DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

He sounds like an utter cunt. Please don't put up with his shit. You deserve more than this.

i would love to know what the 2% who said you were unreasonable were thinking.

Firstly, I hope you get to the bottom of your seizures and secondly you need to reconsider your marriage. He is adding stress to your illness. Get rid of him.

I wonder if you get rid of the husband the seizures will reduce? Seriously seizures are not helped by stress and can cause the brain to alter, its worth thinking about sorting out your life to be as stress free as possible

Sorry OP, whatever happened to 'in sickness and in health'?
He needs someone to set him straight or am afraid, yeah, you need to rethink. It would not be healthy for you to not be able to deal with whatever is going on with your health the way you want to. He's bullying you into conforming to what he thinks is correct. Yuck.

It's scary what you're going through, totally crying worthy, and he also needs to understand too that crying is also a coping method, a stress relief. People bloody cry when they are happy too! It's not a sign of weakness, it's a normal, human reaction.

Hard agree.

This is awful. He just doesn't care.

and this! he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”.
Ffs!!!! He is an ignorant manchild.

Omg!!! You must be so frightened, what a scary place to be in health wise right now especially with young children. Im sorry but your husband is heartless and selfish and now that all the attention is off him he is being strangely jealous and isnt being supportive. If this is your life now, he cant be in it, you need someone who is going to give you love, support, empathy and help you through this scary time..

I always assume on threads like this, that those poll responders mean YABU to stay with the dick.

It's when the chips are down and they treat you like shit that you have to step out. Imagine going into old age with a cunt like this.

@Likelysmike Chances are this is a just a blip with a good reason and a diagnosis behind it but it's terrifying and no wonder you are in tears. Get rid of him. This is a line crossed. If it was him having fits, he would expect all the bells and whistles from you and he would be bricking it and expecting 100% sympathy. He has something missing if he can't have compassion in this situation.

I don't know what to say @Likelysmike except he's less use than a chocolate toilet plunger and you deserve better. Better is out there, so tell him he can either shape up or you're done with him.

When I was 20, my childhood epilepsy came roaring back without warning. At the time, I'd just started my second year at uni. I'd had a lot of upheaval over the summer holidays and I was stressed up to my eyeballs. I was also with someone new - so new we were just about in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. We'd had a day out and he walked me back to my shared house. I opened the door and, then hit the deck and my housemate's bicycle. I came round in hospital to be told I'd had a seizure. My then BF's main concern, after my health, was that I'd not told him about the epilepsy because I thought he'd react badly. Neither was the case; I thought it was in the past, and his response couldn't have been better. He was barely 21 at the time, but he looked after me, got me hot drinks and painkillers and attended hospital appointments with me. And more than forty years on, here we still are, with other health and personal crises behind us, including his cancer diagnosis. You don't just have to "get on with it" and you don't have to put up with a whining man-baby who doesn't care about you.

He’s a selfish arse

do you really want to grow old with this waste of space ?

if you get really sick before he does
he will have no patience for you and he will leave you

if he gets sick a before you
he will gladly take all your care and attention

think hard about what you want
is it really him ?

Wow, I'd be out of this marriage NGL. He has NOT got your back. I'm so sorry @Likelysmike I hope you're OK.

Crying is physically regulating your body, releasing tension.

He sounds horrible.

I'm sorry this is happening to you right now.

He sounds somewhat similar to my husband. We have 5 children also and my health took a funny turn last year. Had issues with my heart which was affecting my speech and movement and ended in up with ambulance and a+e a few times. Saw a specialist and now on meds so much better now.

But I remember when it was happening how scary it was because of the uncertainty of it all and because I wasn't used to my body behaving in that way and I too was getting upset like you.

I began feeling very nervous about being on my own and so naturally lent on my husband more for support and reassurance.

He is very used to me being independent and not 'needing' him for too much and so wasn't used to having to support me in that way and felt the weight of things I could tell.

I think perhaps this is what is happening with your husband. I know 5 kids are alot on their own, never mind then worrying about the health of your wife. He is not communicating with you clearly about his worries and you need to sit down and talk with him about yours and what you need right now.

There is no need for the talk of divorce and things. One thing I've found out it that despite being with someone for 20 years, there will always be a new situation that will challenge your relationship and at times reactions may surprise or disappoint you, but you must then talk and listen and get through these times together ❤️.

I hope they get to the bottom of what's causing the seizures and are able to keep them at bay.

Much love to you xxx

I’m so sorry op. That sounds scary. No wonder you’re upset and crying. Anyone would be. He’s sound an arse hole. Is he worried and it’s coming across as vileness? Or is he usually like this if the attention isn’t on him? Wait until you’re feeling stronger but I would honestly not be able to stay with such a cruel bastard. I’m so sorry.

Just read your updates. What a nasty piece he is.
Hope you feel better soon!

He’s a cunt

Leave this horrible horrible awful bastard.

I’ve text my mum and she’s coming to pick me and DC up. I’ve told DH that I’m staying with my mum to stop inconveniencing him and that DC will come too if he can’t cope with looking after them when tired.

I didn’t sleep until around 4am last night. He came to sleep in the bed at 3:30ish and just fell asleep. Wanker. His mum text me today and said he’d been at hers and she read him the riot act and told him to go home to his sick wife and children.

Thabks for all the lovely messages a lot of them have reassured me. I need to focus on rest and DC right now.

Like PP I wondered if he was struggling and acting out because he was worried about you. But reading your update about him storming out and shouting at you, I think he sounds abusive and cruel.

oh OP, make sure you have a support network that does not include your DH.

And read up on statistics about what happens when women have a long term illness and how their partners handle it.

Then ask your DH if he is going to step up and take your lives together seriously, or if he is going to push off and leave you to it.

I hope you get some clarity soon

Until the last part I thought he might be concerned that you getting upset could trigger another one, but it sounds like hes just an absolute narcissist without any ability to care for anyone.

I could understand him saying hes upset that its ruined your christmas together, but its all about him - and to mention a cold is insane.

The only possible thing I could maybe excuse it with is if that comment was completely out of character, hes addressed it after, and hes barely slept for days so isnt thinking straight while properly ill with a high temp etc. But the chances of it being that situation rather than just being how it appears seems slim.

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

He's telling you he's not going to stick around if you need help or have a life altering condition ... which he will view as altering HIS life. He doesn't care about yours. You're there to support him, not vv, in his mind.

Unfortunately, not uncommon. I'm so sorry.

I hope you're able to get the medical support you need.

I often cry after seizures and I actually have a diagnosis of epilepsy. You don’t even have a diagnosis yet, you’re definitely allowed a few tears. Your husband is being an arsehole.