MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

[Jellyworms]

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

Sorry this is hugely unlikely given that the gifts were packed by people and had the child's ages on it. They were supposed to go to kids that were very vulnerable

But that's not the way it is for all charities as I said before. Absolutely something has gone wrong here if MIL has been able to access these donations but some schemes like this run very well and the charity ensures that the kids who are in need get the gifts

Maybe the mother in law went to my local charity which, as I’ve said previously on this thread, still had wrapped presents on the counter for sale two days before Christmas, with tags to indicate the suitable age/gender of the children they could be bought for. These were wrapped, new donations, so all the money raised from selling them would go to the charity.

Is your local charity one that supports people who are homeless or fleeing domestic violence?

So basically this charity accepts donations of goods and then sells them on?

The OP said that the goods were around 120 pounds. I would be very surprised at someone who got their grandkids nothing last year - would pay a charity 120 pounds for two presents

The charity I was referring to supports homeless people, although I’ve seen other charities selling wrapped presents at Christmas time in the past. The value of the presents that the OP’s mother in law gave the grandchildren may well have been worth around £120 but I wouldn’t expect a charity to have charged anything like that much. Although I’ve got no idea of the value of the wrapped presents I saw last week, I would very much doubt that they were being sold for anywhere near the original retail price - you wouldn’t usually expect to pay the original price in a charity shop. I think this is a good way for charities to sell some of their excess donations.

as I’ve said previously, not saying the mother in law didn’t obtain the presents in an underhand way, but that there COULD be an explanation, such as the one I and other posters have suggested. If this had been me, I would have asked my mother in law about the presents and to try to find an explanation before starting a thread on an internet forum to berate her. We all know how much Mumsnet loves a good mother in law bashing thread. 🙄🙄

I don't have a mother in law. I'm not married. My views on this subject have nothing to do with the fact that she's someone's mother in law

Maybe she did go to a charity shop to buy these donations - but the fact that there was a card in it saying Merry Christmas from the association really does suggest that these gifts were earmarked for someone very vulnerable.

I personally think there are much better ways to re distribute excess donations - because there are always people in need and this is why the OP reacted as she did. If someone has the money to buy gifts for their own grandkids - surely that's the norm and leave the charity donations for people who really are in need

I personally would be hugely unhappy if I spent money on a gift thinking it was going to someone desperately in need and it then ended up in a family who weren't in need

The OP said that the Mil has money to buy the gifts - she's just tight. I think she knows her better than any of us on here. There's someone out there who has spent a lot of money on two gifts thinking it was going to a family who really needed it - and it went to a family who didn't.

If this was excess and the gifts were to the value of ten or fifteen pounds then it wouldn't be such an issue - but that's not the situation here

There are loads of threads on here berating relatives - nothing exceptional particularly at this time of the year

@Roobarbtwo I’m not specifically referring to you as being a mother in law hater, but hatred of evil mothers in law is a pretty common theme on Mumsnet.

I have donated a huge amount to charities over recent years, and my only concern is that the charities concerned raise money from the items I’ve given or help the people they support directly. If they have received more items than are immediately needed for the people they support, then I don’t care what they do with my items so long as they benefit the charity in some way. I agree that the OP knows her mother in law better than anyone on this forum, but given her concerns about how the presents were acquired, surely it wouldn’t have been unreasonable for her to have asked her about this before slagging her off in public? Of course she might be completely right with her suspicions, but it’s possible she is completely wrong about the way in which she bought the presents or about her financial position. I can remember years ago when my brother and sister in law were visiting from overseas and they assumed that my mum was quite comfortably off - her house was spotless and well maintained, she had a car, and cooked lovely meals for them. We took them out to dinner after they had stayed with mum for a few days and had to explain that she was putting on a show and was really struggling to make ends meet. They were completely shocked and she had tried very hard to hide her financial circumstances.

Thats still not a good use of people's money.

Say someone went out a purchased those items for £50 the charity got them free but sold them for £25.
It would have been better for the donator to have donated cash. Which also means the charity can claim vat back to.

That's fair enough but as I said previously the charity I buy for matches my gift to kids who are in need and it's important to me because I live below the line too and I want my gift to go to a child who would have nothing otherwise - and that is the reality for kids in the area I live in.

Re the Mil on this thread. Hopefully the OP will come back and update. But someone in full time employment with 3 adults living in the house and a mortgage paid off really should not be struggling - unless there's other issues the OP doesn't know about.

My mum is in her 70s and her mortgage is paid off. She lives on a state pension and a works pension. She's not rich but she manages

I do understand what poverty is and I understand that people of all ages struggle - I struggle myself. But the impression the OP gave was that she isn't.

And if she is - surely the 3 adults living with the Mil could have alerted the OP and her husband that this is a financial crisis - not someone being mean

No it's not. Plus there are always kids and families in need of donated presents. Selling off excess presents at a discount when someone has gone to the trouble of buying them thinking someone in need would get them might put them off buying again.

That would piss me off too, and she'd be getting a 'happy birthday' text from me, at most.

I do get a little concerned when threads like this start going down the "I'll never donate again route". If you're worried about the charity you are donating to then still donate but to one that is known to be rigorous. Somewhere like Trussell Trust will only give on referral (other than a small emergency parcel if someone says they need help whilst we sort a referral out). So donate cash to them or food/toiletries etc via the bins in supermarkets. Your donation is very much needed (Trussell volunteer) and will not go to someone who doesn't need it. YOu don't even need to donate stuff bought at that supermarket - if you've got unwanted Christmas toiletries/hamper items take them with you to your next shop and pop them in the collection box.

The same with toy collections - give your toys to the schemes run by big companies like Tesco - they will do their due diligence on how they are distributed.

What the fuck are you on about?

I would want to start with your DH who doesn't sound interested. He is the one who should be confronting her, NOT YOU. He should be investigating and dealing with the charity.

If yours is a Trussell Trust Foodbank, you need to be referred

Hadn't realised in done areas you can just walk into a good bank without referral, I dint think that should be allowed as people give food to help the needy but the greedy can help themselves, that shouldn't be allowed to happen in my opinion.

I've got a friend that owns 3 houses and rents 2 out, she's got a good job plus claims her pension. Pleads poverty, eats mainly what she gets from Olio or is given, then goes on holiday 4 times a year. I've given her food many times to "help her out" then realised she's got more money than I will ever have, she will even eat well out of date food. But that's how some people are, if they can get it for free why pay. I've stopped giving her anything now, but doubt she will ever change her ways.

This is so awful....Can't help it, Im invested now, please share what you find out about how she got them.