MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

[Jellyworms]

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

I think sometimes the problem with the surplus is lack of storage space.

And this is why only donate to animals (i buy the food and give to a sanctuary).
i have seen how these food banks and gifts for children are exploited, in my line of work we get food boxes delivered to give to people in need, no one ever wants them as they are usually full of tinned food which is of no help if you live on the streets. Gifts given for children are often sold by the parents as no one checks they actually have contact with their children for whom the gifts are for.
A friends neighbour was quite vocal about how she rarely had to go food shopping as she ‘volunteered’ at the local food bank, not so vocal now my friend reported her and she has been told she is not welcome anymore.
it is sad but the reality is you never know where your donations are going.

One in my area absolutely does. I've never used it but it's run by a church and all they ask is that people turn up and bring a bag - some people find it very hard to go through the process of accessing a food bank and they are trying to remove the stigma attached

Maybe charities shouldn’t actually accept more than they need?
Giving the stuff away to people who don’t actually need it just to get rid is making a bit of a mockery of people who donated with good intentions.

I don’t think you can take the toys off your children at this point. I wouldn’t tell the charity either but instead I would (if you can afford it) send a donation to that particular charity in the new year. How old is your MIL?

I'm actually happy to give the gifts I give in good faith. I do understand your point but the charity I buy for helps 17000 families every year and I would rather take the chance than not donate

The gifts had my childrens names on the piece of paper and age.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I've worked with several charities that have done Christmas gifts for children whose families are in similar circumstances, and in none of them would we have the child's name. If, through some circumstance we did, we would never write it down. The most identifying we would ever get would be age (usually in a range, not specific) and gender.

The OP said she has a well paid job and is mortgage free

That's the same for the charity I buy gifts for. All we are told is the ages of the kids who need presents. I normally buy for teen girls but this year I bought for the 0-6 months age groups - no identifying information

She uses food banks but doesn’t need to? Sorry but that is just despicable. What an awful woman. I would dob her in anonymously. My DH volunteers in our local food bank and the people they support are in dire need. They are proud people and the minute they get back on their feet they stop using it. She is taking away from desperate people who need help. I really couldn’t have anything to do with someone with such low morals. What does your DH think about this?

Well I would ask each kid to choose one thing to keep and say we're giving the rest to the charity it came from.

And at the same time for a bit of a toy and game audit and get the kids involved in donating some of their own unwanted stuff as well. It could be a good way to teach them about charity and donating things.

You don't need to say anything bad about her to the kids.

She sounds like the type that won't take heed of your advice or opinion so I wouldn't even really bother saying much to her about it. It is weird though obviously.

There sounds very much like a community larder, not a food bank. There’s one near me, they encourage all people to go as it is to save food waste, they clearly state it is not just for people struggling with finances

Yes, the child's name plus age would be extraordinarily unusual and extremely unprofessional, in my experience. Make of that what you will.

The charity probably wouldn't accept it back - it's unlikely that they accept second hand gifts. Some toy drives do but charities like this probably won't

There are community larders in my area - but there are also food banks where people can just turn up

I personally think the MIL should be making the donation. She's caused this situation

It's possible but irrelevant.

These projects are for CHILDREN in need, who might not another gift.

Not for Grandparents or other relatives who want the joy of giving to their comfortable grandchildren.

We have relatives who can't afford gifts at Christmas time and we just don't expect gifts. I'd be horrified if my spoilt well-provided for daughter received a gift meant for a child who lived in poverty.

MIL will never make the donation but I do agree- it feels unfair for the OP to feel she has to take on some obligation to right this.

if she or her children don’t want the toys I’d probably just take them to the tip reuse shop or similar. I wouldn’t get myself involved in a job over it.

Do you KNOW without doubt that your mother in law got the presents from a foodbank on the pretext of not being able to afford to buy them rather than having bought them ready wrapped, and thus donating to the charity, as has been suggested by me and other posters?

She took the gifts from the charity - the OP made that clear she didn't donate to the charity

I’ve just re-read all the OP’s posts once again, and she didn’t say that she knows for certain her mother in law took the presents without making a donation - she is making the assumption that she did. I’m not saying that she’s not right, but asking if she is positive that is what happened.

But unless the OP has seen her payslip, she doesn't really know does she? She is assuming.

It's clear the OP doesn't get on well with her MIL for whatever reason.

I also think it's up to the OP DH to speak to his mum to see if she is ok etc She may not be mortgage free. She may not have a pension- or enough credit for state pension- so may have to be working to save for old age. There is a whole load of scenarios that it could be....

That isn't how these charities tend to work - these gifts are supposed to go to people who are very vulnerable. People fleeing violence who have nothing as the OP said herself. The present was handed over to the OP from the charity via the MIL. So the MIL must have told the charity that her daughter was poor and in need of the present.

The MIL didn't buy this gift - someone else did in good faith thinking it would go to someone vulnerable

Some charities do allow you to make cash gifts rather than a present - but you are buying them for a stranger - you wouldn't be buying them for your own family

I used to volunteer at a foodbank. We would deal largely with referrals. However, if someone came to us and said they needed help, we would look to find them something. Once a user is established there is generally limited re-cheking that the need remains. We do not have the resources to do these, or indeed the ability under GDPR. Reading this has made me feel slightly sick.

So many people are pushed right now because of the cost of living crisis. it feels so cruel to me that Op would even think about reporting her MIL. You don't know everything about her circumstances and she is under no obligation to tell you.