My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

[ClaxonRazon]

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

Come to think of it I don’t think I ever used to wish my poor mum HNY when I was younger. It was just like another day to me, I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Leave it. He’s having a lovely time! I don’t think either of my boys has wished me a happy new year. I also know they don’t hate me! You’re being pretty weird about this tbh.

I disagree. A 27 year old man, wherever he lives can respond to a new year message. He can spare 10 seconds. Not as if he’s a stroppy/drunk/heedless teenager. He’s an adult.

I get it, but there are kinder ways for them to put the message across

Yes, he's an adult - who doesn't need to respond to his mum's texts within a certain time frame to prove he has good manners or to show that he's a good son, especially when he's away on holiday with his partner.

OP knows he's fine. He's active on social media and his partner has posted photos. She has absolutely no need to be worried and upset about this.

The things people get themselves worked up about on here will never cease to amaze me. I doubt I'd even notice if someone didn't respond to a Happy New Year text, let alone get upset about it.

AIBU is known for its' no-nonsense responses. And in fairness, I don't think anyone has been especially unkind.

no one under the age of 40 that I know of does the whole texting happy new year thing , I have been messaged it , looked it and moved on without replying

Sometimes when reading MN I feel I'm a visitor to a strange land that is similar to the world I know but also very different in certain ways. People getting worked up about not receiving some platitude or another via text/whatsapp/whatever - which does seem to be very common - is one such way. I'm fortunate to have a good family set up with four siblings, both parents still around, and we all get along very well. However I can guarantee that none of us will have wished any of the others a happy new year unless it was face-to-face. It just doesn't matter.

Heck how I 🙄when I read the OP. He's an adult, he's on holiday and new year is a just the start of a new calender month with a different year following it.
I'm sang froid by nature with many things but why do peeps get so wound up with this stuff?? I really don't get it at all and none of the stupid 'your wide eyed faux naviety shit' either.

I don't get why people are obsessed with sending and receiving such messages. It's down to the individual's choice, surely? And he's a grown man!

You chose to send a message - fine.
He chose not to - equally fine.

I'm also a boomer and never in all my life contacted my parents (both gone now) to wish them a happy new date on the calendar.

I've responded to the 3 messages I got from friends but not sent any first. I've chatted to my brother and nieces but not bothered with any trite hny comments.

It’s very much a thing in my family that we text each other at midnight, I think he’s a lazy arse and could have spent ten seconds saying it to his mum.

And he doesn't need to respond to what is to him a pointless message.

Parental harassment has long lasting effects.

The fact is OP is upset because shes emotionally dependent on her adult children.

it doesn’t matter whether you label manners, rudeness, worry, decency, the impact is the same.

he didn’t think it was so important to text his mum who he spent Christmas with (family time) - whilst he’s on holiday with Gf and friends (his time).

OP on the other hand feels him texting her should have been the forefront of his mind.

they are living different lives and if OP carries on like this she’ll push him and his future family away.

He's a grown man enjoying his holiday. Kindly I think you need to start building your own interests separate from your children. He loves you, let him live his life.

Get yourself to the grip shop today. Whilst there buy yourself the biggest one they have. Please make sure you use it all the time. I predict that if you don’t take this advice, things will end unhappily for you. Once he gets a permanent partner and then perhaps children, you will drop down the list of important people in his life. Please make 2026 the year you change.

So you know he isn’t hurt or had an accident he’s just having a good time. Leave him to enjoy his holiday

My sister in law does. She'd have reacted exactly like this if it were my niece.

YABU. He’s a big boy now and no longer tied to your apron strings. Get a grip woman!

I think I am fairly needy as a parent, and even I wouldn't worry about this, let alone get another dc to check his socials to see what he was doing.

He spent Christmas with you, now he's off having fun on holiday, as he should be doing at his age.

My MIL always expected her son to contact her when we'd gone on holiday, I was surprised the first time when BF rang her at the landing airport to confirm we had arrived OK. I questionned it because I thought it was intrusive of her to want her DS to be thinking of her when he was off on holiday with his GF. Her reason was "I just want to know you've got there all right". But if we hadn't she would have heard about it at some point and nothing she could do anyway?! I'm afraid I put a stop to that as it was ridiculous, clingy and unnecessary. Be careful OP that you aren't going to turn into the same needy DM/MIL who always wants to insert herself into every holiday or break her offspring have, even remotely...

Leave your son and his GF to enjoy their holiday, they don't need to be responding to trivial texts that aren't important in the scheme of things. A lack of "Happy New Year" does not equal "I secretly hope you have a rotten year" so chill out.

Fucking hell, is this a different world I’m in? Of course it’s not unreasonable to be a bit hurt that your lazy son can’t be arsed to think of you for 10 seconds to wish you a happy new year. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it, but I’d be a bit hurt too.

Posters on Mumsnet have young children that they put their heart and soul (and all their time and money) into. Do they think that once that child turns 18, their child doesn’t owe them one second’s thought. A relationship is a two-way street.

Sounds like you've got too much spare time on your hands to be sitting about thinking about him, whereas he's out actually living life. For the new year perhaps have a think about how you can start keeping busy yourself - now your children are adults it's your time to start making some new independent memories of your own!

As far as we're aware, she hasn't expressed her feelings to the son. So where does harassment come into it? People are allowed to feel whatever they they feel.

Exactly. It’s utter lunacy to suggest that wishing your own child a Happy New Year by text message constitutes ‘harassment’.