To think my mum overstepped the mark - sister minding stranger’s bag at airport

[Airportdrama]

Me (26), my sister (25) and our mum have been abroad for a few days. We are flying home tonight and are currently at the airport (pre-security). We’re too early to drop our suitcase off so my mum and I went to look for food while my sister looked after our bags.
When we came back with sandwiches and suggested we go upstairs to a table to eat them, my sister said she would join us shortly as a stranger had asked her to mind her bag while she went for a smoke.
My mum immediately told my sister off and said she shouldn’t have agreed to that and to leave the bag. My sister refused until the bag owner came back. My mum and I headed off to find a table but on the way my mum told me she was going back to wait with my sister to tell the stranger that she shouldn’t be asking people to mind her bags. I said “mum, don’t, she [my sister]’s an adult” but my mum stormed off angrily. By the time she got back to my sister, the lady had just returned and was moving away with her bag. My mum apparently gave her a “look” instead of speaking to her.
My sister has since told our mum that she’s an adult, can make her own decisions and asked our mum not to stand up to strangers on her behalf. Our mum said “yes but as an adult I thought you would be sensible and not agree to look after someone’s bag. I’m an adult too so I can decide to speak to them if I want”.
AIBU to think our mum should back off? Yes not a good idea to agree to mind a stranger’s bag but my sister is entitled to make her own mistakes. Our mum has historically not respected our boundaries.

Weird logic. As you said, mum was right. Why does that mean she’ll lose her head over something she’s wrong about?!

Both you and your DSIS need to get to understand the consequences and potential consequences of your DSIS’s actions.

Your DM probably needs to articulate that better though. It sounds as if her reaction to either of you doing anything particularly dumb is knee-jerk “don’t be so stupid”, instead of pointing out WHY your actions are unthinking/dangerous.

But then I suspect that she has tried in the past to explain why she is angry - and you haven’t taken notice (judging by your general nonchalance on the potential for this situation to get you into so much trouble, and your apparent casual “Don’t be mean” attitude to her valid concern)

On balance, YABU…

Well I asked OP the question as confirmation.

The reason I made the weird assumption is more than 50 years of life letting me know that people who lose the head, do it regardless. Perhaps you are yourself a head loser, and don’t recognize it, or just haven’t spent enough time around people to know.

I'd usually be on your sister's side tbh, she's 25 so a grown up. In this case though I have to side with your mum, it's such an astoundingly daft thing to do. I wouldn't have done the at 15 let alone 25, your sister sounds like she needs someone to watch out for her.

This is the adult equivalent of seeing your child about to run into the road so shouting “stop” rather than taking time in that moment to explain “oh darling we don’t step in front of moving traffic” while watching your child be ran over!

there is a time and a place for being gentle and there is a time to tell your child their actions are dangerous!

I think that when someone reacts strongly to a circumstance, and you think they've gone over the top, you also have to weigh up the circumstance that they've reacted to. In this case, though your mum's reaction may be over the top, your sister's decision was so stupid that your mum's reaction isn't really the problem.

Oh well your 4 whole years life experience on me must be the difference then. Can’t wait to gain that valuable insight before I’m 50.

The problem is if that woman got stopped somewhere and was found to have a bag of drugs, she's going to say look at the CCTV because there was a woman stood with my bag at the airport and she must have put them in.
Next thing you know the sister and her family are getting pulled to one side somewhere!
It's one thing when it just impacts you but when it can impact your family too!

Me too, you could even start now!

If you are of the head-losing tendency those around you will be grateful for it too.

So, just to follow that through, if people who lose their head do it regardless of the circumstance, does that mean that no one else loses their head ever?

I mean, the headlosers do it not only when it's justified but also when it's not.

And no one else does it at all.

There are no 'sometimes but not always' headlosers who, if assessed by their peers, would be declared 'intermittent and, given the circs, justified losers of the head'?

If someone asked me to mind their bag at an airport landside while they went for a fag my unequivocal response would be hell no. If they asked my child if any age to do it, I’d be furious.

