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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

160 replies

ClaxonRazon · 02/01/2026 03:54

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

OP posts:
SuperDuperFuckNuts · 02/01/2026 09:14

Wishing people a happy new year is one of those things you either do it or you don’t. I was at a house with a few other couples and several
people disappeared off at about 00.05 to call their families, which is just not something I’d do. My gran also gets very put out if people don’t call or visit her on NYD. He’s probably just not realising that it’s important to you.

NerrSnerr · 02/01/2026 09:18

He spent Christmas with you and now he’s on holiday for new year. Why is him sending three words in a text message so important to you?

Sparkletastic · 02/01/2026 09:18

Let 2026 be the year that you get a grip

Wordsmithery · 02/01/2026 09:20

Do people really worry about stuff like this? It's a complete non-problem.

Summergarden · 02/01/2026 09:23

Ugh, I truly just do not see the point of Happy New Year texts (or even the need to make a big enforced celebration just because a digit changes in the year). I actually wish people wouldn’t send me those generic HNY texts that I feel obligated to reply to with the same arbitrary wording.

It seems a lot of young people don’t bother with it so probably your son is one of them. Just leave him to enjoy his holiday and definitely don’t make him feel guilty about not replying to an arbitrary message.

saraclara · 02/01/2026 09:28

I wished my kids and their partners a Happy New Year. None of them responded and I didn't give it any thought at all. In fact I didn't even notice ( your post made me go back and look).

You're being very needy. They're on holiday. Leave them alone.

GumFossil · 02/01/2026 09:34

Not unreasonable to worry he’s ok, but you know he is, so that’s all good.

Peeved he hasn’t responded? You need to forget about it. He’s almost definitely forgotten your text, hopefully because he’s having too much fun.

GRCP · 02/01/2026 09:35

He’s having a great time on holiday - leave him alone.

SilverPink · 02/01/2026 09:47

He most likely forgot, thought I’ll reply to mum later and then completely forgot he hadn’t replied. He’s on holiday, with friends, they will be his priority. If there was anything wrong with him you’d have heard by now when he’s with a bunch of other people.

BCSurvivor · 02/01/2026 09:49

For goodness sake, OP!
It's New Year, not your birthday - I could understand if he hadn't sent a happy birthday message, but New Year?
That's really quite trivial.
You saw him at Christmas, now he's on holiday, is it really the end of the world that he didn't send you a three word message???

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/01/2026 09:52

Is your new year happiness, entirely dependant on a three word text? Is it?

Will you be condemned to a year of misery, if you don't get a text wishing you Happy New Year?

Dollymylove · 02/01/2026 09:53

Only one of my 4 adult children has wished me a happy new year.
Its not really impacted me tbh 😆

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 02/01/2026 09:56

He's just hosted you for Christmas and you're annoyed he hasn't texted you re NY?!?!?

He's just focused on his mates and having a good time - lots of people focus on family at Christmas and friends at NY.

He'll say HNY when you next speak.

You are being a pain in the arse. If you want to have a good relationship with your kids, cut it out.

Flickaflock · 02/01/2026 09:56

Stop looking for issues where they don’t exist - do you want a positive relationship with your son and his partner or not?

StealthMama · 02/01/2026 09:58

I do wish parents would just let their adult children be adults.

it’s no big deal. And no, you’re not the most important person in his life. He just forgot.

be joyful that you have a happy son - who you spent Christmas with- who is healthy and can afford to do nice things with his friends at new year.

what more could you wish for?

ilovepixie · 02/01/2026 10:00

Jesus wept! Let your son be and enjoy his holiday. I don’t wish anyone Happy new Year. It’s a non event for me! I wouldn’t have a second thought about someone not messaging me!

JellyBeans269 · 02/01/2026 10:01

I remember living at home and not replying to my mums HNY text. I was out with friends and I wished her a HNY, in person, the next morning (I lived with her at this point!). She told me how disappointed she was in me for not texting her HNY at midnight and gave me the silent treatment for a few days...please dont follow this behaviour OP because I promise if you make this a "thing", it will do nothing to enhance your relationship with your son.

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

Luckyingame · 02/01/2026 10:04

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2026 03:57

YABU to be worried and upset that your 27yo independent son has not replied to a trivial text while on holiday with his girlfriend.

This.

You sound rather overwhelming, OP.

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:05

Some of the replies on this thread are so nasty.

I can understand why you'd feel hurt, but he's maybe just forgot about the text in the midst of being on a busy, exciting holiday. Maybe he'd be receptive to a call/video call?

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:05

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

We're talking about a 27 year old man who doesn't live at home and who is away on holiday with his partner. He doesn't need to text his mum back straight away to show he has "decent manners".

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:06

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:05

Some of the replies on this thread are so nasty.

I can understand why you'd feel hurt, but he's maybe just forgot about the text in the midst of being on a busy, exciting holiday. Maybe he'd be receptive to a call/video call?

I think people are genuinely confused why she'd feel "worried and hurt" over her adult son (who she knows is okay) not replying to a generic text about New Year.

RedToothBrush · 02/01/2026 10:06

Hands up, who hasn't messaged their Mum Happy New Year yet?

Is it compulsory to prove you are a good child? What's the cut off age on this?

Puts up hand

ThroughTheRedDoor · 02/01/2026 10:08

I think ypure getting a hard time here!

I mean, the others are right really, ita not a big thing. But I do understand that it doesnt take much to send a HNY message back!

Try and be pleased hes too busy.

Largestlegocollectionever · 02/01/2026 10:12

For context I’m 45, have both parents still and an adult son - and none of us would expect this from any of the others!
You’re being ridiculous!!

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