Why do none of my in-laws wash their hands

[mintandcoral]

Need a rant to be honest. Actually sick of their lack of hygiene.

They’ve only arrived today and it’s making my skin crawl. I’ve gone to bed for an early night and I’ve just heard my fil going to the toilet, not flush or wash his hands. A few minutes later, mil comes up. She flushes at least but also, very definitely, does not wash her hands! The toilet is a small toilet along our upstairs landing (separate from a bathroom) and you can hear the tap being turned on very clearly.

We had chicken wraps for dinner, all putting their fingers in the sodding salad. Fil currently has a cold.

Debating whether to say something to my husband but there’s a huge backstory whereby he feels like I’m constantly criticising them, so probably best to keep my mouth shut. I might just passive aggressively repeatedly remind the kids to wash their hands tomorrow.

When I've had to do it, I've treated them like children. "Mike can you please wash your hands, there's a clean towel and soap in the downstairs loo". Patronising, immature, probably! It's also basic manners and basic hygiene. If you're eating in my house then you wash your hands as I do in your house.

No, I’m not and if you met me you’d actually see that I’m pretty relaxed on the whole. My house isn’t a sterile box.

Been there. You can try and ignore it, call them out and have everyone seethe at you and/or proclaim you must have some sort of OCD, invent some diet you’re sticking to so you don’t ever eat their cooking, or avoid social situations with them as much as possible.

Good luck to you!

Hand gel doesn't kill all germs, including norovirus.

I might have to practice this line ready for the rest of the week 🥲

Its alright ive wiped everyone of my children's shitty bums and I stuck my finger up my partners bum plenty of times and I'm still alive even after walking through the house to a sink afterwards. It just comes across a bit obsessive

Omg why don’t they flush 😩

Jesus Christ Almighty God. Where do you live? I hope I have never been to your house. When you do a poo, you flush the toilet with a hand so filthy you feel the need to wash it. When you have a piss, you flush the same toilet. Pressing the same button. The button you pressed after doing a poo. But then you don’t wash your hands? Make it make sense.

I’ve already stopped making visits to theirs because I couldn’t handle the lack of cleanliness. They had a mouse living in their kitchen at one point- but mil said it was ok because she’d found ‘no mouse poo anywhere!’ How strange. It was a special mouse that didn’t poo.

God the more I write the more insane I realise it sounds!

it varies, I use the “I just put new soap in the loo and the water is warm for you”.
Also, “I’ll boil the kettle for a cup of tea, whilst you wash your hands” if they say something like, no, it’s ok I will pointedly say oh please do I put new towel in specially!
I also, very obviously, put in a clean towel when I know they can see me, and say something like, “now, all set for you to wash your hands…clean towel”
In essence, it’s just a behavioural nudge, I’m prompting, not commanding

Why don’t they wash? I’ve never understood the point of a sink wash really. It takes 2 mins to hop in the shower and you’re less likely to get water everywhere in the bathroom.

@youalright One persons ‘obsessive’ is the majorities basic hygiene.

I completely agree. We have a lovely huge walk in shower!

My mum was brought up in a house that didn’t have an indoor bathroom or toilet. The toilet was at the bottom of the yard and didn’t have a sink for handwashing. The only sink was in the kitchen and hot water for that came from a wall-heater which just got switched on for washing up. The bath was a portable tin bath which was put in front of the fire in the living room once a week and filled up from the kettle.

I’m probably the same age as your in-laws. I was brought up in a house with an inside bathroom, but that over-hang of hot water being a scarce resource persisted. We had baths and hair-washes once a week and hand-washing wasn’t regarded as necessary.

I was into my late 20s and mixing with people from more affluent backgrounds before I started showering daily and washing my hair more than once a week. The hand-washing thing never really registered with me until COVID. I think I knew I was meant to do it, but it wasn’t ingrained. It didn’t seem to affect my health.

Now, my adult children seem to me to be obsessional about hand-washing every 5 minutes but I recognise this is just current guidelines. I do what I’m told but I reserve the right to roll my eyes.

This is excellent.

I'm dying to know what your day job is!

Some people clearly don’t understand anything about bacteria. They’re small, they go all over the place. They’re in the toilet bowl near your hand when you wipe yourself. They can end up on your toothbrush if you flush with the lid up. They’re not just contained within visible poo stains, like some people here seem to think!

No wonder we had a pandemic.

Yes- I do think this is a factor. They had deprived upbringings. Hell, my dh had a pretty deprived upbringing. Particularly in comparison to me, but maybe not for his area/demographic. He didn’t have central heating for the majority of his childhood and I know they shared bath water.

However, my dad was far more deprived yet he showers daily and is one of the cleanest most regimented people I know in terms of his personal hygiene.

Use this logic with them ...how you were bought up differently and can't stand to see them not wash their hands. You can speak about this topic in a polite way and make them understand your point of view.... surely your husband has learnt through you, so now you both can advise them on it, after the conversation if they still don't act on it then start digging at them by saying " I thought you'd be changing your habits after that talk we had" or tell them atleast whilst your staying with us I'll appreciate it if you do thank you 😜

I honestly have no idea!

There are some very dirty people here who should be ashamed.

You could say , " in this house we wash our hands before eating and after using the toilet ".

My in-laws wash up mugs just with water and their fingers / hands and put them on the draining board , then put in cupboard.

Once mother in law squashed a wasp on my plate with her fork and carried on eating.

She serves food up with one spoon and puts spoon in her mouth before serving the next person.

God, this reminded me of a partner at the firm loudly licking every finger of his right hand after eating his lunch at his desk. His version of washing his hands 🤔
Then proceeds to handle files 🤮
He’s also probably in the ‘no wash after toilet’ camp which makes it even more gross 🤮 🤮

Why/how someone would differentiate the hygiene reasons for peeing, pooing is beyond me too!!

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t wash your hands after using the loo - it’s not onerous. There’s a wash hand basin in the room, and you often have to walk past it to get out.

Same with food prep - there’s a sink in the kitchen anyway.

Nobody in this day and age is having to make a special trip to the nearest well or river.

I once was washing my hands after using the public loo in a hospital and a nurse came out of one of the cubicles and walked straight out 😩

Are you quite well? I've never listened to someone going to the toilet to find out if they wash their hands. What a bizarre thing to do.