Moving house to sleep seperately

[SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp]

I'm a light sleeper, and my husband snores. I'm waking up nearly every night and can't get back to sleep. I'm exhausted and it's not getting better

We have a very small spare bedroom (would just about fit a single bed in) but he uses it as his office.

Would it be unreasonable to suggest moving house so we can have an extra bedroom?

Sleep deprivation is the worst. Completely understand how you feel. Think sorting the small room into a sleeping space and putting the desk somewhere else may at least provide a short term solution.

He shouldn't be driving if he has sleep apnea - does he drive?

This sounds awful. I also sleep with a snorer, and he's much worse on his back. So we tie up some of the back of the t shirt he sleeps in on a hair bobble to make a small bump of fabric to remind him to turn back onto his side. You could implement that one tonight...
We also find an open window is essential and a fan helps in summer. But it sounds like your DH may need extra help too.

Move him into his office and get a good nights sleep. I always listen to an audiobook which frown out all other noise (our cats)

This...

As he's the one refusing to go to doctor and you're the one suffering!

Whilst I know you are right and fully understand why I worry that this is exactly why so many fail to deal with/investigate these problems.

Snoring - weight and drink. Doctor won’t do anything! It’s the DIY nhs now. Of course you need a bigger house!

So we had a long chat, I don't think he realised how much I was struggling

He slept on the sofa last night and I slept through which was lovely

He's said he will go to the doctors and is happy to get a spare single bed in the office. We'll need to have a rejig of things and a declutter so I'm making a start today

We both agree that we love this house, but if it doesn't work then moving is something we can look at doing

Thank you all for your kind messages, I was feeling very tired and upset and it was nice to feel I wasn't being unreasonable

Hi OP, my husband and I have / had the same issue. We do have a spare room and have slept separately for years. I prefer it but my husband wanted to share a bed again. He lost a lot of weight and his snoring has reduced a fair bit. We’ve started sharing a bed again but I absolutely cannot tolerate breathing noises at all (nose whistles, ANY snoring). I wear ear plugs AND a snoozeband. They’ve been life savers. I have ‘pink noise’ on with the snoozeband but you can connect it to anything that suits you.

good luck OP

Yes move house not sleeping will cause many problems you need to rest .

Back in 2018 we moved to a new house, my wife had similar issues whereas she was a light sleeper, I fall asleep as soon as head hits the pillow and apparently snore loudly which was no good for my wife and no good for me as she kept waking me up telling me I was snoring too loudly.

We moved as I said, two large bedrooms, both en suite so made perfect sense for us to sleep separately, we’ve never looked back.

If it’s within your budget, do it.

My partner has a CPAP machine which is almost completely silent once it has started up. I understand from him that there are different models available but I think he got it from the NHS - it certainly feeds back data to the sleep clinic. It’s insured for about £4K so even if you had to pay it would be cheaper than moving house.

I’m in the same situation @SoTiredAllTheTimeHelp. We do have other bedrooms, but they are the teens’ rooms. We paid off our mortgage a couple of years ago, and there is no way we could stay local (which we need to do - schools, elderly parents ) and upsize.

I have tried many sorts of earplugs, but these ones Alpine Sleep Deep actually work. 3 months ago I was so desperate I was going to DM’s house to sleep - 10 mins away, but these actually seem to be ok. We’re still together anyway.

DH is not overweight, doesn’t smoke, barely drinks. His dad uses a CPAP machine, and DH is about the age his dad was when he got his. He absolutely, outright will not engage with the fact that he snores. I suspect because sleep apnoea is notifiable to the DVLA, and his (our) livelihood depends on him being able to drive.

The only unreasonable one here is your husband. He either needs to go to the doctor or move into his office. Or both!

From previous posts it looks as though his lifestyle choices are causing the snoring, so he also needs to make better choices so he isn't depriving you of sleep

This is wrong. My Consultant for my sleep apnea says controlled symptoms do not mean no driving. They can and do test for this regularly to make sure you are safe and well regulated. I would imagine a lot depends on the severity of each case but with my machine and testing I drive.

My ‘D’ H is a committed and enthusiastic snorer and he recently got a mouth guard thing on Amazon and it is working well, he also said he feels better in the morning. He has that and I have a snoozeband and listen to audible when I’m awake. I’ve always been a crap sleeper but this isn’t so bad. Oh I also have the You’re looking well night tablets and I take magnesium.

If you google it on the dvla site it gives great guidance on there.

Came on to say this, combine office and bedroom into the bigger room.

You can drive if you are tested and contolling your symptoms check the DVLA guidance ..there is so much mis information about this and it stops people getting treated out of fear. Please reassure yourself it might help your partner.

Sleep is so important. I genuinely think that I would be divorced by now if we didn't have a spare room for me to sleep in. It's not even a spare room now. Its my room. It feels a bit weird telling people I sleep separately from my husband but I sleep, he sleeps, we are happy, there is sufficient shagging going on. It's brilliant.

Why can't you make the appointment? I make appointments all the time for my husband. I even attend a lot of them.

If you can, try to record his snoring on his phone before his doctors appointment aso he can play it to them. The sound of sleep apnoea is very distinctive. Its basically stopping breathing and depriving the brain of oxygen repeatedly over several hours.

Sleep apnoea is so dangerous it's a reportable medical condition for PCV licences (passenger carrying vehicles), such as bus/coach/taxi/train drivers and pilots.

That's because of the risk of micro sleep events in waking time(i.e. momentary nodding off), plus much higher risk of heart attack and stroke. Through my job I've seen some terrifying CCTV of driver micro- sleep events and the even scarier thing is the driver wasn't even aware it had happened and had no memory of it. People have died because of this, including pedestrians and other road users. A friend of mine ended up driving his car into a ditch on the side of the road and was so lucky to miss hitting a huge tree head on.

And the infuriating thing is that a simple CPAP machine pretty much cures it (weght loss and cutting down alcohol helps of course) so all that can be avoided.

In the meantime, it's great you had a good talk and he is now accepting something needs to change. Strike while the iron is hot and make sure he makes that appointment asap!

2 bedrooms 2 bathrooms = long and happy married life

Do it. My DH has sleep apnea and has a C-Pap machine. Doesn’t snore with the machine but it sounds like I’m sleeping next to a hairdryer and I have to put a pillow between our faces because when he turns over and faces me, I get air blown into my face. DH is a restless sleeper so kicks and fidgets despite being able to drop off in minutes. I can take up to two hours to drop off and the noise, air and his fidgeting drives me up the wall and prolongs this. Yet he always wakes up and says he’s tired because he slept shite even though I’ve had approx 4hrs. I can’t wait to make our spare room mine once we’ve decorated it. Sleep is so important and I’m in perimenopause and don’t need this at all given I’m now a light sleeper and need quiet to fall and stay asleep.

Yep, another vote for separate rooms and a happy marriage.

I have adhd so am foul if tired....been married 30 years, all good.