To think my DD should go to Edinburgh Uni instead of Kent?

[Girlypops154]

My DD has been accepted to Edinburgh to study Astrophysics and she has also been accepted to Kent University. We live outside of London and she says wants to be closer to home but I say she should go to Scotland because it’s a better university (she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh). We are in a blessed position that we can afford the extra year up there. How do I get to change her mind as she has her mind now set on Kent but I really think going to an RG would be far better. She’s now getting annoyed at me because I keep insisting on Edinburgh. She has also been accepted to Durham and Aberystwyth but neither of them have got back to us yet. Any advice or am I being unreasonable? Thank you.

She must be allowed free choice.
State your preference for Edinburgh and your reasons then leave her be.

University of Kent is merging with Greenwich University. Greenwich has deep financial reserves, so Kent is not a contender for going under!

@Mischance I don’t agree that 17 year olds at school have sufficient experience or understanding of employment to completely make their own decisions on degrees and universities. Parents still help them so much! They get them get to school, advise on buying a car , assist with money and accommodation, pay for and supply holidays, and supply lifts before dc can drive to name just a few before we consider cooking and paying bills! A 17 year old cannot do many things without parents and isn’t responsible for much but suddenly the most important decision about choosing a university, they know everything!

Choosing based on friendships proves DD isn’t ready to make adult decisions. She’s not considering career or post grad study and work at all.

Durham and Canterbury both have Cathedrals, so cities. Aberystwyth and St Andrews both have the universities embedded in the towns similar to oxford/cambridge so as i said city based, non- campus and not London. It sounds as if the DC prefers that style of uni, so consistency. Which other pps had been querying.

But they have to commit to it - give it their all and make all that expenditure worthwhile. If their heart is not in it and they feel they have been pressured they will go with the wrong mindset and be set up to fail.

The OP probably has sound reasons why she thinks Edinburgh is the better choice and I am sure she has pointed these out to her DD.

The question in the OP is: "How do I get her to change her mind?" and the answer is that she cannot. In the end it has to be DD's decision.

A mixed bag.

1. She might regret being close to home in the end. I was happy to leave London for the north (where I still live) having felt restless in the family home for some time.
2. I wouldn't, though, be concerned about the Russell Group question. I'm just reading John Pratt's history of the polytechnics. They did amazing work with fresh subjects and combinations of subjects and fresh teaching methods, a social mix including many more part-time and mature students and so on. The universities they have become presumably still do. Kent of course is not one of those; my point is simply that the stereotypically 'more academic' is not necessarily the best way to learn.
3. But the decision, as many here have said, is hers to make. You may warn, advise and upon occasion denounce, but do not bid her stand aside and do her work instead of her.

Choosing based on friendships proves DD isn’t ready to make adult decisions.

I think it shows that she has other priorities, which is fine. Regarding friendships as important is not a juvenile decision - she has got to live there for years and quite rightly does not want to waste 3/4 years of her precious young life on something that she feels unhappy with. So many students are utterly miserable at uni which impacts on their results, and this lass realises that friendships are important to her. Self-insight is good. She has grasped what she feels she can cope with and Edinburgh feels a step too far to her at this moment.

I do not think this is all or nothing - that if she chooses Kent she will be burning her bridges as regards future choices. She will find her route to where she wants to be. The choices she has are broadly similar and will get her to the same goal in the end.

She may of course completely change her mind about what she wants to do - students of 17/18 are very young to be deciding what career they want.

I jumped ship on my career after a couple of decades and went in a whole new direction.

I feel concerned about this narrow race that is fuelled by parents and teachers: do GCSEs now, do A-levels now, go to uni now. Where do they get to develop and grow as people if they are just cramming their heads non-stop?

If she is bright enough to get these good A-levels and to be in line to study such a difficult subject then she will find her way for sure. Can you imagine what the scenario might be like if she capitulates and goes to Edinburgh and it does not work out for her there? She will be a long way from home and feeling annoyed with her parents for pushing her in a direction she did not want. No gains there for anyone ......

Please stop living your life through your daughter.
We all want the best for our children.
Why does it matter so much to you re university choices?
She will likely do very well at any university.
Your daughter will resent you if you pressurise her into your choice

I still disagree that the financial decision is always the DC's. Who's going to be funding the living costs?

I do not think it is right that parents should use their financial clout to control where their child studies.

Two of my DC went to Kent and had a fantastic experience , they both loved being so near Canterbury town centre and also enjoyed the campus.
I think say your piece and let your DC decide.

Are they in well paid jobs now?

My 27 year old earns 37k and my 25 year old earns 48k (plus a bonus of approximately 10% of his salary). He also runs a small business which makes a £500 to £800 month profit per month.

What don’t you like about Edinburgh as a place to live? I lived there for 6 years and it’s an incredible city, and feels less like a city than most.

Sounds like one did well and the other less so.

It matters because graduate jobs are so hard to get. A first from Edinburgh, Durham or St Andrews would put her streets ahead of someone with a first from Kent. It’s OP’s job to advise her child this. It’s a very important part of being a parent.

Peak mumsnet 🤦‍♀️

Isn’t it?

Her choices of uni strike me as someone who doesn't really know what she wants. Does she want to go to a highly academic uni? Be in a bigger city, or small? Does she want a campus uni or not? I think you should be guiding her on how to make the decision not by giving her an answer (teach a man to fish and all that). You have to have a metric for making a decision - what's most important to her? The academic side? Social side? Future employment prospects? Help her think through all that then look at the league tables and help her decide. FWIW I loved Durham and Edinburgh, both unis I went to. Durham can be quite elitist and full of posh twats at undergrad level IMO, but the college system is great. I would encourage her to spend her time thinking about the decision making metrics as above whilst waiting to hear back from her other unis, and then make a final decision when all options are in.

It might also be that she is starting to get nervous about uni now it feels more real and therefore is hanging onto the closer to home thing out of fear. I'd therefore also work on her confidence in spreading her wings until she has all her results in.

🤣😆🤣😆

@Girlypops154 St Andrews is the best university in Scotland.

So. I work at Edinburgh Uni. There's plans by management to want to save £140m in cuts over the next 1-2 years. This could mean as many as 1000 more staff going, on top of the c350 who went on voluntary severance, and an undefined number of fixed-term contracts not renewed. It's not a terribly happy place at present. I should say that Edinburgh is the wealthiest institution in Scotland, and is currently in surplus on a yearly basis; which makes the swinging cuts especially galling.

I say this as someone who has worked there for c.15 years, and did my own UG degree here. I have skin in the game, believe me, and am deeply committed to making this a successful and enriching place to study and work. I would, however, be asking about plans for cutting or merging areas within Physics/Astrophysics. I would say that, if Edinburgh is making these cuts, others will be following....

But, yes - this has to be your daughter's choice. Many young people who come to speak to us about dropping out have ended up at Universities they were pressured into by their parents.....

I’ve worked there too. There are a heck of a lot of staff that they could make redundant without anyone noticing. But they won’t make these staff redundant, they’ll do voluntary redundancies and all the competent staff will leave. I was surprised at the power the union wields, without showing any form of understanding whatsoever of how university finances work.

Aren’t there four universities in Edinburgh and three in Canterbury?