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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who gets the blow up bed?

136 replies

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 18:50

So what are your thoughts on this one.
I live with DH and my 2 children, boy 20, girl 18. DH has daughter,31 married with baby (1). She has never lived with us. DH bought a house in Cornwall before we married. It’s 3 double beds plus a study big enough for single blow up bed or cot. He wanted to be there for Xmas but we settled on Boxing Day with my children staying at home as both have work commitments. Son (and girlfriend) planned to come on 29th and leave 1st. I had come back on 30th for work 31st, pick up my daughter (plus possibly her boyfriend) and be back in time for midnight. We stay until 3rd. My step daughter, husband and baby came over xmas Eve as they chose the day to celebrate with us. Although she has open invitation to Cornwall, She then decided to join us. We of course said yes but said we are short of beds on 31st and explained the plan we had made nearly 2 month previously. She said they would get an Airbnb. 2 days later she asked my daughter to sleep downstairs on a blow up bed. Downstairs is open plan with no doors or door on staircase. My daughter has given up her bed since she was 5 every time my step daughter stayed either at my house or husbands in Cornwall so my daughter said no. My step daughter phoned her dad, screaming that it’s not right and she should have a bed as she has a baby (who would be sleeping in the study) and her husband is 6f1. I argued it was only for one night and it was unfair for my daughter to be woken up during the night and very early in morning as the baby would be up early and she would need the kitchen. The next day my daughter confirmed her boyfriend was coming too, but step daughter then refused to come if she didn’t have a bed. DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come. I had suggested they go to the nearby (20mins) premier inn leaving the baby with us (he has stayed with us overnight before) or they come on 1st instead. Both were refused. I maintained we had already made plans and my step daughter only decided a couple of days ago so she should have the blow up bed. But husband maintains his daughter should have it because she is older and has a baby. So who should be on the blow up bed?

For further context, I came home and my children decided to stay with me and no go. Husband is staying in Cornwall and his daughter is still visiting.

OP posts:

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 20:24

EleanorReally · 30/12/2025 19:23

just let your daughter give up her bed for one night

Sounds like she’s given it up for 13 years already

wordler · 30/12/2025 20:25

If you and DH don’t want to do the blow up bed as hosts then you both need to come up with a family policy and stick to it.

Barring any actual medical problems:

Deciding accommodation at the same time you either gave the kids ‘take turns’ or draw lots. To make it fairer if you had the blow up last time you don’t have to be in the draw this time.

But in your current scenario it’s a first come first served scenario. If you decide to come at the last minute then you get what’s left.

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 20:27

Mix56 · 30/12/2025 20:20

At no point has the son & gf been asked to sleep on airbed….

I note this as well. Nobody drags the son into drama, tries to make him give up his bed and sleep in the public area or makes him the centre of an argument.

Hiptothisjive · 30/12/2025 20:30

I think this as crap from everyone. Fighting about bedrooms for one night over Christmas if it means family are together? Honestly?

If this was my family we would all agree together, or draw straws or take it in turns or give it to the person with most need (baby).

No one is covered in glory here and frankly a lot of selfish behaviour is coming through.

PullTheBricksDown · 30/12/2025 20:34

Why did your husband say that your daughter's boyfriend 'wasn't welcome anyway'? What's that about?

You've had 13 years to sort this. It would be nice if you'd converted another room or done something earlier. However it sounds like stepdaughter has always been able to pull rank and now the baby is the given reason, when it's never really been about that.

Foodylicious · 30/12/2025 20:36

Is there space for travel cot in one of the rooms? So SD, husband and baby share a room.
Presume there is a desk or other furniture in the study - could this be moved to make room for double airbed (for son and his gf for a change maybe)?

Diarygirlqueen · 30/12/2025 20:37

If the sd was an adult when you got together and your daughter was 5 when she had to give up her bed, that would make your sd around 40? I would expect my 18 year old daughter to give up her bed for 1 night especially with a young baby. Also, her screaming is very loaded. Suggesting she stays at a premier inn probably makes her feel unwanted in her dad's home. The whole tale makes the sd sound unwanted imo.

KarmenPQZ · 30/12/2025 20:41

What’s SDs plan for when her baby gets up presumably early but someone’s sleeping in the living space? If they stay in their room till everyone’s up then I think perhaps your daughter could take the airbed. If she’s assuming she gets the living space as well then she should take that.

but really I think as others have said you should offer her the master and take the airbed the. When grandchild gets up swap so you go get a couple more hours in a proper bed and she gets the living space.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/12/2025 20:41

Hiptothisjive · 30/12/2025 20:30

I think this as crap from everyone. Fighting about bedrooms for one night over Christmas if it means family are together? Honestly?

If this was my family we would all agree together, or draw straws or take it in turns or give it to the person with most need (baby).

No one is covered in glory here and frankly a lot of selfish behaviour is coming through.

I agree. There's some weird hierarchical shit going on here.🤯

I come from a big family who often experienced bed shortages during celebrations and holidays. Stronger, fitter ones take the blow-up, floor, sofa, sleeping bags in the awning🙈 etc.

YABU @FunAquaExpert.

SereneCoralExpert · 30/12/2025 20:45

DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come.

If he was my step-dad, I would make him happy and never bother seeing him again to be honest. Normal people would treat friends, not even family members, but friends better than that.

