MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

[Jellyworms]

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

What a massive overreaction! Destroy her? Are you okay.

She should be ashamed of herself! And your DH sounds like a wet lettuce who won’t bring his mother to account for her awful behaviour. Return the toys and make them aware of what a chancer she is. I’d be tempted to tell the food bank she is taking them for a ride too.

Are you sure it's not a community larder rather than a food bank?

Hopefully OP saw where it was from and they didn't get as far as actually opening the packets? Though understandably most kids would just dive right in.

I get them not wanting second hand as it could be damaged to the point it could injure someone without you knowing.

I think the 'community larder' has become the new 'cancel the cheque' 😬😁

It's not a community pantry - it doesn't advertise itself as that. Not all food banks require referrals

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour on your MIL behalf. Unless someone properly pulls her up on her behaviour, this will continue forever more.
She is literally stealing from families that can't even afford to feed their children.
Public naming and shaming is what she needs so the locals know what absolutely scummy thing she's doing!

Same
Danger of lots in genuine need missing out

They don't, but they tend to be smaller, localised ones ie where you'd think OP's mother would be recognised after multiple visits. Or maybe she identifies ones which don't need referrals and drives around.
Whoever is running the 'no questions asked' ones need to know that some morally bankrupt people are using them. They may question why they are giving up their own time to volunteer.

Personally I think the OP needs to have words with the Mil and the charity - the charity so they can tighten up their procedures so that this doesn't happen again

There are none like that in my town. I volunteer at a Trussel Trust foodbank and often direct users to other places where they can get free or cheap food including hot meals. There are no foodbanks in the area that are called Foodbanks where you don't need a referral. There is a Community Pantry where you do need a referral and there are some places that distribute food to anyone to avoid food waste.

Of course there are always going to be people who take when they don't need to. I don't use food banks - even when I was a lot worse off than I am now. I use a community pantry and I don't abuse it. Some people do. Our community pantry used to have a table outside where people could take the donated food

That stopped when one man more or less took the entire table one day and left nothing for anyone else and then the food was brought inside and rationed

Totally- but the one OPs MIL used isn’t is it?

Op might be confusing a pantry with a food bank. Sounds like she hates her MIL.

We don't know how the Mil managed to access these gifts. I would be interested to know

Do you think it's OK that the Mil took 120 pounds worth of gifts meant for someone fleeing domestic violence and gave them to her DIL who isn't?

I used to help with a gift drive for mothers and kids in DV shelters. We always asked for gifts to be unwrapped, as we needed to check there were no inappropriate items ie toy guns, nor verboten items like candles. Also to check that the items were new/not used (as sadly people did pass off old tat).

We then had a jolly wrapping session before getting the gifts to the shelter. They weren't tagged as coming from our group; I think the shelter staff just acted as Santa.

You and I don't know that. Neither does Op.

I think it is highly unlikely that a charity gave "two big bags" of presents, each present with a value of £60, to one woman. I am guessing that she isn't young enough to be able to lie that they were for her own children aged 2 and 4.

How else did a grandmother manage to get £120 worth of gifts for children in need if not from a charity which isn’t professional or well run?

Rather than posts arguing whether it is a foodbank or community pantry, all run differently and not all needing referrals, but clogging up the thread, it would be good if the OP updates what her DH has said/done if anything

I would contact the charity and just express concern at how your DC came to end up with what they did so it doesn't happen again. It's totally on them if they were just handed over in good faith rather than research.

And I would get your DH to gently probe that MIL isn't having a hard time financially just to be on the safe side. Maybe ask the other people in the house though? Just as a safety net. Then if she isn't, I'd read her the riot act and tell her she's never to do this again, she's put you in a horrid situation.

Well how did the DIL open the presents and have a card in them saying that they were from said charity if this wasn't the case.

There are some people who donate hundreds of pounds worth for one present to the charity I donate to. They buy bits and pieces all year - because they know the situation the families are in

I don't spend hundreds but I give as much as I can and if any bags do need extra donations the charity has that covered too

I'm a bit skeptical that changing the ages of the children in this scenario would prevent someone from identifying the OP.

Hmmm... that happened in my family, except the children were 3 and 8, so this couldn't possibly be someone I know... What a huge coincidence!

I think MamsKnit might be hinting that OP's account isn't entirely accurate.