Cafes should have 2 lines...

[Mysterian]

...one for people like me who want sensible drinks like a cup of tea, and one for those who want freaky complicated things requiring bizarre steampunk looking machinery that take as much as 45 minutes to prepare. Take your order for a wombat milk frappy-mocha foam with cream and splash of smugness syrup and get out my way.
2 lines. One with a sign saying "Normal" above it and one saying "Can't Understand Normal Tea Stuff" overhead.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate, but without the la-di-da stuff like cream and chocolate powder. Like John Wayne or Jesus would have had.

Yes! A quick line.

I was just stuck behind a woman on a coffee shop that took 15 minutes to decide.

She couldnt decide if she wanted hot or cold coffww, what milk, if she wanted matcha or syrup

I was that person the first time I went into a Subway. cringes

The staff were a bit scary and impatient, though, and I ended up with a very uninteresting tuna sub on boring bread as a result. 😄

You mean there is enough room in your local cafe for two queues? Where is this strange place?!!

I want a cafe where you can see the cakes whilst queuing rather than the cakes be hidden behind the people in front who are ordering and paying. Then I'll have made my choice by the time my turn comes.

Similar here, the server was firing what felt like very complicated questions at me in a strong accent, and I got completely confused and ended up with something very basic.

I do understand it now.

I want two lines at airport security - one for those who have listened to the instructions and have shoes and coat off, laptop out and toiletries in the right sized plastic bag and one for those who didn’t listen and hold up the line whilst they undo their shoes, find their toiletries and then try and walk through the scanner with their keys in their pockets!

Yes! Also a neon flashing light above the till telling you how many drinks have been ordered on the app etc and so, whilst the queue might look short - indeed you might be the only person waiting to be served and the cafe might be pretty much empty - it will still be 15 minutes before they get to you

*queues

And at those petrol stations which have a mini supermarket attached - I just want to pay for my fuel rather than wait behind someone with 2 baskets full of groceries!

And those who have to put everything back in the right compartment of their huge bag before leaving the till

This is why I like the impersonal order screens in McDonald's. You can order then just wait in peace away from the counter.

Omg OP, I completely agree with you and have been saying this for ages!! I don't like coffee and know nothing about it (the clue is in my username) and it's really frustrating to be stuck behind a queue of people ordering their frappa chappa mocha locha concoctions which take ages to make. Happy New Year!!

I went into Greggs a few weeks back for a cake. The lady in front of me ordered some frozen syrup drink thing. After 5minutes (not joking!) and still looking nowhere near done, I walked out, as did various other people behind me.

It's Greggs! If I wanted to stand in line while they made fancy drinks, I would not go to Greggs.

I would if I could find one.

Two pedestrian lanes on the south bank, one for tourists bumbling along and generally being oblivious and one for people running to London Bridge to catch a train.

I mean, it feels a bit extreme to just launch them into the river but needs must.

hot chocolate with cream is la di dah?!

The same in central Edinburgh during August; a separate lane for locals who are just trying to go about their normal lives.

Entering into the Tea debate, it is only acceptable to order it from a cafe if it comes in a tea pot.

Op - YANBU

Slow and fast lanes work with roads so it should be fine with sidewalks as well. I'm a fast walker of course.

My local Costa went though a weird spell of serving it in a tall glass, but have thankfully reverted to teapots.

😂😂
TBH that’s why I tend to avoid coffee shops, if you can actually call those caramel hazelnut pumpkin spice etc. abominations ‘coffee’, and all the sodding endless faffing to make them.

Will that include inside Edinburgh Wakerley for the local witches who comprehend the labyrinth while us non locals just try desperately to escape with our sanity intact?

I can forgive Subway newbies. We've all been there and it isnt clear what the process is.

They need a clear sign with instructions:
Step 1 - choose your bread from a choice of...
Step 2 - choose your size. You can have...
Step 3 - choose your filling from the following...
Step 4 - pick your salad at the counter

You'll still get confused people but hopefully less of them.

They're basically coffee flavoured knickerbocker glories aren't they.

Totally with you.

As a tea drinker I resent that my drink takes ten seconds and everyone else's take ten minutes!

Also, if I have "large", it's a slightly bigger cup and a splash more hot water, yet £1.20 more price. Bigger coffee, I get it costs more, but bigger tea (I don't have milk) doesn't!