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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the blow up bed?

136 replies

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 18:50

So what are your thoughts on this one.
I live with DH and my 2 children, boy 20, girl 18. DH has daughter,31 married with baby (1). She has never lived with us. DH bought a house in Cornwall before we married. It’s 3 double beds plus a study big enough for single blow up bed or cot. He wanted to be there for Xmas but we settled on Boxing Day with my children staying at home as both have work commitments. Son (and girlfriend) planned to come on 29th and leave 1st. I had come back on 30th for work 31st, pick up my daughter (plus possibly her boyfriend) and be back in time for midnight. We stay until 3rd. My step daughter, husband and baby came over xmas Eve as they chose the day to celebrate with us. Although she has open invitation to Cornwall, She then decided to join us. We of course said yes but said we are short of beds on 31st and explained the plan we had made nearly 2 month previously. She said they would get an Airbnb. 2 days later she asked my daughter to sleep downstairs on a blow up bed. Downstairs is open plan with no doors or door on staircase. My daughter has given up her bed since she was 5 every time my step daughter stayed either at my house or husbands in Cornwall so my daughter said no. My step daughter phoned her dad, screaming that it’s not right and she should have a bed as she has a baby (who would be sleeping in the study) and her husband is 6f1. I argued it was only for one night and it was unfair for my daughter to be woken up during the night and very early in morning as the baby would be up early and she would need the kitchen. The next day my daughter confirmed her boyfriend was coming too, but step daughter then refused to come if she didn’t have a bed. DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come. I had suggested they go to the nearby (20mins) premier inn leaving the baby with us (he has stayed with us overnight before) or they come on 1st instead. Both were refused. I maintained we had already made plans and my step daughter only decided a couple of days ago so she should have the blow up bed. But husband maintains his daughter should have it because she is older and has a baby. So who should be on the blow up bed?

For further context, I came home and my children decided to stay with me and no go. Husband is staying in Cornwall and his daughter is still visiting.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/12/2025 19:47

You and your bloke give up your bed for your guests and take the blow up bed.

m00rfarm · 30/12/2025 19:49

rwalker · 30/12/2025 19:38

You and Dh should

honestly the drama is probably fuelled from past resentment that your children always had there own space and she didn’t to make way for your kids

There was a post which said that from the age of 5, the OP's daughter has had to sleep on the blow up bed.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 30/12/2025 19:50

Normally I’d say person with a baby gets a room 100% but if anyone had a scream up at me they’re getting an air bed.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 30/12/2025 19:51

You’re unreasonable anyways for having a second home in Cornwall 😂

turkeyboots · 30/12/2025 19:52

When I stay with my Dad with not enough beds and step siblings round, DDad sleeps in the garage on a blow up bed, Step mum shared with her daughter. Second one to be pushed out on to a sofa is the youngest male (used to be DBro, now Ds). Mothers of small babies should get a bed, as should the child who always has to give up a room.

Helpwithdivorce · 30/12/2025 19:52

You and your husband should sleep on the blow up bed if you want all your kids to stay in the same place at the same time

Aimtodobetter · 30/12/2025 19:55

This is insane - if the guests already invited down to the house weren't family but friends you would never turn around and say "by the way, DSD now wants to come for the night so we are putting you on the blow up bed" so why would you with your adult family. You just explain to DSD we'd love to have you but the only option available is the blow up bed or there is a hotel down the road.

lazyarse123 · 30/12/2025 19:56

SereneCoralExpert · 30/12/2025 19:33

Step-daughter sounds like a right little Madame spoiled by her dad, your poor daughter! Talk about not being made feel welcome

Completely different to say to the rude one: of course come, we would love to have you, but be aware the bedrooms are busy so the only bed left is a blow-up bed

to saying to the younger one: we arranged for your visit months in advance, but we've decided you're not really welcome, you don't get a bedroom, you can have a blow up bed if you really must come, but it's not your house

which is basically what it all means

I would have stayed away with my children, fair enough it's HIS house , HIS daughter, but then you don't need to be there

I agree with this.

aCatCalledFawkes · 30/12/2025 19:58

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 19:44

To further add, the initial plan was my son and his girlfriend were in one room in a double bed and was my daughter and her boyfriend were in the other double room.
My step daughter was an adult and had a place of her own when me and husband got together, and before my husband bought the house in Cornwall, but she would come over once a week to stay over. My daughter gave up her room and shared with my son so my step daughter wasn’t on the sofa bed downstairs.

