MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

[Jellyworms]

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

I wondered why she went to the food banks

Calling my response way off the charts seems at odds with the first part of your comment. Are you always this tactless?

How do you know shes really not poor and just hiding it…I can’t understand how people treat their own blood like this I have a stepmother who does similar things to my DC at this time of the year

I can tell something is amiss with you. I'll leave you to reflect and do what your need to do.

Her mortgage is paid off. She has a full time job - what has the OP done wrong here exactly?

Why the need to announce your departure? It’s not an airport!

I think you and your DH should talk with your MIL and make it clear you're embarassed by what she did. Whatever the outcome, yes, try and make it up with the organisation.

I've read your posts but not the replies so apologies if I'm repeating others.

I would:

Dob her in by name and description to the homeless association and food bank- there is always a limited supply in order of neediness so other families will have missed out because of your MIL.

Make a donation to the homeless association for the gifts-you can't really take them off your kids as it's not their fault their granny is a tightwad. Whatever you think you can afford would be fair as it's also not your fault you're in this situation. This is preferable to giving the gifts back as after Christmas they aren't really that useful but money will be.

Get your DH to have a word with his mum about taking things from those who really can't afford it- let him know that everything she takes is taking something away from someone who really needs it. Maybe he can check that the adults at her home are paying her board so she isn't running short of cash.

I personally think the MIL should make the donation tbh - she caused this

What a vile person!
I think it’s unlikely she got these gifts thru donating or other legitimate means, give the ages are on the gifts, plus her past stinginess.
my ex MIL is similarly tight, she uses a food scheme that is for retired NHS staff (and potentially current staff too) where they get discounted food from places like Waitroise and M &S.
Open to all apparently which makes me sick as she’s loaded and she takes my equally loaded Ex sil too.

Well yeah but I think that ship has long since sailed.

It is as knew someone who had food delivered to her but spent a fortune on alcohol, whilst living mortgage free. She had more disposable cash than we did and my husband earned then really well.

It's not up to the OP to put a stop to her MIL going to foodbanks - why don't the 3 adults living in her house say something?

It's up to anyone who knows that the system is being abused

The people living with her should be the people to speak out in my view but as I said more than once on this thread - some foodbanks don't require referrals and if they don't you can't stop someone from accessing it

That would make me feel quite sick.

Why is she also going to food banks?

She should be ashamed of taking advantage and depriving others of services that are there to support those in genuine need.

Agree with reporting her and she should start giving back to these services not taking,

This clearly isn't true is it... She's working and has 3 adult kids at home who are presumably giving her keep..
Of course she can afford it...

There are scammers everywhere!

I came across a working adult recently boasting how she goes to a food bank purposely bursts into tears as they then give her double...

She's a vile manipulative woman

Sadly it's really dissuaded me from continuing to donate... If the criteria are so loose she can get away with this sort of behaviour....

I think the criteria for many of the Christmas gift things are very loose, online inc MN I've come across an entire Mother n Todder group being given gifts, the Mum was horrified she was given a big fire engine with about 5 packs of spare batteries. Clearly targeted at a under privileged family.

An entire class on a just giving tree just before Christmas and there were other dubious comments on the same thread. Coupled with comments about charities having more stuff than they need.

I'd confront her. If she starts fobbing you off, tell the charity. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. But definitely confront first.

I find it more off putting that you think every person going to a food bank needs a background check.

I really don’t like this thread. Op just jumps to conclusions. Like a lot of people on MN she would rather see the bad in people than the good. MIL might not have bought presents last year because she couldn’t afford it. This year she may have found a way to do it by purchasing from a charity. Others have explained how such gifts could legitimately carry the labels found by OP’s child. But no Op doesn’t hear that because she is hellbent on casting mil as the villain.

What a disgusting human she is. Please return the items and report her to the charities she’s robbing.

The thread moved on to how her MIL also claims food from a food bank when she is clearly not in need of food.
I don't see any way that someone who doesn't need food can come off looking well by taking food meant for others.