Moving house to sleep seperately

[SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp]

I'm a light sleeper, and my husband snores. I'm waking up nearly every night and can't get back to sleep. I'm exhausted and it's not getting better

We have a very small spare bedroom (would just about fit a single bed in) but he uses it as his office.

Would it be unreasonable to suggest moving house so we can have an extra bedroom?

OP we actually did this. There were more reasons why we needed to move than just his snoring but it was a huge contributing factor. Cannot recommend it enough. We always had very incompatible bedtimes/sleeping habits and sharing a bed was a nightmare, with both of us being tired & grumpy most of the time (I don’t snore but I fidget in my sleep & am a terrible insomniac so it wasn’t just DH keeping me awake). Separate rooms probably saved us.

I also love the fact that at the end of the day I can close my bedroom door & be on my own. I increasingly find that I’m very irritable/overstimulated by the evening and being able to go somewhere quiet & read/wind down is a godsend.

This is my husband too, but he refused to do anything to help so when he snores l nudge him to wake up. If I don't sleep, he doesn't either. He got fed up of it and he now does things to help. There's a combination, things that help. Cold drink of water, wearing cool clothing in a cool room, high up-propped pillows, sleeping on side, properly clearing his throat and using a snore throat spray. If one of these is off, his snoring is horrific so I get him to do the full routine again so if he's snoring - it stops. He gets annoyed and refuses to do it but I just keep him awake if he doesn't...and then he does it.
I listen to music on my headphones to drown it and that can help, but I've also got some loop earplugs for "better" nights. So I do help drown it out on my side.

When we bought our house 20 years ago, we bought it because it had 4 bedrooms, there's only two of us, but that also means 2 bathrooms so one each, a smallish bedroom each and two offices, lots of new builds have set ups like this, consider it if you are young enough for the considerable upheaval of moving, I love my own bedroom and bathroom.

Thats not a healthy relationship, it sounds controlling!

My partner and I had to sleep separately too, the trouble is he's a very fidgety sleeper and will keep ending up on his back which makes the snoring start.

I'm not extreme about making him go to doctors because they won't wave a magic wand over the situation as I don't think he has sleep apnea. Plus I've been waiting 7 months now for an appointment to have steroid jabs in the radiology department, the NHS is pretty fucked iny area!

Has he tried anything to address the problem so far? I shared a room with a dear friend who is the loudest snorer I’ve ever met. I was driven insane but I gently told her and she tried the over the counter snore strips and the problem was immediately solved, I couldn’t believe how effective they were for her. Worth a try.
My husband went through a phase of snoring too and the strips didn’t work for him. He has a lot of allergies so he went to the doctor and got a nasal spray and we bought an air purifier. He also lost a little weight (he wasn’t massively overweight before but I think it made a difference) and now doesn’t snore at all.
My point is, sometimes people will snore no matter what, but other times it can be very easily solved with minimal effort. I would be highly irritated if someone I shared a room with wasn’t even willing to do the bare minimum to try to address the problem.

I haven’t read through all the answers to know if this has been suggested already, but as a former night shift worker I highly recommend trying white noise, I could sleep through most sounds with a white noise app. But out of principle in your shoes I would be quite firm with this man to do something about this. Sleep deprivation is pure torture.

That is so positive! Well done!

Have you recorded him snoring and played it back to him?
We have had separate bedrooms for 40 years, as he snored like a trooper. It made for a happier marriage. Funnily enough as we are now in our 70s he doesn't snore very much now (we can actually go away in a campervan together!).
Don't put up with it, it will ruin your health.

One of the reasons I moved house, among others we needed more space, is to have a couple of spare bedrooms. 90% of the time we sleep in separate bedrooms. That does not in any way affect our intimate life or relationship whatsoever. In fact, it makes it a lot better. X

He doesn’t seem to care about upsetting you

I make the appointments as he is busy at work. I attend some of the appointments depending on what it is. If it's something serious then it's better to have an extra person so that things aren't forgotten.

I also attend important medical appointments with my mom and his mom.

This! He may be stopping breathing and the test is so easy, just have to wear a wrist monitor while asleep. Xx

Have you heard of Ozlo sleep buds? My DH snores and talks and I sleep like a baby with them! Cheaper than a house move, but YANBU!

Me and my husband also sleep separately.. I have chronic insomnia and have an awful time sleeping and have to medicate regularly. We are both in our thirtys and have separate bedrooms

It's simple really..either he goes to the sleep clinic or he clears out the office. You or him can survive in a box room. All you need is a bed. The rest of the stuff can stay where it is

I had this problem. We had a chat, I explained I couldn't function without sleep and we agreed to clear out the office. It kow has a single bed which he sleeps in.
I do feel a bit unreasonable that I sleep in a king size bed but I did and do offer to sleep in the single but he refuses.
It sounds like you have a husband problem rather than a lack of room problem. Why doesn't he want to help you get more sleep, especially if its his snoring thats effecting you.

I sympathise. After many years of disturbed sleep because of my husband's snoring, my husband finally went to the doctors. After a year waiting for a referral he was fitted with a plastic mouth mould which has made a huge difference. Insist your husband sleeps on the sofa, he'll soon go to the doctors. Good luck.

I'm glad he's agreed to at least see the GP.
My husband was the same, finally persuaded him to go, he was referred and they basically said as he's over weight and smokes this was the reason he snores. I was with him and explained about how he stopped breathing etc. Nope just lose weight and you'll be fine

Now 20 years later he's got heart problems from all the stopping breathing at night. This was discovered during investigation into another medical issue.
He now has a machine and no longer snores but unfortunately his condition is permanent.

I was forceful twenty years ago but obviously not enough!!

Move house, it will be the best thing youve ever done. Me and my husband sleep in separate rooms (have never shared with anyone long term as ex was long distance) and our lives and relationship is SO much better than when we were just trying to make it work. I am the lightest sleeper ever and it was genuinely affecting every area of my life. Sleep hygiene is huge aswell for a great start to your day.

No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable wanting somewhere to escape to so you can sleep soundly, however, I would be cautious making sleeping in separate bedrooms the norm.

DH and I slept separately for over a year becuase I'm such a light sleeper, and even his breathing, let alone his moderate snoring, irritated me. Our marriage broke down from the total lack of closeness and intimacy, and we were on the verge of splitting up as a result. Him coming back to the marital bed saved us. Now if he wakes me in the night and I literally cannot settle, I'll get up and go back to sleep elsewhere. He's also happy to sleep elsewhere if I'm feeling particularly perimenopausal/knackered/etc and want to guarantee a full nights sleep.

I've seen these in a shop and they are brilliant and very comfortable. The way the desk moves round with everything on is really great. They are expensive but much cheaper than moving house. I'd also recommend the Soundcore sleep buds - I wouldn't get much sleep without them.

We have a 4 bed house and an office and due to me and my DH having our own rooms, we use up all the rooms with our two kids 😂. I vote moving house if you can afford it, own bedrooms is fab and we’ve done it for years. Need to decide which room is the sex room 😄

My partner had the same issue. Turns out he has sleep apnea. Stopped breathing 30 times an hour and snored sooo loud. And yes we sleep separately. Its a nightmare to sleep together. I do miss him though. We are moving house so he gets a bigger bed.

Tell him about the connection between sleep apnea and Alzheimer's. Which is worse than death.

My ex partner refused to do anything about his snoring. I often had to go and sleep downstairs on the sofa. I thought he was a selfish arse at the time. Sleep is so important and to not even go to the doctor is really inconsiderate