I feel like this is a problem you both created. If your H can afford a house in Cornwall as well your other house could you just not of upgraded to a bigger house to accomodate all? This is why there is always backlash to blended families.

You and he should give up your room. You have made promises to your own kids, she is being difficult but also understandably its not ideal sleeping downstairs especially if she has to settle him or they are both tired because babies are just hardwork.

Purplewarrior · 30/12/2025 19:59

Why isn’t H offering to sleep on the airbed?

wordler · 30/12/2025 20:00

If your daughter didn’t have her boyfriend coming then I would say you go in with her, your DH take the blow up bed and DSD gets your and DH’s room.

summervile · 30/12/2025 20:01

Gliblet · 30/12/2025 19:16

The person with repulsive enough manners to ring up and screech like a safari park chimp at feeding time demanding a bed sleeps on the blow up mattress. Or a pile of straw. Whichever you could be bothered to provide, really. Having a baby does not exempt you from behaving decently.

This.

Driftingawaynow · 30/12/2025 20:02

Struggle to believe she was “screaming” down the phone, that’s a very loaded statement

Hollybelle83 · 30/12/2025 20:04

Another vote for you and H on the blow up bed. Best way to make it fair and welcoming for all the guests!

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 30/12/2025 20:05

If people are screaming at each other and then getting in strops and deciding not to go, then this is obviously about more than one night on a blow up bed.

Which by the way I think you and DH should take if everyone else is a guest.

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 30/12/2025 20:06

Ponderingwindow · 30/12/2025 19:10

It’s not safe for the baby to be in a blow up bed.
i also wouldn’t leave my baby with the grandparents while I went to a hotel.

i would however simply take myself and my child to a hotel if there was no proper room available

I think the baby is in a travel cot in the study

Summerbay23 · 30/12/2025 20:07

I’d put the baby in one of the double rooms with its parents. Your DD and her boyfriend can squash in the study on an airbed/nest arrangement. Or make her and her brother draw lots for squashing in study.

ACynicalDad · 30/12/2025 20:08

Beds were ‘booked’ if she wants to stay she needs to fit in.

DuckTales1234 · 30/12/2025 20:09

His DD is a spoiled brat and he keeps feeding it in by accommodating her demands like she’s a queen. Absolutely ridiculous and he’d be an ex-husband soon to me. I’d tell them to duck off and would spend NYE with my children very far away from them and their drama.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/12/2025 20:15

Fittest, most able person takes the blow-up.

It is preposterous to suggest your SD and her baby sleep there!🤯

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2025 20:18

Were I the host, I would take the airbed and give the good beds to my guests.

The only other alternative that I, as host, would consider: first come first served. I have two confirmed guests, they get the other two rooms, the Johnny-come-lately gets the airbed.

ThelastRolo20 · 30/12/2025 20:19

Don't quite get the whole "mum gets a decent bed" thing. I'm in my thirties and have given up my bed for guests and been on a blow up bed in baby's room a few times, so unless there's a post partum back issue I can't see why the air bed is such an issue. It's really no massive hardship. For equality sake I would say the OP and husband go on blow up bed, or as they are last to agree to come then husband's daughter should. Can't really see what all the fuss is about to be honest!

rookiemere · 30/12/2025 20:20

For the sake of family harmony I would have seen if either your DS and his partner or DD fancied a free night in the Premier Inn with breakfast thrown in to sweeten the deal.
I mean no one has really covered themselves in glory here and I can see why both your DD and DSD have taken the stance that they did.

Mix56 · 30/12/2025 20:20

At no point has the son & gf been asked to sleep on airbed….

rookiemere · 30/12/2025 20:23

Actually why can’t the DSD and her DH and baby sleep together in one of the bedrooms and DD has an airbed in the study so doesn’t get woken up.

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