MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

[Jellyworms]

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

And those are exactly the labels that my local charity shop had on their wrapped Christmas presents they were sitting on the counter to be sold. I’m not saying that the OP’s mother in law hasn’t behaved badly, but it’s also entirely possible that she bought the presents legitimately and in doing so was supporting the foodbank.

we are in a big city in the Uk

Yes it is, you can just turn up to our local one on certain days of the week- no refferal needed!

Could she have bought the gifts herself but just used one of their tags?

Exactly this. I hope you’re ok now?

@GAJLY you will never donate anything again? In your eyes people need to be starving and crawling to collect their charity ?
The deserving poor comes to mind.

nobody can judge this woman based on the op’s opinion - there’s three sides to every story, her version, mil’s version and the truth.
this woman has been hung, drawn and quartered on the basis of one person’s possibly embellished story for clicks or at the very least an emotive tale skewed in favour of the op’s version. Everyone has jumped on her narrative and ran with it, talking about reporting her.
I used Foodbanks and other charities during a time of dire need.
it was an horrendous time, terrifying, humiliating and devastating.
I was working. None of my friends or family would have guessed things had got that bad (through no fault of my own).

I looked good and still dressed well, my clothes didn’t suddenly turn into generic rags when things went wrong.
i kept myself to myself so nobody knew how much I was bearing.
years later when I was able to tell people, everyone was shocked and horrified and told me to come to them next time.

sometimes our pride can get the better of us and many Foodbank users are utterly ashamed when they get there and most never thought they would reach this rock bottom.

to say you will never donate again in the basis of one story is a sad overreaction.

Just to clarify; the gvt does NOT run foodbanks. They are charitable organisations of one kind or another, often run by Churches or other Community groups some aligned to the Trussel Trust.
It is weird enough that some me.bers of the population of the 6th richest country in the world are reduced to using foodbanks it would be even weirder if the gvt were running fairbanks, rather than ensuring that people have enough money to live on.

You can't really police where charitable donations go and I am sure there were enough presents to for the genuinely needy children. There is no point going into battle with your MIL. Just support your DH as he deals with her. She'll probably get worse as she gets older.

I wouldn’t invite her over next Christmas.
Just maybe if she has a good explanation as to why she deprived children in need of presents.
what a nightmare. She has to be confronted

Excellent point, well worth stressing. Foodbanks came in when the government decided it was better for vulnerable people to be assisted by charities (so, basically, if better off people felt like being kind) rather than by the state using money from the public purse, where the meeting of essential needs was guaranteed.
They took off at the point the government made cuts to benefits, particularly, introducing UC with its waiting periods and payment gaps. The government were quite open about the role they wanted the third sector to take in a system where they reduced the amount of 'tax payers money' allocated to poorer people. All very Victorian.

I think you should discuss it with your MIL there's a good chance the charity had excess and she was either given them with them knowing she wasn't in dire need and/or she gave a donation for them. People don't realise how small scale charities often are, they tend to be overwhelmed by donations at Christmas and just need to get them handed out to anyone. My DM worked at a children's hospital when I was young and she'd bring home piles of toys and chocolates at Christmas that people had donated for the sick children but there were not that many children in as inpatients over Christmas and there were far too many things donated. If the staff didn't take them home would have just gone in the bin as they didn't have the storage space.

Not detracting from the gift situation (which is really shameful,behaviour from MIL) but are you sure it’s not a community larder rather than a food bank? We have these locally and they’re open to anyone, to prevent food waste

As I've already said, it sounds like she's using a community fridge/pantry rather than what people often refer to as a 'foodbank' You don't need to be on the bones of your backside to use them. They're there to prevent excess food going to landfill.
I'd suggest your DH has a conversation with his mum as to where the gifts came from, there's no need for all the 'she's got plenty of money' etc. There is likely to be a very simple explanation (not that you'll like it!) For those shouting that they are never giving to charity again, based on one version of events where the OP doesn't know how it occurred, that's ridiculous. People receiving these gifts don't need to prove they are 'worthy' in the normal scheme of things these giving initiatives cover all sorts of circumstances. I've had Christmases where I had no money at all, it all went on bills. You cant pay rent with a toy donation. More recently my washing machine blew up. We were referred by a friend who knows that once the bills are paid each month we have nothing left, a small charity bought us a washing machine. We have a nice house, a car, I work full time. So does that mean I should refuse assistance? Cost of living means that people don't 'have' money left over.
The other 'issue' you have is that she's asking for gifts without reciprocating, that's a conversation for future. My family stopped doing gifts for anything other than small children years ago. My mum and dad never did gifting, they didn't want to, to the extent that when my dad died we discovered he intentionally kept his savings below the level required to receive housing benefit as he'd decided it was his 'due' its life. You don't have to accept other people's ways of giving at Christmas, but it's easily resolved rather than making assumptions

I donated a lot of expensive Lego to a charity toy drive this year. I am know concerned it won’t go to a family in need

Yep my son is severely disabled and goes to a special school and there arec loads of charities that give to the school wether the kids need it or not ,
I saw an advert on one of the charity pages a few days before xmas saying they had loads of children's toys to give away and to.please contact them if you needed or wanted some.

i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

The apple doesnt fall far from the tree does it

Excellent post👏 It started when David Cameron announced his “Big Society” & shifted responsibility towards charities rather than the government lots of people have forgotten this.

Miserliness is the worst form of greed. What your MIL did is utterly despicable and I would be telling her so.

I think this thread really demonstrates the worst of charity giving. Your MIL accepting charity she doesn’t need because she can; posters demanding you report her to the charity like they have any powers or ability to punish; other posters now deciding they’ll never donate as if they should be able to control the outcomes of their donations.

this is why I don’t think charities should exist.

She must be lying if she is getting food from the food bank. I volunteer for a Trussell trust food bank. Every client has a record on the computer. They will have been asked a lot of personal details. If she regularly calls to request a food parcel she will have had even more questions asked.
I am very, very surprised she is getting away with this.

Am wondering if she actually accesses a food club not a food bank. People often mixes these up.

Food bank are usually referrals only and have a limit how many times a year you can access.

Food clubs tend to be community based where you sign up as a member and pay a small amount such as £4 each time you attend for a bag or two of shopping. Some of these clubs sometimes sell additional items as well for a small amount. They may also give gifts to children for free or a small donation such as at Christmas.

Food clubs aren’t always restricted to people on benefits/set incomes either as the items on offer are either pass use by date or surplus stock. It’s a way of reducing food waste.

Yes this. Unfortunately parents and even charity volunteers have been known to sell children's donated presents at the pub, generally to obtain a drug fix. It puts people off donating. Does the charity provide hours for people on community work sentences. This can be another way donations get pilfered.

She needs outing to the charity and also to the food banks ! She is a greedy weasel, and people should know. Those poor genuine families in need, what a vile women she is. Shame her she deserves it !

That's bonkers! How much food is 'wasted' on those who could afford to buy it?

That cannot be one run by a charity. Registered charities have to account for where their food goes. Are you sure this is a food back for those in need and not a food hub/larder run by volunteers to save food going to landfill?

Good point. Some children don't leave home because they have it so good. Also ML could have a secret gambling problem or something.