To think my mum overstepped the mark - sister minding stranger’s bag at airport

[Airportdrama]

Me (26), my sister (25) and our mum have been abroad for a few days. We are flying home tonight and are currently at the airport (pre-security). We’re too early to drop our suitcase off so my mum and I went to look for food while my sister looked after our bags.
When we came back with sandwiches and suggested we go upstairs to a table to eat them, my sister said she would join us shortly as a stranger had asked her to mind her bag while she went for a smoke.
My mum immediately told my sister off and said she shouldn’t have agreed to that and to leave the bag. My sister refused until the bag owner came back. My mum and I headed off to find a table but on the way my mum told me she was going back to wait with my sister to tell the stranger that she shouldn’t be asking people to mind her bags. I said “mum, don’t, she [my sister]’s an adult” but my mum stormed off angrily. By the time she got back to my sister, the lady had just returned and was moving away with her bag. My mum apparently gave her a “look” instead of speaking to her.
My sister has since told our mum that she’s an adult, can make her own decisions and asked our mum not to stand up to strangers on her behalf. Our mum said “yes but as an adult I thought you would be sensible and not agree to look after someone’s bag. I’m an adult too so I can decide to speak to them if I want”.
AIBU to think our mum should back off? Yes not a good idea to agree to mind a stranger’s bag but my sister is entitled to make her own mistakes. Our mum has historically not respected our boundaries.

Your mum is a fruit loop, it would only have been an issue if the woman had asked your sister to pass her luggage off as her own.

What did your mum think would happen, the daft twat?

Good mark for what?

Bit pissed are you?

I think the pissed ones are the ones here with fevered imaginations.

It’s not a crime to sit near soneone’s bag. 🙄

Many years ago at Bangkok airport I got chatting to a man while we were queueing at the bar. He had his arm in a sling. I later saw him in the security queue and he asked if I could help by taking his bag through. I had watched several versions of the notorious series "Banged up abroad" so I told him sorry I have my own bag. Howevere I did offer to fetch someone to help him. He gave me a sharp look and walked away. Later when I was waiting at the departure gate I saw he had paired up with a much younger woman and she was carrying his bag. They got on the plane and sat together. It was obvious he had picked her up at the airport and I was very suspicious of his motives. It was on my mind to mention this to the cabin crew. However I decided it was none of my business and not to get involved.

We changed planes at Dubai and I knew from my own conversation with him he had been going through to London. However there was no sign of either of them on the outbound plane from Dubai to LHA. I often wonder if he had been carrying something illegal and the pair had been stopped at Dubai. Or perhaps they had simply changed their plans and decided to stay on in Dubai. I will never know.

Looking after a bag with a bomb in it so the bag didn't look unattended.

This

Your mum was probably shocked at how stupid and what an idiotic risk your dd took. Your sister should never ever have done that.

Your mum shouldn't have behaved as she did.
Your sister shouldn't have agreed to watch a random person's bag.
Your sister is right that shes an adult and there's no way on earth Your mum should have confronted someone on her behalf.
Your mum should have just actually talked about her concerns with your sister like a reasonable adult.
Your sister would be more likely to take that on board and a huge drama wouldn't be created.

Drugs
Cash - which can be detected by sniffer dogs
Counterfeit goods
Counterfeit documents
Weapons
Let alone a bomb…

I am happy to be corrected on this, but my understanding is that police or security forces often have additional powers to stop and detain or search people anywhere within the boundaries of an airport. It’s not only about people attempting to pass things through security; being land-side with something problematic could still have huge consequences.

You sound like someone who has never been to an airport before. Or on the tube. Or listened to the news. Perhaps you are OP's stupid sister. In any case, it is worrying that you walk among us.

There is a reason why we are constantly told not to leave baggage unattended. If OP's dopey sister is looking after a bag full of explosives, it is unlikely to be noticed by security.

Just guessing that those who don't believe a bomb could be possible, have never felt the force of a bomb going off.
I was in Warrington on the day the IRA bomb exploded and we should never be complacent.

Jeeze. If I found that one of my daughters was minding a stranger's luggage, I'd move her away from it straight away, and inform security. And I'm as far from a drama llama as you can get.

I'm astonished by those saying it's nothing. I can only assume that it's a generational thing, and they didn't live through all the terrorism events of previous decades. If I see an unattended bag, I'm instantly on my guard. And no way would I ever watch a stranger's bag.

Your mum reacted as I would, because we grew up in the days when terrorist attacks, both domestic (the IRA) and international, were common. And transport hubs were prime targets.

@Airportdrama I agree your mum handled it badly, there was no need to be huffy or aggressive.

