son is being needy, it's basic manners.

it's basic manners

Who decides this sort of thing?

Some people are better at responding to text messages than others.

There are all sorts of reasons that someone wouldn’t respond to a message - I don’t think manners come into it.

I mean, I would consider it “basic manners” to not bother people when they are on holiday.

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/01/2026 12:33

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:24

I get it, but there are kinder ways for them to put the message across

For Goodness sake, no one is being unkind!
Just because people disagree with you, is not being unkind!

intentionals · 02/01/2026 12:37

If I hadn’t replied at that age and my mum followed up I would apologise and say happy new year! I wouldn’t feel stalked or like it is unreasonable because I love my mum and it wouldn’t be a big deal

HoppityBun · 02/01/2026 12:38

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

He hosts his mother for Christmas but not responding to HNY is a complete split? That’s truly a baffling opinion

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 02/01/2026 12:38

O ye gods.

My DC are in their late 20s. I said HNY yesterday in our family WA chat. DS1 responded, DS2 didn't.

And I haven't given it a second thought. You come across as incredibly emotionally needy.

GalaxyJam · 02/01/2026 12:41

Reading this has just made me realise that my dad hasn’t replied to my happy new year message! He’s away with his wife. It didn’t occur to me to be upset by it (I hadn’t noticed 😬), I’ll see him when he gets back.

Fingalscave · 02/01/2026 12:49

Don't worry, boys/young men are often like this. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or that anything is wrong.

Paganpentacle · 02/01/2026 13:00

GalaxyJam · 02/01/2026 12:41

Reading this has just made me realise that my dad hasn’t replied to my happy new year message! He’s away with his wife. It didn’t occur to me to be upset by it (I hadn’t noticed 😬), I’ll see him when he gets back.

Hope you put him straight 😂

I8toys · 02/01/2026 13:02

I've not spoken to my parents yet - when I see them I'll wish them a happy new year

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 13:08

What about a happy birthday message. Fine to ignore that too?

MojoMoon · 02/01/2026 13:11

I find new year text messages to be a bit like Christmas cards.

If you wish to send me one, that is lovely but I am not sending them out.

You should send best wishes because you want to send them not because you want them in return.

He is on holiday, having fun, skiing and going out. I would be delighted he is having a fun time.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 13:14

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 13:08

What about a happy birthday message. Fine to ignore that too?

If I was away on holiday on my birthday, I'd expect my parents to respect that and not get upset because I didn't reply within a certain time frame.

SameShitDifferentDate · 02/01/2026 13:52

Goodness me. It's only the second of January and already I have a strong contender for my personal Silliest Thing To Get Upset About award.

StealthMama · 02/01/2026 15:55

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 11:07

As far as we're aware, she hasn't expressed her feelings to the son. So where does harassment come into it? People are allowed to feel whatever they they feel.

Because you suggested that she tried to face time or video call as well given he didn’t respond to the text. After she has already has her other son stalk him and his GF of other SM platforms.

that starts to become harassment.

Boomer55 · 02/01/2026 16:00

My kids are adults. I never notice whether they wish me a happy new year. SM trivia. 🤷‍♀️

X123x321X · 02/01/2026 16:02

He probably doesn't remember who he sent messages to.

Whosthetabbynow · 02/01/2026 16:04

Boomer55 · 02/01/2026 16:00

My kids are adults. I never notice whether they wish me a happy new year. SM trivia. 🤷‍♀️

Quite. Let them live their lives x

MCF86 · 02/01/2026 16:15

You know he's ok (socials), what's the problem?
He probably saw he had a few new years messages, swiped them away meaning to respond later and the forgot 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm at my mums house right now and neither of us has said it 😂