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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the blow up bed?

136 replies

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 18:50

So what are your thoughts on this one.
I live with DH and my 2 children, boy 20, girl 18. DH has daughter,31 married with baby (1). She has never lived with us. DH bought a house in Cornwall before we married. It’s 3 double beds plus a study big enough for single blow up bed or cot. He wanted to be there for Xmas but we settled on Boxing Day with my children staying at home as both have work commitments. Son (and girlfriend) planned to come on 29th and leave 1st. I had come back on 30th for work 31st, pick up my daughter (plus possibly her boyfriend) and be back in time for midnight. We stay until 3rd. My step daughter, husband and baby came over xmas Eve as they chose the day to celebrate with us. Although she has open invitation to Cornwall, She then decided to join us. We of course said yes but said we are short of beds on 31st and explained the plan we had made nearly 2 month previously. She said they would get an Airbnb. 2 days later she asked my daughter to sleep downstairs on a blow up bed. Downstairs is open plan with no doors or door on staircase. My daughter has given up her bed since she was 5 every time my step daughter stayed either at my house or husbands in Cornwall so my daughter said no. My step daughter phoned her dad, screaming that it’s not right and she should have a bed as she has a baby (who would be sleeping in the study) and her husband is 6f1. I argued it was only for one night and it was unfair for my daughter to be woken up during the night and very early in morning as the baby would be up early and she would need the kitchen. The next day my daughter confirmed her boyfriend was coming too, but step daughter then refused to come if she didn’t have a bed. DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come. I had suggested they go to the nearby (20mins) premier inn leaving the baby with us (he has stayed with us overnight before) or they come on 1st instead. Both were refused. I maintained we had already made plans and my step daughter only decided a couple of days ago so she should have the blow up bed. But husband maintains his daughter should have it because she is older and has a baby. So who should be on the blow up bed?

For further context, I came home and my children decided to stay with me and no go. Husband is staying in Cornwall and his daughter is still visiting.

OP posts:
FollowSpot · 30/12/2025 18:57

Hard to follow.

But its your DH's house so no wonder his Dd feels she should get one of the bedrooms if she stays - and with her baby.

Squirrelblanket · 30/12/2025 18:59

The person who said they were coming last minute should really, but I'm not sure you can expect two adults and a baby to share a single airbed.

FWIW, I don't agree that parents should be prioritised for the 'proper' beds generally. We are child free and there are family members that we don't stay with any more because it's assumed we don't mind sleeping on camp/beds or on sofas in the living room. Like we're still kids.

Original poster
FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 19:03

to clarify, the blow up bed is a double and the only plane it will fit is downstairs in the open plan living room.

OP posts:
mutinyonthetwix · 30/12/2025 19:07

If the study fits a single blow up bed or a cot, how are your stepdaughter, her husband and her baby fitting in there?

Loubelou71 · 30/12/2025 19:07

I think his daughter should fit in with the plans which had already been made. Also if baby is likely to be up early she shouldn't be taking a room from someone who might be disturbed.

Ponderingwindow · 30/12/2025 19:10

It’s not safe for the baby to be in a blow up bed.
i also wouldn’t leave my baby with the grandparents while I went to a hotel.

i would however simply take myself and my child to a hotel if there was no proper room available

skiingbananacat · 30/12/2025 19:10

It's your DH's house, and it sounds like he won't get to celebrate with his DD if there's no flexibility from your family. I also think it's rotten she didn't have her own room in her Dad's house, so probably colouring my view.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 30/12/2025 19:11

The baby is in a travel cot in the study was what I thought

BrightLightTonight · 30/12/2025 19:12

Your son should. DH daughter has a baby, she needs a comfortable bed. That leaves either your daughter or your son.

I know manners these days are out the window, but the son should be gallant and offer to take the blow up bed

Original poster
FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 19:14

The baby has a travel cot in the study. Not sharing a bed or on a blow up bed. Sorry for the confusion!

OP posts:
BoarBrush · 30/12/2025 19:15

You and dh should frankly.

Gliblet · 30/12/2025 19:16

The person with repulsive enough manners to ring up and screech like a safari park chimp at feeding time demanding a bed sleeps on the blow up mattress. Or a pile of straw. Whichever you could be bothered to provide, really. Having a baby does not exempt you from behaving decently.

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 30/12/2025 19:17

When DH and I have been in a not-enough-proper-beds for guests situation, we've taken the crappest option - sofa bed/camp beds - and let the guests have the king size bed. In my opinion, barring issues with health etc. that would prevent it, the hosts should at least offer to take the worst bed.

I8toys · 30/12/2025 19:18

Plans were already made and she came along and expected everyone to jump to her tune. His DD is unreasonable

hyggetyggedotorg · 30/12/2025 19:19

You & your DH are obviously?

DSD & her baby take your room. DS & partner use a bedroom. DD & partner use a bedroom.

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:19

A relatively new mum looking after a baby shouldnt be on an airbed.

EleanorReally · 30/12/2025 19:20

if it is just one night they surely can accommodate without a screaming phone call?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 30/12/2025 19:20

Another vote for his DD and partner. The plan was made 2 months ago, she's a late addition so she gets the blow-up bed.

HyperactiveHyperdrive · 30/12/2025 19:22

You and your husband should have the crap bed. You have created a situation with too many kids so this is the consequence if you want to all be together.

jeaux90 · 30/12/2025 19:22

FollowSpot · 30/12/2025 18:57

Hard to follow.

But its your DH's house so no wonder his Dd feels she should get one of the bedrooms if she stays - and with her baby.

They are married. It’s their house not his.
I think the issue here is not who sleeps where it’s the entitlement. And why wouldn’t they want to sleep in the same room as their baby.

or you move the travel cot, into your room and let them take that one.

Your DD should not be the one to take it on the chin.

EleanorReally · 30/12/2025 19:23

just let your daughter give up her bed for one night

BreadInCaptivity · 30/12/2025 19:24

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:19

A relatively new mum looking after a baby shouldnt be on an airbed.

Then maybe she should have booked plans in advance or accepted no room at the inn and booked elsewhere.

martinisforeveryone · 30/12/2025 19:26

Never in my life of multiple generations of family strife, has anyone screamed. I find that so hard to comprehend.

In this given situation I'd just pay for my DD and her partner to stay in the Travel Lodge and a taxi back and forth and frankly, if I were the DD, I'd jump at that.

shouldicontactthisperson · 30/12/2025 19:28

This situation will presumably arise again - would it be possible to get a sofa bed for the study, a decent one that could be used by any of the couples?

Coconutter24 · 30/12/2025 19:28

If your DH is insisting his DD has a bed then he should give up his

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