To think my mum overstepped the mark - sister minding stranger’s bag at airport

[Airportdrama]

Me (26), my sister (25) and our mum have been abroad for a few days. We are flying home tonight and are currently at the airport (pre-security). We’re too early to drop our suitcase off so my mum and I went to look for food while my sister looked after our bags.
When we came back with sandwiches and suggested we go upstairs to a table to eat them, my sister said she would join us shortly as a stranger had asked her to mind her bag while she went for a smoke.
My mum immediately told my sister off and said she shouldn’t have agreed to that and to leave the bag. My sister refused until the bag owner came back. My mum and I headed off to find a table but on the way my mum told me she was going back to wait with my sister to tell the stranger that she shouldn’t be asking people to mind her bags. I said “mum, don’t, she [my sister]’s an adult” but my mum stormed off angrily. By the time she got back to my sister, the lady had just returned and was moving away with her bag. My mum apparently gave her a “look” instead of speaking to her.
My sister has since told our mum that she’s an adult, can make her own decisions and asked our mum not to stand up to strangers on her behalf. Our mum said “yes but as an adult I thought you would be sensible and not agree to look after someone’s bag. I’m an adult too so I can decide to speak to them if I want”.
AIBU to think our mum should back off? Yes not a good idea to agree to mind a stranger’s bag but my sister is entitled to make her own mistakes. Our mum has historically not respected our boundaries.

🤦‍♀️ No, of course it wouldn’t. When was the last time someone flew two aeroplanes into skyscrapers? When was the last time someone left a bomb in a car parked on the street? When was the last time someone blew up the top deck of a bus? When was the last time someone drove a car into a Scottish airport? When was the last time someone gaffer taped blades to their hands and ran round Covent Garden? It never happens, until it happens. Just because it hasn’t happened in a particular location before is no indication that there’s a lower risk of it happening in the future. It’s unlikely to happen on a deserted piece of wasteland where nobody ever goes and where there is no damage to cause or panic to cause. An airport is not such a place.

I know the OP doesn’t say where they were, but the UK current threat level is Substantial, meaning an attack is likely. I’d imagine that it’s higher in other countries. Do you think now is the time to imply people are hysterical because they’re cautious about unattended bags?

You said I take a cross country commuter service (London - Manchester) weekly and people asking others to keep an eye on their bag whilst they pop to the loo or buffet car is common. Not everyone is hysterical and unable to assess risk. You weren’t talking about experts in risk assessment here, you were talking about you and your fellow commuters. So if you don’t recognise someone as a weekly commuter, how do you assess the risk of something dodgy or dangerous being in that bag?

Are you actually arguing with the principle of risk assessment?! 🤣🤣😭

I can asses it because I am familiar with it, being responsible for a number of risk registers, which include terrorism

Right, but if the security services and by extension the general public insists everyone has to be on alert for any situation that could potentially be a security threat then terror has won because you wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything.

The way it works for security services is, they have credible intelligence of the type of security risks likely at any one time, and work towards prevention of those. “Unattended bag” hasn’t been a high level credible threat for a very long time. Those of us who lived through the time it was known how much of a ballache it was to be on alert for 24/7 when out in public. We are still living with the rules that are designed to prevent hijack of an airliner because that has always been a problem, long before 9/11. Barriers are in place to stop vehicles because that makes perfect sense and is easy to do. If we wanted to stop someone blowing up the top deck of a bus, we would have to security screen any person getting on a bus. It takes a tiny amount of modern explosive to blow up a bus. That could be hidden where nobody can see it. Do you think we should take bus and underground security far more seriously to the detriment of people using it?

The fact is, what OP’s sister did was very low risk. If her mother wants to spend her life in fear then let her. She shouldn’t expect everyone else to do the same thing.

@WilfredsPiesit makes no difference if someone watches the bag on the train or not. The bomb would be there regardless. You’re going to be hit when it goes off. Trains have separate sections for large luggage as well as overhead bins. Are you watching every person who gets on to clock if they are leaving the carriage or not, having put their bag in one of these places? If someone is intent on doing harm, it makes no sense for them to ask someone to watch their bag on a busy train. Nobody is going through a train to look for unattended luggage unless it’s at the very end of the journey.

