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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

343 replies

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 22:56

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 17:43

KilkennyCats · 29/12/2025 17:36

But op is not, and her kids did not need these gifts because they weren’t going to get anything else, which is the whole purpose of the exercise.
The intention certainly isn’t for people who can't afford to give gifts to have the cost taken care of, when the recipient isn’t in actual need.

Show quote history

Exactly. The gifts I give are literally for people who would have nothing otherwise. Zero. Its completely heartbreaking too when you see the lists of kids in need. This year I bought four babies a sleepsuit. Socks and bootees and I still felt bad that I didn't give enough

The purpose of this isn't to allow people who are struggling to make a donation to give their grandkids gifts cheap - it's for people who have zero

I have also in the past given to toy drives where people don't have much - if the OPs Mil was struggling there are other places that she could get free toys that are open to anyone - she should not be taking gifts from people who have nothing else

OldScribbler · 29/12/2025 17:57

Is she a tad senile?

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 17:59

OldScribbler · 29/12/2025 17:57

Is she a tad senile?

Some people are mean without being senile

rainbowunicorn22 · 29/12/2025 17:59

does she need to go to food banks? it bugs me in our town, there are some who go regularly and definitely do not need to. As for the toys that is awful not right at all

3boysmom · 29/12/2025 18:00

I would tell the charity and ask them if they can make sure she's banned from using food banks. I'd also contact the local food banks and tell them. What a horrible human.

Iamgettingolderandgrumpier · 29/12/2025 18:03

boogietrapps · 28/12/2025 23:13

That’s absolutely disgusting, I can’t understand why anyone would think that this is okay. Definitely let the charity know and give back the gifts/donate if you can. I’d explain it as best you can to DH, he needs to deal with this, but honestly I’d cut all contact with my MIL if she did this.

Totally agree but I’d tell her myself that I don’t want anything to do with her. Nor do my children ever want presents off her again. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour. What a dreadful woman!

Speckly · 29/12/2025 18:06

Does your DH really think this isn’t a big deal or does he just not want to deal with it? He really needs to consider the impact of what his mother has done and how the people who kindly donated these gifts would feel!!! It’s despicable at best and probably fraud at worst. He’s ok with that is he?

Clareypoos · 29/12/2025 18:07

I would get your husband to ask her where the gifts came from and why it had this ticket inside. Why is it down to you? It’s his mum, get him to speak to her.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:08

3boysmom · 29/12/2025 18:00

I would tell the charity and ask them if they can make sure she's banned from using food banks. I'd also contact the local food banks and tell them. What a horrible human.

The charity probably will have no control over whether she uses food banks in her area. It's people on here who seem to think she accessed the toys because she uses food banks. I'm not so sure

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:09

Speckly · 29/12/2025 18:06

Does your DH really think this isn’t a big deal or does he just not want to deal with it? He really needs to consider the impact of what his mother has done and how the people who kindly donated these gifts would feel!!! It’s despicable at best and probably fraud at worst. He’s ok with that is he?

I wonder whether there are bigger issues at play re the mum but no. The husband just brushing it off isn't good

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:10

rainbowunicorn22 · 29/12/2025 17:59

does she need to go to food banks? it bugs me in our town, there are some who go regularly and definitely do not need to. As for the toys that is awful not right at all

Probably not by the sounds of it

boogietrapps · 29/12/2025 18:12

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 29/12/2025 14:00

If @Jellyworms's DH doesn't understand what the problem is, then maybe it is not at all surprising that his Mother doesn't either? I would be much more annoyed and upset with my DH, if he didn't understand just how
unacceptable it was for his DM to do that.

So I don't understand why you @boogietrapps would cut all contact with his DM if you were the OP, but not also leave your DH? I could never have lived with.- or in fact, loved a partner, if he thought there was nothing wrong with fox hunting (or any hunting, or culling), and I would fall out of love very quickly if he, like the OP's DH, couldn't understand why what his own DM did, was so wrong!

Show quote history

Sorry if I’m being dense but where was it mentioned that her DH thought there was nothing wrong with fox hunting (I’ve only read up to my post). I would also seriously consider leaving my DH if he couldn’t understand what MIL did wrong but as far as I understood, it seemed like DH wasn’t 100% aware of what actually happened.

