Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

143 replies

ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:12

This made Christmas a little awkward and I was wondering who you thought was being unreasonable.

My family went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas.

My brother (26) taught our 2 year old niece to say “stinky granny” to our grandmother. Everyone thought it was funny and lightened, including her parents, so it became kind of a running joke while we were there, and all went well until the last day when my dad heard her say it.

He went on a rant and basically said that respect nowadays was lost, and that back in his days, anyone who would have taught a toddler to disrespect an elder would have gotten a smack in the face (talking about my brother), and that it is the result of mothers spoiling their sons and turning their into brats (dig at my mother).

Everyone went silent from there and it was all very awkward.

Am I unreasonable to think there was no need to start anything and that my dad was massively overreacting?

OP posts:
Chestnutmarenutjob · 30/12/2025 18:26

I mean I wouldn’t laugh along and encourage my children to call someone stinky. And I bet granny felt a bit hurt but that she must laugh along so as not to be a party pooper.

so on that basis, Yabu.

Tinsles · 30/12/2025 18:26

Your father did overreact but your brother IS a rude oik.
His behaviour was very disrespectful.
I cannot imagine any of my children that age thinking this was acceptable behaviour towards anyone, much less a grandmother who was kindly hosting.
I would be mortified if I was your parents.

Glitchymn1 · 30/12/2025 18:27

Pathetic on so many levels.
How do you want grandma to react?
What a thing to teach a child.

Do you smell op?

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2025 18:28

Once perhaps funny, but over and over again? Amazed no one told your niece to stop it earlier.

I think your Dad was OTT but perhaps other behaviours had irritated him.or made him.feel people were disrespectful?

Eenameenadeeka · 30/12/2025 18:29

Your Dad was overly aggressive but I agree with his general point, it's disrespectful and I wouldn't have allowed my child to repeat it nor would I have laughed. Interesting he blamed it all on your mother though, assuming he also raised his children.

Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:30

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2025 18:28

Once perhaps funny, but over and over again? Amazed no one told your niece to stop it earlier.

I think your Dad was OTT but perhaps other behaviours had irritated him.or made him.feel people were disrespectful?

No, it was his first day there and the first time he had heard it, it was shortly after he arrived.

but frankly he doesn’t like my brother very much and neither does my brother. They have had a very complicated relationship for the past four years. They refused to even say hello to each other for 3 of these years

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 30/12/2025 18:30

He sounds horrendous, no idea why he would be so stupid.

Hufflemuff · 30/12/2025 18:31

I agree with your Dad to be honest. Very shit behaviour of the adult and the toddler will end up being a right little shit with this kind of direction!

bunnypenny · 30/12/2025 18:31

Can you explain why everyone thought it funny that your niece was calling your grandmother stinky?

BillieWiper · 30/12/2025 18:31

Why would someone teach their child to call their elderly loved one 'stinky'? Unless ageism/ableism.

It's an insult. And obviously sensitive as it's well known that as we get older we get weak bladders. Not that a child knows this but the adults do.

You don't say anything about how anyone smells unless it's to say they smell nice. Basic manners?

SisterTeatime · 30/12/2025 18:32

Your brother was childish and rude, but I assume another adult - including grandma- could and would have stepped in to address it if they chose?

Your dad otoh talking about hitting children in the face is completely unreasonable.

Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:33

SisterTeatime · 30/12/2025 18:32

Your brother was childish and rude, but I assume another adult - including grandma- could and would have stepped in to address it if they chose?

Your dad otoh talking about hitting children in the face is completely unreasonable.

He meant he would hit our brother in the face not our niece

OP posts:
BartholemewTheCat · 30/12/2025 18:33

Is it your DF’s mother? I can see why he might be even more unimpressed under those circumstances. Seems like your niece spent several days taking this piss out of your DGM and everyone lapped it up until your DF kicked off.

Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:34

BartholemewTheCat · 30/12/2025 18:33

Is it your DF’s mother? I can see why he might be even more unimpressed under those circumstances. Seems like your niece spent several days taking this piss out of your DGM and everyone lapped it up until your DF kicked off.

No, it was my mother’s mum

OP posts:
Tigercrane · 30/12/2025 18:34

Could you teach your two year old to call your brother, uncle stinker instead?

nomas · 30/12/2025 18:34

I think your grandparents should ban everyone who laughed, including you, from Christmas at theirs ever again.

What a way to repay elderly grandparents who have hosted you.

Shameful behaviour.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/12/2025 18:36

ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:30

No, it was his first day there and the first time he had heard it, it was shortly after he arrived.

but frankly he doesn’t like my brother very much and neither does my brother. They have had a very complicated relationship for the past four years. They refused to even say hello to each other for 3 of these years

Show quote history

It’s not about whether he likes your brother, it’s a group of adults not stopping a 2 year old child from insulting an older family member.

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/12/2025 18:36

Nice of him to blame his wife for bringing up his son badly.

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2025 18:37

Do you feel this was your Dad using "stinky grandma" as an excuse to launch a verbal attack on your brother?
Sounds tense and eruptive. It's sad really isn't it?

Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:37

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/12/2025 18:36

Nice of him to blame his wife for bringing up his son badly.

He always does that. Blames my mum for us not having hobbies or special talents (couldn’t take extra curricular activities as children because money was tight), for the way we behave, etc..

OP posts:
Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:38

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2025 18:37

Do you feel this was your Dad using "stinky grandma" as an excuse to launch a verbal attack on your brother?
Sounds tense and eruptive. It's sad really isn't it?

It is

OP posts:
JHound · 30/12/2025 18:38

I think your dad is right.
I find that hugely disrespectful and a weird thing for your brother to do.

ConnieHeart · 30/12/2025 18:39

So why doesn't your dad take some responsibility for raising your brother if that's his opinion?

Rileysp · 30/12/2025 18:39

The older gentleman was being unreasonable.

in fact he was being downright nasty.

its a silly joke with a 2 year old

Original poster
ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:40

Rileysp · 30/12/2025 18:39

The older gentleman was being unreasonable.

in fact he was being downright nasty.

its a silly joke with a 2 year old

That’s what I thought, I’m a bit surprised that the vast majority are disagreeing, but lesson learned

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread