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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

343 replies

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 22:56

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 28/12/2025 23:04

I would tell the charity.

And give the gifts back or give something else if your DC are too attached to the presents.

HardworkSendHelp · 28/12/2025 23:08

You do nothing!! That is awful OP. Your husband needs to have a chat with her. She needs to make a donation to the charity or the gifts will be returned to them.My parents late 70’s can be a bit what can we get for free, they can be bad but honestly wouldn’t go that low.

Could there be some other explanation- they were not needed and she gave a donation to the charity to get them!

Original poster
Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:09

NuffSaidSam · 28/12/2025 23:04

I would tell the charity.

And give the gifts back or give something else if your DC are too attached to the presents.

I really think ill do this. Was so close to messaging them when i found their instagram profile. My children have plenty and are not in any hardship, MIL on the other hand, just absoloutley shameful.

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 28/12/2025 23:10

How did she manage to steal them?!

NormasArse · 28/12/2025 23:10

Do you think she understands what she’s done?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 28/12/2025 23:11

How did she even get hold of them?

Daaaaahling · 28/12/2025 23:11

First of all I would contact the charity to explore whether it is possible that for instance, MIL purchased the gifts from them / gave a donation in exchange for the gifts.

If she has obtained them fraudulently, then I would let the charity know this, and if you are able to afford it, I would then make a donation for the approximate value of the gifts.

I would then have to explain to MIL what you have done, that you find her actions extremely upsetting and that you've been left out of pocket. Then leave the ball in her court. But if she actually is the kind of person to defraud a homeless charity, I wouldn't expect much.

Hopefully though she has obtained the gifts legitimately and I definitely wouldn't accuse her until I'd made sure that wasn't the case.

Also the situation is a little different if your MIL is genuinely impoverished herself and this was potentially the only means for her to give something lovely to her grandchildren.

Original poster
Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:11

she goes to food banks regularly, probably heard about this charity through someone there and told them she has children/grandchildren who are in need or come up with some story no doubt. The gifts had my childrens names on the piece of paper and age.

OP posts:
boogietrapps · 28/12/2025 23:13

That’s absolutely disgusting, I can’t understand why anyone would think that this is okay. Definitely let the charity know and give back the gifts/donate if you can. I’d explain it as best you can to DH, he needs to deal with this, but honestly I’d cut all contact with my MIL if she did this.

WillowIvy · 28/12/2025 23:13

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:11

she goes to food banks regularly, probably heard about this charity through someone there and told them she has children/grandchildren who are in need or come up with some story no doubt. The gifts had my childrens names on the piece of paper and age.

I’m asking this gently, why does she need to use a foodbank? Can she not afford gifts for your children?

Edited to add, you say in your OP that you never gave your MIL a gift which I find strange. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the full situation though! Food banks normally need referrals made unless you’re talking about a community pantry which anyone can use.

HardworkSendHelp · 28/12/2025 23:13

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:09

I really think ill do this. Was so close to messaging them when i found their instagram profile. My children have plenty and are not in any hardship, MIL on the other hand, just absoloutley shameful.

Show quote history

OP I would make your husband investigate further, she does sound bad but there could be an explanation. I would want to be 💯 sure of all facts before anyone throws a grenade at this.

Denim4ever · 28/12/2025 23:14

It's kind of bewildering that she hasn't re wrapped the gifts. Like there's something a bit wrong mental health wise.

Original poster
Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:15

WillowIvy · 28/12/2025 23:13

I’m asking this gently, why does she need to use a foodbank? Can she not afford gifts for your children?

Edited to add, you say in your OP that you never gave your MIL a gift which I find strange. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the full situation though! Food banks normally need referrals made unless you’re talking about a community pantry which anyone can use.

Edited
Show quote history

She genuinley CAN afford gifts, has a well paid job and no mortgage plus 3 adult working children living at home! Just tight and doesnt want to spend a penny!

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 28/12/2025 23:15

If she's using food banks, it isn't unlikely that she's been approached about this scheme and asked if she has grandchildren. It may not have been her initiative I mean.

ETA - following you last post, HOW is she able to access food banks if she's well off and earning?!

HardworkSendHelp · 28/12/2025 23:16

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:11

she goes to food banks regularly, probably heard about this charity through someone there and told them she has children/grandchildren who are in need or come up with some story no doubt. The gifts had my childrens names on the piece of paper and age.

