Cafes should have 2 lines...

[Mysterian]

...one for people like me who want sensible drinks like a cup of tea, and one for those who want freaky complicated things requiring bizarre steampunk looking machinery that take as much as 45 minutes to prepare. Take your order for a wombat milk frappy-mocha foam with cream and splash of smugness syrup and get out my way.
2 lines. One with a sign saying "Normal" above it and one saying "Can't Understand Normal Tea Stuff" overhead.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate, but without the la-di-da stuff like cream and chocolate powder. Like John Wayne or Jesus would have had.

Couldn't you just take a travel mug with hot tea, that's what I do,

Yes, and for that reason alone, the OP is being very, very unreasonable.

Not sure about Jesus. Apparently he had a "special" cup, and then it would be lost for thousands of years . I dont want to be in that queue while they look for it ! .

These places that sell fancy coffees that require machines for stuff like frothed up milk need to have more machines. They are utterly ill equipped to provide what they sell but for reasons that mystify me people just accept this and wait.
If they wanted food and they only had one saucepan and had to do one meal at a time then clean the pan would they wait??? And your food goes cold while you wait for your friends...
I suppose people do wait on pancakes / crepes but you can at least see the progress underway there.

This. These should be everywhere. You key it in, then collect.

That's some Crusade.

Can we have a cafe (yes Costa, you) that has more than one person using one machine when the queue is out the door? They have 3 machines (drive through) but only one being used for the cafe, with numerous staff wandering around. USE THE OTHER BLOODY MACHINE! Instead one guy on the till taking orders at a rate of knots as the barista faffs about, also if one order has 2 lattes heat enough milk for them both instead of heat one serving, pour, fill jug, heat then serve.

I think I will have to change cafes for the good of my blood pressure!

I would like one line for people with payment ready (mainly men) and another line for the people (generally women), who when the server announces the cost, look genuinely perplexed as to what to do next. Then when they do realise payment is required, only then do they start to look through a Mary Poppins bag for a purse (which can take some considerable time).

We have fast and slow lanes on the escalators in the London underground which work a fair amount of the time. I don't see why we can't have something similar in cafes.

My 96 year ol, Great Aunt has a cappuccino! 🤗😂

But everyone else has to queue except a NHS worker?

In rural areas, those petrol stations are often the only shop for miles around and perform an essential function.

I giggled when I read this OP's post. I used to work shifts years ago and when i started I was in charge of making the tea. Approx 14 mugs of tea on a tray with a sugar bowl and spoon. Easy.
Last week I was working with a chap I hadn't met before in a branch office neither of us had worked in before. At tea break I offered to make him a cup of tea. He asked for decaffinated tea with soya milk. He had brought neither to the office.

I was stood behind a couple in a National Trust tea room as we approached the front of the line four others joined them... it turned out that they were a group of volunteers. They each ordered a cappuccino with a couple of modifications. Took bloody ages all I wanted to do was pay for an ice cream. Thought it was a shitty thing to do pushing in when they knew they wanted complex drinks.

Tea drinkers can be just as bad as coffee drinkers...

I currently have 7 different types of tea in my kitchen. DD and DH insist they are all very different. Different ones are drunk at different times of day.

I don't like tea. I have coffee.... and my guilty pleasure of instant cappuccino sachets.

Forget coffee shops, we need hot chocolate shops. Where you can choose the country of origin. Want something with hints of berry try this one or how about a pure chocolate shot? Do you want hand whipped double cream on that or a shot of hazelnut?

Forget hot chocolates being classed as "luxury" because they have a bit of squirty cream and a few slightly stale marshmallows or got forbid it's made from melted Cadbury buttons.

There is a specialist coffee shop by me that sells every coffee you can imagine. I dont drink coffee but it looks amazing. They sell a few different teas. The "luxury" hot chocolate? Galaxy instant.

So true about dogs and pavements. It's a bit too awkward to create additional pavements, so I would suggest they move over or step off the pavement to allow people to pass.
Radical, I know.

i also like those where you scan a QR code on the menu at your table and order your meal and drinks online. So much more efficient.

Yep. Far better

Cafes should have an honesty box for straightforward orders like tea: a big urn and teabags and a money box.

Same for filter coffee.

It's a problem at many post-parkrun cafes, they can't cope with a sudden rush of thirsty runners, but if they had the honesty box approach for basic drinks that would remove half the queue.

And they underline what a sodding joke the Sugar Tax campaign is, whereby normal types can’t even buy Robinson’s Lemon Barley without finding ghastly sweeteners in it 🤬
Why bother with squash-bothering when the people They ought to be scrutinising are those whose idea of being hip coffee drinkers involves a pint of liquidised Mars Bars and whipped cream, minus any coffee.

Okay - I agree. Two lines - one for normal polite people and one for rude impatient bastards.

Suck It Up - people love a latte or whatever - so just crack on. Why must you have your 'warm drink' immediately?

No need for that. The bar person can start another order while the Guinness settles. If they don’t have the common sense to do that, it’s on them, not the customer.

That's what we call filter?
I've never been entirely sure.

Totally with you on the complex coffee orders - mines a black filter coffee, no sugar 😁

I took the original post in the light hearted way it was meant, but from the responses, it’s little wonder that anxiety and high blood pressure are so common!

You are getting a coffee, you’re not a firefighter on call. Be patient and generous with giving others the benefit of the doubt. You don’t know what is going on for others or what mental capacity they have.

It’s a much nicer way to live - You’re helping to create an inclusive environment. My elderly Mother wouldn’t have a clue how Subway works. If she suddenly decided to try a sub, I would expect her to be treated respectfully and with patience. Staff should explain how it works for those who don’t know. If staff cannot be courteous, what’s the point of them?