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Original poster

Moving house to sleep seperately

128 replies

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 06:12

I'm a light sleeper, and my husband snores. I'm waking up nearly every night and can't get back to sleep. I'm exhausted and it's not getting better

We have a very small spare bedroom (would just about fit a single bed in) but he uses it as his office.

Would it be unreasonable to suggest moving house so we can have an extra bedroom?

OP posts:
PonkyPonky · 31/12/2025 08:04

24Dogcuddler · 31/12/2025 06:41

Took me ages to persuade my DH to go about his snoring and he does go to the GP. He got a referral to the Sleep Clinic and has severe obstructive sleep apnoea.
The CPAP mask has been a game changer.
Do you hear him stop breathing and start again when he’s snoring?
He needs to get help for both your sakes. His health is at risk if he has apnoea. Certainly not doing you any good.

I think my husband has this. His snoring is sometimes another level and he definitely stops breathing regularly. Is the CPAP not just as annoying as the snoring though? I thought they were quite loud?
OP… definitely move house. If we could afford it, I’d have moved by now to have my own room!

ocolo · 31/12/2025 08:08

I'd make him use the spare room for sleep and work. No need for you to move from your bedroom.

it's very common to sleep separately, it's just that many don't need to admit it or explain it to anyone! Like us ....

MirrorVent · 31/12/2025 08:11

Why on earth would you take the small spare room - he's the one with the snoring problem, he should move to the spare room.

ErrolTheDragon · 31/12/2025 08:27

ocolo · 31/12/2025 08:08

I'd make him use the spare room for sleep and work. No need for you to move from your bedroom.

it's very common to sleep separately, it's just that many don't need to admit it or explain it to anyone! Like us ....

Absolutely - he can reconfigure it however he wants.

The only reason for him to have the main bedroom IMO is that realistically, if you like a cuddle etc at bedtime it may be harder to get him to move for sleeping than choosing to get up and go to the other bed yourself.

BoxOfCats · 31/12/2025 08:35

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 07:44

Thank you, I've just had a look at foldaway desks and didn't realise there were so many options (some look really nice!)

Thanks also for the bit about sharing a bed, I've felt so bad suggesting it, as I love him and don't want to upset him, but it's nice to know it's 'normal' to sleep seperately, if that makes sense!

Show quote history

You love him and don’t want to upset him?
Why? He seems to have no issue with upsetting you due to his inaction in addressing the problem. Totally selfish and not a way to treat someone you love.

NotInMyyName · 31/12/2025 08:42

You dont need to visit a doctor but can do an “at home sleep study” and then buy your own kit. I have a v quiet machine. Id recommend starting with a nasal or nose only mask. The NHS machines are not as quiet.

He will also be exhausted with poor sleep. Its life changing to treat really bad snoring. More energy etc.

If untreated it can contribute to high blood pressure etc.

Google search INTUS they are reputable.

Its not cheap to get tested and set up but cheaper than moving house.

Andtheworldwentwhite · 31/12/2025 08:43

Nope nope nope. He doesn’t get to keep u awake and he gets a wonderful night sleep. It’s incredibly selfish. I am a light sleeper and my husband snores. So he spends at least four to five nights asleep in the spare room. But he chooses to do this as he isn’t selfish and knows that people need sleep. I would be non functional at work if I didn’t sleep.

Mumsknot · 31/12/2025 08:44

Even if he goes to the doctor and gets a CPAP (if he needs one), it’s still bloody noisy (and I can often hear Dp snore or snort through it). There is often no easy answer - you can’t always stop snoring

Eyeshadow · 31/12/2025 09:02

Honestly, if the relationship is otherwise good and he needs his office then I would definitely look into moving.

I don’t think it’s fair that you sleep on a pull out bed long term.

Lots of couples sleep separately and I think both having your own rooms is a good idea.

Lack of sleep is going to really affect your relationship and actually having your own space is never a bad idea.

I would discuss it with him and perhaps just the discussion would push him into making a gp appointment.

Newmeagain · 31/12/2025 09:13

will sleeping in the small room be comfortable for you long-term? I ask because as you get older I think it’s important to have the option of a comfortable separate room.

toomuchfaff · 31/12/2025 10:41

olympicsrock · 31/12/2025 06:34

He doesn’t get to refuse to go to the doctors when your health is suffering . He needs to tackle his snoring . Overweight? Smoking ? Alcohol ?
alternatively he loses his study or you move house . His choice

Absolutely.

He can keep the office and sleep in there as well...

Original poster
SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 10:59

ErrolTheDragon · 31/12/2025 08:27

Absolutely - he can reconfigure it however he wants.

