Would you expect them to speak English too?

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Live abroad, huge expat population, majority of people speak English as well as the native language
Dh and I are both British, Dh speaks the native language fluently as works with colleagues who speak no English and has been forced to learn more quickly. I speak the language but not fluently. Dc is fluent as attends the local school.
Dc often has close friends over, today one was over and everyone speaking in the native language (this boy speaks barely any English , but his dad asks my Dc to help him learn English)
Whilst he’s here, Dh has started speaking to dc in the native language and never any English, which admittedly does feel a bit uncomfortable for me all around me all afternoon. I speak a bit of both languages in order to help the other boy learn English too.
Today I just ended up going upstairs

Aibu to think Dh can speak to Dc in English too in our own home or is this my problem?

When in Rome ...

But in your own home?

You have a guest in your house, a child, who doesn’t speak any English. It’s polite to speak the language he understands in front of him. It can only help you get better, too.

But the boy was in your own home so I get why he spoke in the native language while he was there.

Also, your DH and DS have learned because they've been 'thrown in the deep end' so to speak, so it may well help you too eventually.

I would think about why it makes you uncomfortable. I've been in similar living situation and this never bothered me, it's not like they're doing it all the time?

Can you explain more why it bothers you?

Yes, when you choose for that home to be a non-English speaking country.

Yes but his father would like him to pick up English too

I suppose in all honesty, I feel a bit embarrassed and inadequate, it’s a v difficult language to learn and Ive tried so hard. It makes me feel a bit excluded and also a bit sad as I feel my Dc is English and they are losing a lot of their culture in some ways

More immigrants not integrating.

I think the situation would be different if you didn’t speak the native language and weren’t learning. But you are learning and the way to learn is exposure to it. I don’t think your family are BU. But I do understand feeling a bit alienated.

They’re not losing their culture by learning another language whilst living in another country?

It makes sense for them to speak the language they have in common, which you also know a bit of (perhaps the inadequate feelings are something you can look at?).

Well, I’d start working on that set of feelings as well as working far harder on speaking the language more.

A bit of both. It'll obviously get you up to speed with the local language if you can speak it as much as possible. It would give me brain ache though to have to speak in a language I don't think in at home all the time! It will help your dc massively to be bi lingual if you continue to speak English at home. In other words, better for you to speak native at home vs better for your DC to speak English at home!

You’re an immigrant in another country, I don’t really get why you would expect your DC to have more English culture than their adopted one. he’s embracing the choices you made for him.

???

All of that is very understandable. But uncomfortable feelings are a part of life and sometimes there’s no one to blame. You will get better at the local language and there’s lots of actions you and DH can take to ensure your dd grows up understanding British culture so these feelings will probably lessen over time.

It almost feels like Dh does it deliberately though, he could speak a bit of both

I'd be delighted that my child was becoming so comfortable in both languages

They're speaking their shared local language in their home. That's normal.

You can speak English to your kid, it will help his English fluency. But you should work on your fluency in the local language and use it as much as possible.

I think if you are bringing up your DC in a multi cultural setting where you don't speak one of the languages then you're just going to have to get comfortable with this kind of situation. It is going to exclude you to an extent but that is just the way it is until you speak the language enough to understand.
Sorry

No I don’t think so

We are an English speaking household, as in dh and I both speak English at home to Ds. But Ds was born here in second language country, so his friends, and outside life are in second language.

If Ds has local friends over we all speak second language around his friend, I don’t think it’s fair for them to not understand on play date. It’s only a few hours. Same as if we go out with local friends for the day, we speak to
ds in second language if they are in hearing distance

That sounds unlikely. It’s more likely you’re looking for someone to blame to shift your focus away from your own embarrassment.

You seem to be taking this way too personally.

Do you not trust your DH?

I can’t see why you’d have such a problem with this.
DH is just helping to make this kid feel welcome in his home.

There’s a guest over that barely speaks English, yabu.

one of the best ways to learn is immersion, trying to get involved with a guest will massively help you.

My child is completely fluent in English, they’re English after all