However, I don’t actually think she was wrong to try to step in on this occasion (although she should have done so calm and politely). ‘Respect us and let us make our own mistakes’ is fine up to a point, but when the mistake could see your trip cancelled and your sister in Police custody, it would be ridiculous of your mum not to take action. Your sister may be an adult, but she lacks common sense life experience and her mistake could have impacted you all.

FWIW The stranger was also stupid and I do think needed telling that her choice was unwise. I fly alone frequently and my bag goes where I go, toilet cubicle and all.

Absolutely. I've done a lot of solo travelling and my bag always remained over my shoulder.

The OP’s DSis was incredibly stupid to mind a stranger’s bag.

If you’ve spent so much time at airports and the tube you’d know the announcements are not to leave your own luggage unattended.

I take a cross country commuter service (London - Manchester) weekly and people asking others to keep an eye on their bag whilst they pop to the loo or buffet car is common. Not everyone is hysterical and unable to assess risk .

In hindsight, do you wish you’d told the cabin crew? What negative comeback did you think might happen to you for doing so?

But you don't hold someone's bag do you? If I asked someone to keep an eye on my bag, I'd not expect them to touch it, or move it or be associated with it in any way - just to literally keep an eye on it and shout if someone tried to nick it, which they almost certainly won't. If you haven't tried to take the bag through as if it's your own, no one is going to be able to claim any imaginary contraband in it is yours - it's not illegal to sit vaguely near someone else's property, even at an airport.

She was watching a bag, not taking it through security as her own, just keeping an eye. I don’t see the problem, unless bag owner was a bomber or terrorist or drug dealer, the chances are slim.

Better the wrath of your mum than airport security!

Watching bags on a train isn’t the same as an airport though.
The risk of a bomb being in the bag is there wherever you might be, whether it’s an airport, train, theatre or soft play.

But airports are absolutely notorious as targets due to the huge impact an explosion would have. And there’s the far more likely risk of smuggling and being detained - even if the bag was completely innocent, she was risking being questioned and delayed.

Not the same level of risk at all on a cross country train. I too make a judgement call and sometimes watch bags on a train. I would never do so in an airport, and especially not before they’d been scanned through security.

The CCTV would indeed sort the matter out, by which time OP and her family would have long missed their plane…

I’m imagining her response was part frustration that she’d raised a child who would agree to do such a stupid thing and part worry that it would turn out not to be the innocent request that your sister believed it to be, and part anger that your sister’s choice could potentially impact on all three of you and that your sister would end up in serious trouble because she refused to listen to your mum’s request to walk away and leave the bag (although that would probably have caused more problems than it solved).

If she’s got a history of not respecting your boundaries then I can see why you’d think that this is just another example. But I’m wondering what these boundaries are that needed trampling on? Because if it’s similar stuff to the bag issue, I’m not surprised she feels the need to interfere.

I take a cross country commuter service (London - Manchester) weekly and people asking others to keep an eye on their bag whilst they pop to the loo or buffet car is common. Not everyone is hysterical and unable to assess risk

@Itsmetheflamingo How do you risk assess whether someone is carrying something dodgy in their bag? And if it’s because they’re commuters you see regularly, how does your situation compare to someone in an airport?

Your sister is an idiot.

And it isn’t just a case of your sister’s precious boundaries, it’s a risk to everyone. Under the ‘See it, say it, sorted’ mantra another passenger could reasonably have reported what they saw to security.

A bag left with a stranger is just an unattended bag disguised. And unattended bags are defined as a risk.

Sorry to hear that you’ve had this situation at the end of a time away OP. Travel can be stressful at the best of times.

My take is that your mum is a human being and as such is not going to handle every situation with perfect patience, calm and good humour.
Fear makes people ratty. I probably would have been just as cross as your mum. Id have been wondering if it was a bomb, or drugs, or weapons, thinking of the terrible consequences that might have been set in train by your sister doing this ‘simple favour’.

If you and your sis had been 8 years old, I might have been able to moderate my angry reaction but the fact you’re both in your 20s would have actually intensified it because I would have felt like - as adults - you both should have known better.

There might well be an internal dialogue going on for your mum along the lines of ‘Omg, WHEN can I expect my children to make sane and sensible decisions? Will I forever be expected to be the grown-up with them, assessing risk on their behalf and acting accordingly? Where have I gone wrong? Can I ever be off-duty?’
It can be exhausting having to be the one shouldering the mental load.

I don’t know if you and your sister have kids yourselves, but I wonder if it might be worth stepping into your mum’s shoes and seeing what else this issue might really be about.

Obviously I don’t know the whole story, but perhaps extend a little grace to your mum for reacting in a human way, and seeing if this can be a pathway to more connection and understanding between the three of you?