Even if I could initially let it go (unlikely) I imagine your mum’s next reaction was like mine would be as I let the information sink in and the possible outcomes enter my thoughts, so I can absolutely see why she went back again.

Can you imagine the carnage if someone detonated a suitcase in departures at JFK or T5 or just about any airport?

Your sister did a completely idiotic thing though that could have had serious consequences.

if my 19 year old did something so idiotic I would have had plenty to say. Wouldn't have spoken directly to the stranger, but very well may have told security staff.

the stranger was either also completely idiotic or was up to no good. Even the toilets in airports are designed for people with suitcases.

I’m going to let OP come back to confirm whether her mother’s loss of head is in keeping with her previous form and character.

My guess is that she wouldn’t be writing here if this was out of character for their mother. When I ask myself does it sound like OP was shocked at her mother’s out of character reaction, or is it that she has had 25 years of Mother making mountains out of both Molehills and Mountains and has had enough of it.

The additional clue is the totally passive aggressive shitty look, but nothing said to the stranger. Not the action of a person who is in charge of their own emotions, is it?

How does you hypothesis fit in with Mother having a history or not respecting boundaries?

This wouldn’t be a “justified losing of head situation.” in that whilst OP’s sister made a very foolish choice, escalating the situation doesn’t help. It is very telling that OP and her sister were the ones trying to deescalate the situation, presumably because they know their Mother tends to the volatile.

Hang on. So you do think that there are justifiable occasions of head loss?

So how does that fit in with 'people who lose the head, do it regardless'

Your sister sounds a bit naive, your mum’s reaction sounds like she could be a bit fed up by this type of thing?

People have different views of risk. I remember being on a train in Vienna airport and a guy got on with his case, and then got off again, minus case. I tossed his case onto the platform and everyone around me thought I was mad.

Not because the case could have exploded, which of course it could have done so I wasn't that sensible.

But because it was ok to leave bags hanging around, apparently. They weren't conditioned by IRA bombings and bomb scares.

Yes, there are situations where losing the head is both appropriate and out of character.

For example the woman I unfortunately witnessed being told her child was dead, but don’t bother using her pain as a pathetic nit-pickers justification of crap behaviour.

We all agree that sister did something stupid. We might even agree that a sharp comment à la Toddler veering into road was justified, the difference here (using the toddler model) is that the parent made no attempt to repair/reconnect afterwards “I’m sorry I shouted, it was because I was shocked and worried about you being safe. Traffic is very very dangerous and you must stay beside me.”. In this case the mother is doubling down on how she speaks to OP and her Sister: If you do something stupid, that’s a free kicking to me.

As is so often the case on relationships threads: the issue posted about is only the tip of the iceberg.

Super naive of your sister.

No one leaves a bag with a stranger, unless you are stupid or doing something dodgy.

She could’ve been transporting drugs and lost her bottle.

A man once asked me to take his bag through Singapore customs as he had too much luggage. Perhaps he’d seen the massive “those caught with drugs will be given the death penalty” sign and sh1t himself.

I was livid that he looked around and decided I looked stupid enough to do this, so I started shouting at him and he ran off.

So you didn't mean 'people who lose their head, do it regardless'. Which is pretty absolute and leaves no room for qualification.

You meant 'some people who sometimes lose their head sometimes do it when some other people might not think it's justified'.

People who miss out salient words, do it regardless.

No, I didn’t mean that. I meant that people who lose the head, do it regardless. It being quite obvious that losing the head is happening habitually, rather than saying “people who have on one occasion lost the head”. The vast majority of others managed to make the correct inference, but for you and the others that cannot manage it “those who habitually lose the head, do it regardless.”

The actual salient point is that this thread about this OP’s mother is about a woman who routinely (synonym of habitually) oversteps. Therefore your intellect, such as it is, should be directed to suggesting ways that OP and her sister can get their mother to refrain from speaking to them like that. She seems a prickly sort of character, and on that basis I would recommend verbally being very direct and plain spoken. In colloquial terms they should go for the jugular until she learns to treat them with a modicum of respect.