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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the blow up bed?

136 replies

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 18:50

So what are your thoughts on this one.
I live with DH and my 2 children, boy 20, girl 18. DH has daughter,31 married with baby (1). She has never lived with us. DH bought a house in Cornwall before we married. It’s 3 double beds plus a study big enough for single blow up bed or cot. He wanted to be there for Xmas but we settled on Boxing Day with my children staying at home as both have work commitments. Son (and girlfriend) planned to come on 29th and leave 1st. I had come back on 30th for work 31st, pick up my daughter (plus possibly her boyfriend) and be back in time for midnight. We stay until 3rd. My step daughter, husband and baby came over xmas Eve as they chose the day to celebrate with us. Although she has open invitation to Cornwall, She then decided to join us. We of course said yes but said we are short of beds on 31st and explained the plan we had made nearly 2 month previously. She said they would get an Airbnb. 2 days later she asked my daughter to sleep downstairs on a blow up bed. Downstairs is open plan with no doors or door on staircase. My daughter has given up her bed since she was 5 every time my step daughter stayed either at my house or husbands in Cornwall so my daughter said no. My step daughter phoned her dad, screaming that it’s not right and she should have a bed as she has a baby (who would be sleeping in the study) and her husband is 6f1. I argued it was only for one night and it was unfair for my daughter to be woken up during the night and very early in morning as the baby would be up early and she would need the kitchen. The next day my daughter confirmed her boyfriend was coming too, but step daughter then refused to come if she didn’t have a bed. DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come. I had suggested they go to the nearby (20mins) premier inn leaving the baby with us (he has stayed with us overnight before) or they come on 1st instead. Both were refused. I maintained we had already made plans and my step daughter only decided a couple of days ago so she should have the blow up bed. But husband maintains his daughter should have it because she is older and has a baby. So who should be on the blow up bed?

For further context, I came home and my children decided to stay with me and no go. Husband is staying in Cornwall and his daughter is still visiting.

OP posts:
Btowngirl · 30/12/2025 21:55

Sorry but we do a lot of travel with our DDs so everyone gets to see them/they get to see everyone. We constantly get shoved on the air bed/in living room and we just deal with it, but actually I think as his DD has a baby she should get the bedroom, she is also older and gets to spend less time with her dad. Your DD can get up early for 1 day surely? It also drives me mad when we drive the length of the country to visit people & we are by ourselves in someone else’s house until they decide to get up at 11am when we have been up hours. Wew think that was a bit of a vent!

TeenLifeMum · 30/12/2025 22:08

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 21:26

And that’s not the daughter’s fault… the stepdaughter had a room full time at her mums while daughter didn’t even have that.

Show quote history

It’s not about fault, it’s about the man’s dc often being second in their dad’s house and feeling like a guest. It’s a shit unwelcoming feeling.

That said, on reflection the baby will be awake early so baby’s parents being in the living space is perhaps sensible so long as other adults let them go to bed when they need to rather than making them stay up later than they want.

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 30/12/2025 22:14

You go on it.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 30/12/2025 22:16

On the bright side, you’ll get half the house in the divorce

partytimed · 30/12/2025 22:25

It’s your husbands house so his daughter should have the room especially since she has a baby FGS

NextItsBooty · 30/12/2025 22:30

caringcarer · 30/12/2025 21:12

I'd stay home with DS and DD. Let your DH be in house with his DD and DGC. I'd actually refuse to go to his house ever again.

Well, that’s the behaviour of a lunatic.

Tulipsriver · 30/12/2025 22:33

I'd always prioritise someone with a baby over other able bodied adults in this scenario, they are the most likely to need the sleep.

Original poster
FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 22:51

I thank everyone for your comments and perspectives. I put this out, not to prove who is right or wrong or to win an argument, but to genuinely see what people thought. It is often difficult to see the situation objectively when tensions are heightened and with everyone standing firm believing they are right.

As some people have said, there is obviously more history to the family dynamics which does impact on how each family member perceives and reacts to the situation which is too lengthy and complex to fully explain on here. Both me and my husband have defended our respective child, as every parent should, and sadly on this occasion no compromise was found so we are spending new year separately.
i loved the idea someone posted that we all draw straws for who gets the blow up bed and the next time that person is exempt from the draw. I see this as the fairest solution going forward as we all have valid reasons if you look at it objectively for not wanting the blow up bed (mine and DH being medical) But of course everyone has to agree to that for it to work!

OP posts:
ghostofchristmaspasta · 30/12/2025 23:10

I would nominate DS 20 for that, if the husband and step daughter sounded like normal people, but since they don’t I would run a mile from them both.

TooBigForMyBoots · 31/12/2025 01:30

matercatta · 30/12/2025 21:40

Is this really how people behave? No wonder there are so many estrangements and LC families if people really behave this way. Never seems to happen in my family. Kids/adult kids may not like giving up their space but no big deal for a night. Have a moan and get on with it!

Show quote history

No.

Most people are normal, have common sense and are practical. That's how we've survived so far.

Redpeach · 31/12/2025 02:02

She has a baby with a 61 year old?