The only reason for him to have the main bedroom IMO is that realistically, if you like a cuddle etc at bedtime it may be harder to get him to move for sleeping than choosing to get up and go to the other bed yourself.

Show quote history

I can't say there's much cuddling if I'm being honest

OP posts:
Original poster
SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 11:02

Newmeagain · 31/12/2025 09:13

will sleeping in the small room be comfortable for you long-term? I ask because as you get older I think it’s important to have the option of a comfortable separate room.

That's a good point. We do have a second bigger room, but it's my daughter's and we've just decorated. Realistically that room will be used for another 15 years

The smallest room (the office) is about 1.8m by 2.8m

OP posts:
mugglewump · 31/12/2025 11:07

My DH and I mostly sleep in different rooms, partly because he works shifts but also because he snores. And apparently I do too now at 62. The kids were very concerned at first because they thought we were splitting up. But you do reach a stage in life when sleep is more important than sex. Maybe that's not the case for others, but separate rooms for 6/7 nights works for us. I think you need to make this transition. Sleep is very important.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 31/12/2025 11:17

What a selfish man. To be honest, I’d leave. I left a selfish snorer. The love I had died for him when he wouldn’t do anything about his snoring. I’d get out of our shared bed and go to the spare room. He’d wake up and join me! Didn’t like sleeping alone. He’d wake me getting into the bed and then he’d snore and wake me again. Utterly selfish. I’ll never forget the bliss of getting into bed in my own home knowing that a snoring pig wasn’t ever going to disturb me again. Seriously, leave him. He doesn’t care about you. If he did he’d be at the Drs sorting it out.

Wonderbug81 · 31/12/2025 11:18

Move the desk to the main bedroom so you can put a single bed in the spare room?

beAsensible1 · 31/12/2025 11:18

bumblebeessarecool · 31/12/2025 06:43

I bought sleep earbuds and they are really comfy to sleep in. I bought Soundcore that have an app and play white noise. You can also get noise cancelling ones. Might be easier and cheaper than buying a new house

Yeah we have these. They’re excellent

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/12/2025 11:24

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 06:22

No, he won't go. He really doesn't like going to the doctor's

Show quote history

That’s pathetic of him, he can sleep on the sofa yntil
he goes to the doctor or lose his office

themerchentofvenus · 31/12/2025 11:32

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 11:02

That's a good point. We do have a second bigger room, but it's my daughter's and we've just decorated. Realistically that room will be used for another 15 years

The smallest room (the office) is about 1.8m by 2.8m

Show quote history

It's not a choice about seeing a doctor. He must go. If he has any respect for you at all he would go.

I suggest he sleeps on the sofa or gives up his study until the snoring is resolved.

My DH snores if he has more than 2 pints so when he has been out to the pub the sofa is all his!

Fontet · 31/12/2025 11:35

You are able to have a fixture at the dentist that is measured to his jaw called sleep well. It's expensive but certainly helps.

SecretYoda · 31/12/2025 11:43

My DH went to sleep clinic (apnea ruled out), tried different mouth devices and nothing worked. It really affected my sleep and we had to sleep in different rooms.

Within days of starting Mounjaro for various health reasons, he had stopped snoring completely, well before any significant weight loss. It seems to be a thing. Might be worth a try before resorting to moving house, especially if he needs to lose weight anyway.

BuckChuckets · 31/12/2025 16:20

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 07:51

I'm not too sure, he brushes it off. I know he doesn't like the 'admin' of making the appointments, and how you can only say one problem at a time. I wish I could just make the appointment for him and make him go!

Show quote history

How about you move house on your own, and leave the pathetic man baby where he is? 😂

LJH001 · 31/12/2025 22:06

SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp · 31/12/2025 06:12

I'm a light sleeper, and my husband snores. I'm waking up nearly every night and can't get back to sleep. I'm exhausted and it's not getting better

We have a very small spare bedroom (would just about fit a single bed in) but he uses it as his office.

Would it be unreasonable to suggest moving house so we can have an extra bedroom?

We do this now. We both sleep and aren't grumpy. You won't regret it. Then you also both get beds that suit you

Greenwriter76 · 31/12/2025 22:47

DH sleeps in our spare room which I use as my wfh office - we fit a double bed in there and a small corner desk and chair.
There are many clever solutions for multi use smaller rooms so if I were you I would try that first, with one of you sleeping in there - it’s not fair your dh is ruining your sleep but also gets the spare room as an office.

peacefulpeach · 31/12/2025 22:48

Could you get a much bigger bed? A much bigger bed, 2 duvets and earplugs. Might work..

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