If someone is intent on doing harm, it makes no sense for them to ask someone to watch their bag on a busy train.

It makes perfect sense if their intent is not to kill themselves along with the other passengers. They leave the bag with another person and get off the train at the next station.

Of course I’m not arguing with the principle of risk assessment! 🤦‍♀️

I’m arguing with your statement that the clearest indicator of likelihood would be considering the last time anyone had detonated a bomb concealed in a bag at a UK airport, rather than the standard threat, vulnerability and impact.

Team mum, all the way.

Mum’s approach was completely appropriate.

By minding the stranger’s bag, the stranger could have left entirely and it could have exploded as a bomb. The risk of terrorism is very high right now. ‘Minding’ the bag means it wouldn’t have been identified as abandoned which would normally flag all kinds of security concerns.

I’m afraid the OP and her sister sound really petulant and I wonder if the other ‘boundaries’ crossed really are an issue as the OP suggests.

I'd agree to do this literally anywhere else but not an airport

@BoredZelda
Right, but if the security services and by extension the general public insists everyone has to be on alert for any situation that could potentially be a security threat then terror has won because you wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything. Who is suggesting that? Not me. I think that the level of alert the general public are at right now seems to be working fine.

The way it works for security services is, they have credible intelligence of the type of security risks likely at any one time, and work towards prevention of those. “Unattended bag” hasn’t been a high level credible threat for a very long time Maybe not for the security forces, but that doesn’t seem to have filtered down to anywhere where there are large groups of people congregating.

Those of us who lived through the time it was known how much of a ballache it was to be on alert for 24/7 when out in public. We are still living with the rules that are designed to prevent hijack of an airliner because that has always been a problem, long before 9/11. Barriers are in place to stop vehicles because that makes perfect sense and is easy to do. If we wanted to stop someone blowing up the top deck of a bus, we would have to security screen any person getting on a bus. It takes a tiny amount of modern explosive to blow up a bus. That could be hidden where nobody can see it. Do you think we should take bus and underground security far more seriously to the detriment of people using it? No, I don’t. And I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me. I didn’t imply that I did think that.

The fact is, what OP’s sister did was very low risk. If her mother wants to spend her life in fear then let her. She shouldn’t expect everyone else to do the same thing It’s not a fact though, is it? It’s an opinion. Your opinion is that it was low risk. My opinion is that there was still a level of unnecessary risk that would have impacted the mum and which could have been eliminated by saying ‘no’.

it makes no difference if someone watches the bag on the train or not. The bomb would be there regardless. You’re going to be hit when it goes off. Trains have separate sections for large luggage as well as overhead bins. Are you watching every person who gets on to clock if they are leaving the carriage or not, having put their bag in one of these places? If someone is intent on doing harm, it makes no sense for them to ask someone to watch their bag on a busy train. Nobody is going through a train to look for unattended luggage unless it’s at the very end of the journey Well, firstly, it makes perfect sense if you’re getting on the last carriage, leaving your bag and then wandering down to the first carriage of a ten carriage train. Secondly, I was replying to the poster who started talking about how she was a commuter and how it was regular for people to watch other people’s bags because they weren’t hysterical and were able to risk assess. I asked her how she risk assessed whether it was safe to look after a stranger’s bag and how she felt it was a similar situation to doing the same thing in an airport. Neither question was answered.

Your sister was naive and silly to mind the bag.

The stranger was a nutter to ask a rando to mind her bag so she could smoke.

Your mum was also silly telling your sister to abandon the bag - that would have sparked a security alert. As opposed to waiting a few mins for the stranger to return.

Your mum shouldn’t have given the stranger a nasty look. She also shouldn’t have stormed off and been unpleasant.

Nobody really looks good here.

I’m not surprised your mum doesn’t respect you and your sister’s boundaries if your sister makes such stupid decisions. Boundaries is a catch all word these days. It shouldn’t be used as an excuse to make bad decisions without thought or reference to anyone else affected.