BeeHive909 · 31/12/2025 02:20

Redpeach · 31/12/2025 02:02

She has a baby with a 61 year old?

He’s 6’1 in height not 61

Stompythedinosaur · 31/12/2025 02:29

The "children" are all adults, so I don't think there's an age hierarchy.

It seems unfair to remove a bed from an adult who was invited to stay, and frankly I don't see why a mum can't sleep on a blow up bed, I certainly did when staying with family when my dc were that age.

I wouldn't be happy about the favouritism to his dd tbh. At the very least, your dh should have been clear you your dc at the point of invite that they'd only get a bed if someone he preferred didn't want it. If he's going to be rude and unwelcoming, he should face up to it!

Honestly, I'd have given up the bed as host before I made the hierarchy of who was liked most this clear to a group of dc. It's unkind.

Shutuptrevor · 31/12/2025 02:31

You and your DH should take the airbed for the night.

Givemelemonsforlemonade · 31/12/2025 02:33

You and dh could sleep on the blow up bed.

BBCLW · 31/12/2025 02:53

You can't expect a mother to sleep downstairs while her baby is upstairs. Neither can you expect everyone else to sleep upstairs while there's a baby screaming blue murder because its mother is a floor away and can't hear it.

Either you give your room to the couple with the baby and you sleep downstairs, or you ask the single person to give up their double room and sleep in the study. The baby goes in with its parents and doesn't get a whole room to itself.

If your partner bought the house before you met him, it's not surprising that his daughter thinks she should be as welcome at his house as his adult stepchildren.

DeathStare · 31/12/2025 02:59

I think this is simple....

Your DSD, DD, and son's gf get one room.

Your DS, DSD's partner, and DD's partner get the other room.

If anyone doesn't like this arrangement they have volunteered to take the airbed. Wait to see who blinks first

coconutchocolatecream · 31/12/2025 03:35

What's the problem with DD's boyfriend? Why is he not wanted while DS's girlfriend is apparently okay? Unless there's some legitimate reason why he's persona non grata, I'd say it's pretty telling that your husband is so dismissive. Is your daughter always lowest in the pecking order where he's concerned? I don't blame her for not wanting to back down, in that case.

When does it ever end? She'll always be the youngest, so will she always be expected to quietly accept the worst accommodations? What about when she has a baby of her own and your step-daughter's child is 5, 10, or 15? What if both of them have babies of roughly the same age?

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2025 05:07

On the face of it I can see how your DSD would be upset. Logically things should be split evenly otherwise resentment will always be there. A bedroom for each ‘child’ (or set of children) from each side of the marriage, especially because the house was a premarital asset. Your ds should have given up the room. Why is it always your dd? She will always be the youngest. Time to get a larger house or extension perhaps?

Subbyhubby · 31/12/2025 05:15

BrightLightTonight · 30/12/2025 19:12

Your son should. DH daughter has a baby, she needs a comfortable bed. That leaves either your daughter or your son.

I know manners these days are out the window, but the son should be gallant and offer to take the blow up bed

I also think the son.
it’s a bit harsh to ask a family with a newborn to sleep in an open plan area and if your daughter feels put out cause she always gives up her bed then should really be your son. If it’s just for 1 night.

Worried8263839 · 31/12/2025 07:21

BoarBrush · 30/12/2025 19:15

You and dh should frankly.

This

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 31/12/2025 07:50

I would say your step daughter with a husband and baby trumps your daughter boyfriend or not- sorry op. Could see no you not have asked her and her boyfriend to do one night at the premier Inn?

AuntyAngela · 31/12/2025 08:00

C152 · 30/12/2025 19:40

I'd expect your DH's oldest daughter to want to sleep near her baby. Is the study downstairs? If the study is upstairs, near the other bedrooms, I can see why she wouldn't want to be on a different floor. Personally, I don't think a mother with a young baby should have to sleep on an air mattress, even though she didn't go about requesting a bedroom the right way. (I also think it was rather silly to suggest she and her husband sleep in a motel but leave the baby overnight with you.)

It seems this particular young mother wants to sleep separately from her (not newborn) baby. Her in a bedroom (upstairs) and her baby in the study downstairs.

So that puts to bed (pun intended) the contentious on here that are (in any form):

  • a 'new mother" needs a bed
  • baby can't be in an airbed
  • mother wants to be near her baby
  • baby needs a room

Has there been any suggestion by her father @FunAquaExpert that he will give up his room and sleep on the airbed or your son could? Or are they also too tall to have to submit to the whims of his daughter? (Also on that, are the beds all notably bigger than the airbed, so the daughter's husband's height could have any weight in that (very MN) argument?)

Lurker85 · 31/12/2025 08:06

It’s irrelevant who needs the bed more. You all had plans set and sleeping arrangements made and she jumped on last minute. Would she expect to turn up at a fully booked hotel and have them turf a guest out to accommodate her because she has a baby?

kiwiane · 31/12/2025 08:15

It’s a power play and your husband should shut it down; if he won’t I’d not go there again if his daughter also has an open invitation. You’re right to stick up for your daughter.