Who was being unreasonable?

[ForIcyGreyCat]

This made Christmas a little awkward and I was wondering who you thought was being unreasonable.

My family went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas.

My brother (26) taught our 2 year old niece to say “stinky granny” to our grandmother. Everyone thought it was funny and lightened, including her parents, so it became kind of a running joke while we were there, and all went well until the last day when my dad heard her say it.

He went on a rant and basically said that respect nowadays was lost, and that back in his days, anyone who would have taught a toddler to disrespect an elder would have gotten a smack in the face (talking about my brother), and that it is the result of mothers spoiling their sons and turning their into brats (dig at my mother).

Everyone went silent from there and it was all very awkward.

Am I unreasonable to think there was no need to start anything and that my dad was massively overreacting?

He has a point. I cannot think that anyone would see teaching a child to say this was acceptable.

I agree it’s rude, it’s not a great thing to teach a child really

Well done to your Dad, to nip this unkind behaviour in the bud. Your Granny was smiling through it but like anyone else she wouldn’t have liked being called stinky and the butt of everyone’s joke.

Your niece should be taught to show respect to all. Shame on you all!

… and we spend so long in schools teaching children not to bully, name call or make personal comments - it is beyond belief that an entire family thinks this is funny bar one member whose opinion is correct but would suggest sorting it out with a fist!!

But the context and audience of that is totally different isn’t it?

With respect it’s a bit out of order for you to make judgements about my daughter so I’ll leave it there.

im not a regular commenter on here, if I csn block you, I will

Of course, one’s a group of adults who should know better!

Your dad overreacted but your brother is a disrespectful twit.

I guess the questions that come to me are, was your mum laughing because it was funny, or through awkwardness? Had she at some point said to your dad she didn’t like it, and this was your dad stepping in? To have a toddler say it for a period of time, not just once because she’s put perfume on or something similar, comes across as goading and immature. Tbh I wouldn’t accept it once though

I too am an oldie. Toddlers call everyone stinky. Obviously if an older child did it an singled out any particulat person that would be cruel. My husband has a bald patch and my granddaughter asked had someone stolen his hair. Funny not rude imo.

Yes a toddler may call someone stinky as they’ve heard it on TV or been read it in a book , the correct response to that is ‘don’t call x that again as it’s unkind ’ not laughing at them and encouraging them to do it again .

Ur dad is right and brother a bad example

I agree! ⬆️ Bloody ridiculous thing to do - insulting, childish & disrespectful - granny undoubtedly laughed along because everyone else did & she had no choice. I don't blame your dad for being outraged - that was aimed at his elderly mother, for Christ's sake!

Your father escalated it by overreacting hugely and inappropriately. Your brother was a bit twatish to teach the toddler to say a slightly mean thing to her granny. I wouldn’t like to be called “stinky granny”, I would laugh along and pretend I was fine with it so no one would know - but I wouldn’t enjoy it.

The toddler wouldn't have been calling her stinky without the brother instigating it. And also repeatedly calling one person a name while everyone laughs is just plain rude and not sure what the other adults were thinking encouraging it.
Yes children don't have a filter and may say some home truths but adults usually intervene. In your situation saying that yes granddad doesn't have much hair. If someone kept calling him baldy for the toddler to repeat, then surely it wouldn't be funny anymore. Also if the toddler then saw another bald headed man and shouted baldy at them, I don't think anyone would be finding that funny.

@ForIcyGreyCat I’m sorry that you are confused by so many people thinking you (and your brother) are unreasonable. Some of this is to do with your dripfeed/framing ie you only reveal that your father has a fraught relationship with your brother in later posts.

it may be true that your father is a terrible, abusive man who overreacted wildly. But…

…you are clearly an adult and you were party to name calling of your grandmother who was hosting you all for Christmas because you all thought it was funny?! Whatever happened to respecting your elders, respecting your host, behaving well in other people’s homes? I probably sound really old fashioned to you but these values are why others are disagreeing with you. Something to reflect on?

Why are you making up a complete different story? Pretty sure the TWO year old will not then project this behaviour onto another child (where, nursery?!) - and if this happens, then yes it gets addressed. She does not go to school yet so this will not be happening. Now if this story was involving a 5+ year old, maybe I would see differently.

Glad you are all raising such perfect children by the way, good job. Wish I could be more like you.

Your brother is a prat
no wonder kids have no respect