Who was being unreasonable?

[ForIcyGreyCat]

This made Christmas a little awkward and I was wondering who you thought was being unreasonable.

My family went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas.

My brother (26) taught our 2 year old niece to say “stinky granny” to our grandmother. Everyone thought it was funny and lightened, including her parents, so it became kind of a running joke while we were there, and all went well until the last day when my dad heard her say it.

He went on a rant and basically said that respect nowadays was lost, and that back in his days, anyone who would have taught a toddler to disrespect an elder would have gotten a smack in the face (talking about my brother), and that it is the result of mothers spoiling their sons and turning their into brats (dig at my mother).

Everyone went silent from there and it was all very awkward.

Am I unreasonable to think there was no need to start anything and that my dad was massively overreacting?

I am an oldie. Honestly there are many reasons why an old person might smell a bit different. It tends to be something we are conscious of. Not at all kind to be going on about stinky granny, and that poor kid has learned something that she really should not have.

The problem here is that it wasn't a stinky mummy, daddy, lou lou. It was intentionally (by the uncle) directed at a single person for multiple days. No one else got a nickname or a turn at in this funny, funny, game.

OP has also acknowledged that this granny is indeed someone who is unlikely to speak up for risk of conflict.

Did your niece's Mother not have anything to say about it?! I wouldn't have liked my child to be encouraged to bully others. Your brother needs to learn that blokey banter and jokes need to stay in the pub. I don't know how old your Dad is but kids wouldn't have got away with that behaviour when he was a kid. Your poor Nan, all that work and effort to be mocked by the entire family. I think you'd better go and apologise to her.

No, her mother didn’t say anything, both her parents thought it was funny and didn’t see harm in it

My parents are in their early fifties and my grandparents in their seventies

It was not said to harm anyone, my grandmother doesn’t smell bad

The reactions on this post are so strange! Of course yanbu. It's just a little cute joke with a 2 year old - no disrespect intended I'm sure. threatening violence is horrible. I completely agree with you OP.

Not sure I agree with calling people names a 'cute joke'. Is this the excuse parents use when their child is bullying another child at school, calling them fat or geeky or whatever terms they might use now. Would you say to the teacher oh sorry they are just having a cute moment and not at all being disrespectful to other children.

So why was it just your poor mum picked on?
every time you engage with the rest of your family call them a funny funny name, and make sure they call you Big Fat Cat! So One brother can be PissFace, the other ShitBreath, and your sil can be ScabbyFace?
its soooo funny!

I sorta don't think your dad overreacted. Thats the woman he loves, raised a family with and grew old with. Disrespect can sometimes be framed as a joke, but the spoilt idiot who started it shouldn't expect everyone to be in on it.
Your brother comes across as gauche clumsey, snd incapable of reading the room. Stand up comic is his weak spot. Best he leaves jokes to cleverer folk.

I agree. All the adults, excluding grandma, in this sad situation are completely in the wrong.

sorry for the confusion, it’s my grandma that niece called stinky, so my dad’s mother in law. My dad blamed my mum (his wife) for the way she raised my brother, for teaching my niece to say that

So your brother was a dick to his grandmother and you all found it funny? Even her own daughter?

I think it's really rude and wouldn't be happy if my sister or brother had done that with my kids, and I'd sooner launch myself into the sun than do similar with theirs.

Sure, I can imagine once or twice Stinky Granny can be cute and funny - but repeatedly? Over the course of several days? Absolutely not.

Your dad clearly overreacted, coloured by his previous bad behaviour, but I'm afraid I think the rest of you were completely out of order. Your poor granny, having to be insulted by her grandson using his niece as a mouthpiece, and then having to witness threats of violence from an unpleasant man.

So much projection here.

I am assuming the grandmother did NOT stink, hence it was a joke. Not fat, not geeky. No one here has tickled their kids feet whilst sniffing and claiming they are cheesy?

State of the replies here. She was 2, she will be taught right from wrong. The way many of you are acting you would think the child will be the next Trump, bullying her way in life.

Unclench ffs

Once or twice for some people this may be funny, but continually saying this over several days is just rude. No one else was given a silly nickname and the brother chose the person least likely to retaliate which says it all.

& this is why society is unraveling - it's not remotely funny, it's disrespectful (your Gran probably didn't want to make a big deal about it to keep the peace)...& the fact your brother thought that was a good idea in the first place...

You know what - dad did overreact, but I think teaching a 2 year old to be rude, then everyone joining in, is a pretty twatty thing to do. And you say your grandmother laughed - well, she had to didn't she, or have everyone thinking she's a boring humourless old bag.

So you’d be happy with your child coming home saying”Timmy said I stink all day today and everyone laughed at me and they all said I stink too and are saying that too and the teachers not doing anything about it “you’d say oh don’t be silly, it’s fun!! Unclench!!

I wonder if she was 😭 inside. I would be. What an awful thing to teach a child.

@ForIcyGreyCatteam dad all the way. What’s horrible way to behave by the brother and all the people that laughed.

unless there is some context missing like she by mistake put loads of perfume on.

if I seen that in the school yard I would be disgusted. All the adults involved in this is borderline unbelievable.

Brother sounds like a bully - encouraging others to pick on and mock one person as a ‘joke’.

I don’t know what is worse, teaching a 2yo to say “stinky granny” on repeat or the rest of you laughing along “so it became kind of a running joke.” So I take it lots of you repeated ‘stinky granny’ or cajoled the child to say it again and again.

Hah hah soooo funny to bully an elderly relative at Christmas. What could be more entertaining. And bad old grumpy grandpa for stopping your fun by snapping at you.

People have been doing this for YEARS! 😂

My dad taught me to say "granny's a bugger" when i was tiny.

Zero reason for anyone to lose their shit or clutch at pearls.

She’s being taught that it’s right to call people stinky for days and laugh about it by her own parents, uncles and aunts.

Saying that people have been nasty to each other for years is not the gotcha you think it is.

Yeah it was a bit of an overreaction from your dad but I think it's rude and stupid for people to teach kids to say mean things that they don't understand. It will get her into trouble one day.