Oh, I am at the other end of the scale. I needed a wee while I was waiting for my coach at terminal 5. I asked a fellow traveller waiting for the same coach to mind one of my bags on the bench while I went to the loo. I took the important one on wheels with me, but left the heavy shoulder strap one. I never gave it a thought - other than to wonder if it would be their when I got back.

Having read these replies I can now see that actually I was putting myself at risk as that person could have taken the opportunity to put something in it. That aspect hadn't crossed my mind.

I wouldn’t be afraid of a bomb necessarily but I’d be super afraid there are drugs or similar in the bag. It’s an absolute fact you do not take responsibility for a stranger’s belongings at an airport - they even ask when you check in if your bag has been out of your presence. So no, I’d never do this and I have no idea why it would even come up as an option. If my daughter did this I’d be super angry.

I doubt OP will come back now that we’ve all told her she’s completely wrong.

I’m of the opinion you mum is totally in the right for reacting the way she did, mums protectiveness never leaves no matter what age we get to, your sisters stupidity tipped your mum over the edge. I think I would have had a word with the stranger about leaving bags unattended in an airport with a stranger too. As a mum to a 16 year old he’s always told don’t touch luggage or look after it if it’s not yours.

I was once at an airport where there was a trolley load of unattended baggage, security were all over it in seconds, turns out the solo traveler (American lady) went to the toilet, she got an absolute rollicking, I’m pretty sure that had she been a few minutes later the whole airport would have been evacuated.

Yea, might have been a timed pokeball, ready to suck her in once the stranger was not near.

I was thinking more about drugs - that was always the one that bothered me. But your imagination is commendable

Of course I am joking a little. But I think this is over the top.

If someone messes with your luggage, or asks you take something with you, then no - get help at that point even if you think nothing came of it.

Drug smugglers aren't smuggling drugs by leaving them lying still once successfully in a country, they aren't using port keys from the Harry Potter books that need watching until it's time to touch them and get transported.

If someone has their bags, and just asks you to watch them for a minute while they go to the toilet etc there is nothing generally wrong with that - just no touching, or talk about moving the bags for them that goes back to no. But anyone genuine won't be asking that. Feel free to day no. Still keep basic common sense for anything outside the norm even in that situation. But the reaction to this was weird from the parent.

Your mum is correct and your sister is a monumental idiot. Would she have minded the bag of that guy at Manchester Arena while he "nipped to the loo?" Seriously, what a stupid, stupid woman she is.

Your Mum grew up in different times when a bag could have blown up in the UK - I’m terrified of unattended bags especially at an airport but my grown up kids think I’m nuts!
The 70s and 80s were scary times in mainland UK.
Then of course more recently on the underground, buses, arenas etc.

Excellent point.

Does your Mum always lose her shit over stuff?
On this occasion your Mum was right, but there will come a time when she will lose the head at your sister whilst being in the wrong. That will be the day she will learn some manners.

😂

Both you and your sister are adults, you aren't children, so therefore your Mum shouldn't need to tip-toe around you. Yes, she was clearly annoyed, and she had every right to be. If the bag had been sinister, the consequence wouldn't have just impacted your sister but you and your Mum too. No one with half a brain asks a stranger to mind their pre-screened baggage, so they can nip for a fag. Equally, no one with half a brain, agrees to 'mind' a bag belonging to a total stranger!! Could your Mum have approached the situation in a calmer manner, yes of course she could have done. However, in the heat of the moment your Mum was bloody annoyed at her adult daughter, for being stupid!!

FFFS - your mum is treating your sister like a silly child because that’s how she behaved in this situation. Not just poor judgement, not just naive, downright stupid and irresponsible. Being of adult age does not exempt someone one from needing to be told when they have made a grave error. Once more for anyone who might consider doing this, just don’t, there are bad actors who will exploit your idiocy. Do not trust anyone.

Agree with this, the mum must have been shocked at how stupid the OP's sister was especially when it's been drummed into passengers for decades about suspicious items and the frequent announcements to that effect in the airport.

OP's stupid sister's actions could have had very serious consequences for all three of them, team mum all the way especially when she's dealing with dumb and dumber.