Omg - throw the grenade she is awful

fatphalange · 28/12/2025 23:16

Well done on managing to hide your disgust and outrage, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to. I would ask her how she’d come by these presents that other people had kindly donated and if she’s fully aware they have been stolen out of the hands of the genuinely needy. To give her the benefit of the doubt, there’s a chance the packages had already been taken and offered for sale at a cheap price by some other low life. Either way my questioning of her would make her aware you are fully apprised of what she has done.
Yes to contacting the charity directly as well. If they’ve been deceived by MIL they deserve to know and if there was a theft they can pass on information to the police about where the stolen goods ended up and thanks to who and this might end in the original thief being apprehended.

jpclarke · 28/12/2025 23:16

Maybe she doesn’t have the means to buy for your children but didn’t want to disappoint her grandchildren. If she uses food banks she might not be in a good place and might need support.

IPM · 28/12/2025 23:18

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 22:56

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!)

That's not all it is.

"We give our neighbours in need a helping hand through our foodbank, food club, debt and welfare advice and homeless support."

So if she's using the foodbank, she's also entitled to ask for help with presents.

I'm not saying she should, but she will fit the criteria.

fatphalange · 28/12/2025 23:18

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:11

she goes to food banks regularly, probably heard about this charity through someone there and told them she has children/grandchildren who are in need or come up with some story no doubt. The gifts had my childrens names on the piece of paper and age.

If this is true, she’s a con woman. Food banks require referrals from professionals. You can’t just rock up and say you are in dire straights and need their help.

WillowIvy · 28/12/2025 23:19

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:15

She genuinley CAN afford gifts, has a well paid job and no mortgage plus 3 adult working children living at home! Just tight and doesnt want to spend a penny!

Show quote history

In that case you need to let the charity know. Thats disgraceful.

FlamingoFloss · 28/12/2025 23:19

Daaaaahling · 28/12/2025 23:11

First of all I would contact the charity to explore whether it is possible that for instance, MIL purchased the gifts from them / gave a donation in exchange for the gifts.

If she has obtained them fraudulently, then I would let the charity know this, and if you are able to afford it, I would then make a donation for the approximate value of the gifts.

I would then have to explain to MIL what you have done, that you find her actions extremely upsetting and that you've been left out of pocket. Then leave the ball in her court. But if she actually is the kind of person to defraud a homeless charity, I wouldn't expect much.

Hopefully though she has obtained the gifts legitimately and I definitely wouldn't accuse her until I'd made sure that wasn't the case.

Also the situation is a little different if your MIL is genuinely impoverished herself and this was potentially the only means for her to give something lovely to her grandchildren.

Edited

This

BunchOfShapes · 28/12/2025 23:19

I don't understand how she is able to access the food bank if she is well off? That doesn't add up at all... are you saying she has somehow conned her way into the food bank as well?

DurinsBane · 28/12/2025 23:19

WillowIvy · 28/12/2025 23:13

I’m asking this gently, why does she need to use a foodbank? Can she not afford gifts for your children?

Edited to add, you say in your OP that you never gave your MIL a gift which I find strange. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the full situation though! Food banks normally need referrals made unless you’re talking about a community pantry which anyone can use.

Edited
Show quote history

I would guess a community pantry

PurpleLovecats · 28/12/2025 23:21

This is strange. I’ve worked in many jobs where I have had capacity to refer people up food banks. They usually only accept referrals a limited amount of times. She must be conning a professional somewhere to get these referrals.

Or you late unaware of her real circumstances eg debt.

Itisallastruggle · 28/12/2025 23:24

We have some food banks near us which are actually community run and users can pay a small fee for items. It’s not run by the government or needing referrals so anyone can in theory join for discounted food. Usually, only those on low incomes do because there’s stigma and you can’t do a full shop so it’s not particularly convenient for those that can afford a proper shop. However, those that join can also access gifts at Christmas which are again at a nominal fee. It’s possible that your MIL is using something similar and whilst you could argue it is morally wrong, it’s not actually illegal and she may not have stolen anything. A quick call to them would confirmed how their scheme runs and people access it. I’d look into this fully before making accusations as she may have paid something towards these gifts.