Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

143 replies

ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:12

This made Christmas a little awkward and I was wondering who you thought was being unreasonable.

My family went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas.

My brother (26) taught our 2 year old niece to say “stinky granny” to our grandmother. Everyone thought it was funny and lightened, including her parents, so it became kind of a running joke while we were there, and all went well until the last day when my dad heard her say it.

He went on a rant and basically said that respect nowadays was lost, and that back in his days, anyone who would have taught a toddler to disrespect an elder would have gotten a smack in the face (talking about my brother), and that it is the result of mothers spoiling their sons and turning their into brats (dig at my mother).

Everyone went silent from there and it was all very awkward.

Am I unreasonable to think there was no need to start anything and that my dad was massively overreacting?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/12/2025 18:40

ForIcyGreyCat · 30/12/2025 18:40

That’s what I thought, I’m a bit surprised that the vast majority are disagreeing, but lesson learned

Show quote history

I’m a bit surprised you can’t see that it’s disrespectful

TheMorgenmuffel · 30/12/2025 18:41

Is not respectful and its a bloody bad idea to teach a young child that adults will give them positive attention if they say rude things.

outerspacepotato · 30/12/2025 18:41

Good for your dad.

I disagree with toddlers being taught disrespectful name calling of other people. Asshole move.

stillavid · 30/12/2025 18:41

I just feel so sad for the granny - just such mean behaviour from everyone laughing at this. What a christmas for her.

I mean your dad was a dick but so was everyone else who laughed along - sounds like you all need a year one class about being a bystander as far as bullying /mean behaviour goes.

ConnieHeart · 30/12/2025 18:42

I'm thinking your brother likes to belittle people & make it look like harmless fun by getting a child to do it

somanychristmaslights · 30/12/2025 18:42

There’s nothing worse than when someone goes on and on with a joke. If they’d have called you stinky aunty the whole time, it might have got you down. It’s pathetic really, imagine if she went to nursery calling the staff that. Your dad was OTT, but your brother is a dick.

somanychristmaslights · 30/12/2025 18:42

ConnieHeart · 30/12/2025 18:42

I'm thinking your brother likes to belittle people & make it look like harmless fun by getting a child to do it

Exactly this.

SusanChurchouse · 30/12/2025 18:43

Sounds a bit puerile from your brother. I mean, it’s hardly Wildean wit is it?

Your father sounds like a bit of a misogynist though, blaming a woman for a man’s actions. Neither of them come out well.

Moonnstarz · 30/12/2025 18:43

ConnieHeart · 30/12/2025 18:42

I'm thinking your brother likes to belittle people & make it look like harmless fun by getting a child to do it

Agreed.

I bet the brother is also one of those people who was a bully at school but said it was banter.

tinyspiny · 30/12/2025 18:43

Your dad over reacted but your brother is a fool and honestly another adult should have put a stop to this earlier .

Lightuptheroom · 30/12/2025 18:45

Your dad is right about the rudeness (26 is too old to be teaching a 2 year old to be rude and getting away with it , it's the sort of thing a teenager would do) also shame on all of you for not correcting your brother earlier so that the little girl knew it was rude and not to say it.
Your dad's reaction is OTT but obviously said in anger. Funny enough my mum always blamed my dad for anything we didn't do and called him awful names, so that parental and parent/child dynamic is familiar to me. But your brother is still too old to be teaching a little girl to be rude so they both need to step back from the drama and not let it happen again.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 30/12/2025 18:47

I don’t think it’s kind to a toddler to involve them in this kind of joke.
A very young 2 year old will probably forget all about it. A child who is nearer three will have enjoyed getting a laugh and may well try to get a laugh again by calling someone stinky and could get told off for it at nursery or elsewhere.
I think it’s a joke a the toddler’s expense as well as at granny’s and I think it disrespects both of them and sends a confusing message to a child at the same time that their parents are probably trying to teach them to be kind to other children, share etc.
If a child at nursery started calling your child “stinky”, would you find it funny or would you want it to stop?

Catapultaway · 30/12/2025 18:49

Wow, the fact none of the other adults thought this was rude and disrespectful, including you, shows he may have had a point...

Horrorscope · 30/12/2025 18:58

Pretty horrible to keep calling someone names (and I bet that child will now go round repeating that phrase about and to everyone).

I’m fully on your dad’s side. I hope you didn’t ruin that poor woman’s Christmas!

livelovelough24 · 30/12/2025 18:58

I totally agree with your father. This is not funny at all, and I am sure that your grand mom was really hurt too, just did not want to say anything to spoil the mood.

Eyeshadow · 30/12/2025 18:59

What he said wasn’t wrong.
But the way he said it was.

Its idiotic to teach a child that that’s an appropriate thing to say.
She’ll end up getting told off for it when it’s not her fault.
And poor grandma must have been mortified.

But your dad was OTT and he could have just told him to grow up and not teach kids to be disrespectful.

hyggetyggedotorg · 30/12/2025 19:00

If I was granny, I’d have had the good manners to laugh along too. Doesn’t mean I’d have liked it though!

Your dad is right. It’s totally disrespectful.

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 30/12/2025 19:01

Agree it's rude. Even if granny is OK with it, it's teaching the child it's an OK thing to say and they might say it to others who would not be OK with it.

DedododoDedadada · 30/12/2025 19:04

I think everyone but the 2 year old was being unreasonable

DedododoDedadada · 30/12/2025 19:04

Post entered twice in error

Cushionseams · 30/12/2025 19:06

If I were the gran, I'd probably pretend not to mind if the parents thought it was funny. Is also be very fucked off at the brother and anyone finding it funny days later.
Your dad, or whoever it is cos folk are switching places in this thread, over reacted. A bit.

Booboobagins · 30/12/2025 19:06

Just because grannie laughed doesn't mean it's ok.

Your DBs behaviour is childish.

Your, DF is right.

I don't get why you thi k any of this is OK. We all know saying negative things is incredibly harmful to the recipient.

5128gap · 30/12/2025 19:06

I hate it when adults get laughs from using a young child in this way. I think its a pity your brother is an adult who'd do this, and that none of the rest of you stepped in to tell him he shouldn't treat his neice like a performing seal when she is too young to know any different.
I'd have been as annoyed as your dad. However I'd not have blamed his mother, as I'd know that I was equally responsible for raising him, and I'd not have made a scene. Just calmly explained that this was mistreatment of his neice.

Rileysp · 30/12/2025 19:11

Booboobagins · 30/12/2025 19:06

Just because grannie laughed doesn't mean it's ok.

Your DBs behaviour is childish.

Your, DF is right.

I don't get why you thi k any of this is OK. We all know saying negative things is incredibly harmful to the recipient.

Interesting though you don’t think the father embarrassing his wife and talking about beating up people isn’t ok as well?

because the brother seems the lesser of the evils here. By far

Aussiesgettingsmashed · 30/12/2025 19:12

Your mum should be teaching her granddaughter how to say you’re out of the will uncle nob head.