Dancingspleen1 · 29/12/2025 18:24

Feeling abit bored Jellyworms? Fair play - this one seems a bit more successful than your others.

HereWeGo1234 · 29/12/2025 18:34

Appalling behaviour. Another tight arse person. I would call her out, it’s the only way to try and put a stop to it. By doing this had she deprived other needy children of gifts? I would try to return them and tell her you and DH have made a donation to the charity.

catlover123456789 · 29/12/2025 18:35

This is appalling. I've read some genuinely batshit things on this site but I think this wins the prize. I expect the children are attached to the toys so you can't give them back, but perhaps make a donation to a charity to somehow counter balance the absolutely disgraceful behaviour of your mil. I'm not sure I'd ever want to see her again!

Cat1504 · 29/12/2025 18:36

TattiePants · 29/12/2025 01:08

If you have sufficient storage then keep the gifts for birthdays throughout the year or to give you a head start next Christmas. If not, then I’d highly recommend donating them to The Little Green Sock Project which is a baby bank based in Urmston, Manchester that support children throughout the year.

Show quote history

we have a brilliant baby bank here too too 💕 ….we managed to deliver the rest today to other families ….so all good.
thanks for your post though 😊

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:38

HereWeGo1234 · 29/12/2025 18:34

Appalling behaviour. Another tight arse person. I would call her out, it’s the only way to try and put a stop to it. By doing this had she deprived other needy children of gifts? I would try to return them and tell her you and DH have made a donation to the charity.

Returning them won't help. Most charities don't accept second hand toys

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:38

catlover123456789 · 29/12/2025 18:35

This is appalling. I've read some genuinely batshit things on this site but I think this wins the prize. I expect the children are attached to the toys so you can't give them back, but perhaps make a donation to a charity to somehow counter balance the absolutely disgraceful behaviour of your mil. I'm not sure I'd ever want to see her again!

I think the Mil should be giving the donation tbh

Festivespirit85 · 29/12/2025 18:43

Jellyworms · 29/12/2025 00:45

Because im sick of her behaviour and constantly asking for things yet giving my children nothing. Christmas is not about giving to recieve but when she sends us a list of things she wants for her birthday in the family group chat but cannot spend even £5 on my children no absoloutley not gifting her anything

Show quote history

I would be exactly the same!

oldmoaner · 29/12/2025 18:53

I thought for food banks you had to be referred and have no money or food. A good pantry where you pay a set fee is different and most people can join those.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:55

oldmoaner · 29/12/2025 18:53

I thought for food banks you had to be referred and have no money or food. A good pantry where you pay a set fee is different and most people can join those.

Not in every town. Some food banks allow walk ins

Ladyingreen999 · 29/12/2025 19:10

A friend of mine knows someone who goes to food banks and meals for the homeless (which are apparently provided by local restaurants so are really good!) despite not being homeless and not struggling financially. So I can believe that these things happen, they probably don't check in detail as most people would be mortified to use these services unless desperate. Sad as it puts people off donating.

RolexHoarder · 29/12/2025 19:51

Bloody hell OP, I'm shocked someone would do this. That is so awful to take from those in need. From this story alone I am going to say some sort of MH issue regarding money. I personally would be having it out with her face to face in front of family, shame is the name of the game!

Sisterlove · 29/12/2025 19:58

Beezz · 29/12/2025 13:37

I think it’s blatantly obvious I am not!

Show quote history

I can see your definitely not okay to have said what you did. Take it easy and try and get some help/support, as your response is way off the charts.

Snugglemonkey · 29/12/2025 20:43

Marble10 · 29/12/2025 00:09

At this time of year, they are overflowing with donations of gifts, likely they had actually encouraged your MIL to do this. One of our local DV charities collected 2000 gift bags from 1 local company alone, I highly doubt there are 2000 individuals who are fleeing DV in our city. I wonder what they do with the items they haven’t gifted on, as they are all wrapped for Christmas particularly.

I went to a charity fundraiser before chrustmas and there was an auction for gift bundles. I bought one worth around £100 for £150. Might she have done something like that?

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