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 30/12/2025 20:46

Why keep stating dsd is a guest? She's faaaamily and they should be mucking in together
.. We sometimes holiday with dd 30 oddyo sharing a room with a primary school sibling. Of the opposite gender!
No airs and graces here...

Northerngirl821 · 30/12/2025 20:49

You’re ALL being unreasonable - one night on a blow up bed is not a big deal. Refusing to spend New Year together because of this stupid argument is daft.

MagicStarrz · 30/12/2025 20:53

If you agreed to your DS and DD staying on the basis DSD was not staying then there is an argument that she gets the airbed ("of course you can stay but only the airbed is free") however she's an adult woman with a child and I think it's more appropriate for the 18 year old to sleep on the airbed. Also sorry but it's her dad's house and doesn't look great that your two kids get the bedrooms while she gets the airbed. If your not prepared to make your DD or DS give up a bed then you and DH should take the airbed and give DSD your room.

Eenameenadeeka · 30/12/2025 20:58

If you're happy for his daughter to go to the premier inn, why not your son and his gf instead? I think it's crazy to suggest that they go and leave the baby, and I see why your husband wants his daughter to stay if he doesn't get a lot of time with her, where one of yours might actually like having their own space since they live with you. I think this is about more than beds because it's blown up into a drama but I think if she's never had space to stay in her Dads home even though he's obviously wealthy enough to own a second home, she feels quite put out (as your daughter does having to give up her bed too.)

MagicStarrz · 30/12/2025 21:01

Yes, sorry, also mad you suggest they leave the baby and go to a hotel rather than your own precious offspring sleep on the airbed! YABU.

TeenLifeMum · 30/12/2025 21:02

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 20:24

Sounds like she’s given it up for 13 years already

Show quote history

While step daughter never had her own space in dad’s home. New mum and baby need a room or baby will surely be in open plan and everyone tiptoeing round on nye.

Procrastinatrixx · 30/12/2025 21:12

I don’t believe for a second she was “screaming” over the phone, and the tone of the rest of the story feels unreal. I’m not sure I believe SD decided to join last minute either. I think you just don’t like your SD and she’s always been on the outer. How old is the baby and is it BF? Poor baby, having a Grandmother who would separate it from its parents by sending them off unwelcome from a supposedly family home. How on earth could you expect a good outcome from these decisions?

caringcarer · 30/12/2025 21:12

I'd stay home with DS and DD. Let your DH be in house with his DD and DGC. I'd actually refuse to go to his house ever again.

stample · 30/12/2025 21:18

Obviously you and dh give up your bed for potentially your SD her H and DC ? You two can have the blow up

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 21:22

TeenLifeMum · 30/12/2025 21:02

While step daughter never had her own space in dad’s home. New mum and baby need a room or baby will surely be in open plan and everyone tiptoeing round on nye.

Show quote history

They’ve already said baby will be in a cot in the study… not with mum

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 21:26

TeenLifeMum · 30/12/2025 21:02

While step daughter never had her own space in dad’s home. New mum and baby need a room or baby will surely be in open plan and everyone tiptoeing round on nye.

Show quote history

And that’s not the daughter’s fault… the stepdaughter had a room full time at her mums while daughter didn’t even have that.

Lavender14 · 30/12/2025 21:34

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 19:14

The baby has a travel cot in the study. Not sharing a bed or on a blow up bed. Sorry for the confusion!

In theory yes, but realistically many, many families often co sleep. Ds rarely slept a full night if we were away and I'd have ended up bringing him in to bed with me eventually. This isn't possible in a blow up.

I do think the dd is being quite entitled though given plans are already set and she's a last minute change. I can understand her not wanting to pay for a hotel or air bnb and also maybe not many being available but I think you have to work with what's there when you change your plans.

matercatta · 30/12/2025 21:37

I’d expect an 18 year old to give up a bed for a couple with a baby. The screaming doesn’t add a pleasant dimension to it but it just makes sense.

Ocelotfeet27 · 30/12/2025 21:38

A lot to unpack here. Firstly, why is DD's BF not welcome whilst other DCs partners are, DH being unpleasant there. Secondly, why are you and DH not offering to let them use your room and have baby in with them? Even if it is a faff. Thirdly, why is your DD always the one expected to give her room up, why is DS not being asked? Fourthly, if DD or DS were in the lounge why can't SD have her baby in the double room with her and stay there rather than wake them up early, surely she should just stay in her room with the baby until a reasonable hour? Fifthly, is SD used to getting her own way and thus stropping or is she actually just exhausted and overwhelmed which would make a difference for me.

Logical answer is this year you should have let SD have your room. Thereafter I would be installing a really decent sofa bed in the room you are putting the blow up bed in so that you dont have this issue in future. All of your 'children' are now adults so should be treated equally in future, DH saying DD is younger is stupid and irrelevant.

matercatta · 30/12/2025 21:40

caringcarer · 30/12/2025 21:12

I'd stay home with DS and DD. Let your DH be in house with his DD and DGC. I'd actually refuse to go to his house ever again.

Is this really how people behave? No wonder there are so many estrangements and LC families if people really behave this way. Never seems to happen in my family. Kids/adult kids may not like giving up their space but no big deal for a night. Have a moan and get on with it!

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