Another short-term relationship ended...why? :(

[buzzheath]

I'm almost 34. Have a good life, job, hobbies, my own flat etc. Don't want kids but would love a long-term partner.

Another relationship where I was in love has ended. He ended it. We were in a small argument and he got up to try to leave and I was really emotional, crying a lot etc. Next day he said I blocked him from leaving and stood in front of the door and this crossed boundaries and made him feel unsafe.

Im about 5 foot. He's a lot bigger and stronger than me..ofc I apologised and I don't have form for this, it was just an emotionally heightened situation. Feeling so bereft and sad. Is this fair?

OP, did you barricade him in?

Feeling 'unsafe' in a relationship does not automatically mean being at risk of physical violence. It can mean a complete lack of respect , trust, harmful recurring patterns of behavior that make one partner feel scared, controlled, or pressured.

It's also a bit shit to assume that just because a woman is small that a larger bloke should be able to 'handle' himself in the event of physical assault. What's he supposed to do, just stand there while she let's off steam hitting him?

The most vicious, hard nosed women I have encountered have all been short. Like snappy Jack Russells so I'll ignore your ickle wickle me stance. From the information in your OP you sound like you might be quite intense, a bit emotionally wobbly ( crying hard after a small argument, not sure if this was pre or post split though) blocking someone's exit is at best needy, but totally unacceptable. Your ex has told you how he felt at this incident, Listen, understand, and reflect.

@buzzheath I'm almost 34. Have a good life, job, hobbies, my own flat etc. Don't want kids but would love a long-term partner.

All positive points.

Another relationship where I was in love has ended. He ended it. We were in a small argument and he got up to try to leave and I was really emotional, crying a lot etc. Next day he said I blocked him from leaving and stood in front of the door and this crossed boundaries and made him feel unsafe.

It's hard to see why someone would end a relationship because of the girlfriend standing in front of a door.

So basically, it's not possible to answer your question from the information provided, and there is some other reason why the relationship has ended.

Yours was totally unacceptable behaviour. As other posters have said you need to work on yourself and I would suggest while single. If he felt unsafe, he felt unsafe and that's that. Good for him ending it. Sorry I know it's hard. Best of luck.

I genuinely reported this because it’s got so many red flags that I thought it must be fake. Sorry, OP. So let’s look at all the things that worry me here, and maybe some of them are just phrasing sounding badly:

”another short-term relationship ended” - how often does that happen if you’re saying “another”?

”another relationship where I was in love” - how fast do you fall in love, if you’re constantly having short-term relationships where you’re in love ending?

”We were in a small argument and he got up to try to leave and I was really emotional, crying a lot etc” - Why were you really emotional and crying a lot for a small argument?

“Next day he said I blocked him from leaving and stood in front of the door… ofc I apologised and I don’t have form for this” - So you DID block the door? It doesn’t matter if he’s “bigger and stronger;” what you did was abusive, and you’re using the old abuser’s excuse of saying you’ve never done it before or you don’t have form for it

”it was just an emotionally heightened situation” - this doesn’t make what you did acceptable

“Is this fair?” - What do mean, is it fair? You crossed his boundaries, most people are going to agree you crossed acceptable boundaries, and he, appropriately, ended it. I would have too.

Note: I have had relationships with both men and women and the size of the other person doesn’t determine how acceptable or unacceptable my actions are. It would always be unacceptable to block someone from the door. If I did it, I would expect someone to break up with me. And if you were blocking the door after he made it clear it was over, you’re lucky he didn’t call the police on you (I would call the police before I put my hands on an ex, 5 feet 0 or not).

I agree, but she just said “another” with no additional information, it could mean 1 or 10.

Too much drama. I would have left too

I had a boyfriend do that to me once and it felt really, really aggressive. I finished with him too so I can’t say I blame him.

Two, maybe three posters have criticised the man. Maybe you should read the thread again?

EUPD

Again: Two, maybe three posters have criticised the man. Maybe you should read the thread again?

It’s definitely not fair. “Unsafe”?? He’s a pathetic excuse for a man. I know you will feel heartbroken but it will pass. So sorry this has happened to you.

Why is he a pathetic excuse for a man?

Because he did not use his alpha male physical size and super manliness to simply move the small woman out of his way.

And nor should he if he can avoid manhandling her.

Besides, there's more than one thing to be scared of.

For all we know he was scared of her unpredictability during her heightened emotional state over a small argument.

Pretty sure @ChamonixMountainBum was being sarcastic...