Mum annoyed that my husband fell asleep at 8:30pm on boxing day after over-indulging

[Angelcake1991]

Hi,

Just wanted to get people's thoughts on this please.

My mum came over on Boxing day and stayed the night. My husband spent most of the afternoon preparing a meal for us all and drank a little too much whilst doing so.
This meant he missed out on the games we played with the children and he was fast asleep on the sofa by 8.30pm snoring extremelty loudly. I was a little embarrased as was sitting there with my mum listening to him snoring.

When i spoke to mum the following day after she had gone home she said she felt very embarrased and uncomfortable about the situation. She was the guest and he shouldnt have drunk so much that he fell asleep in that state. She said she will not be texting my husband to thank him for the meal he cooked.

What are peoples thoughts?

He was drunk, can't you read between the lines?

Your mum needs to get a grip! Fine for him to have a snooze on the couch in this own home with his mother in law round.

The snoring would annoy me and I would have shaken DH awake and told him to get into his bed.

Sheesht, these things happen. Hardly the end of the world.
Let Hyacinth Bouquet host the next time!

At home and around family (a good MIL is family not a guest!). Sleeping and not harming anyone is Gross? You'd rather he be out in a pub? Some of you are so hateful and stuck up unfortunately.

She is your mother and he’d already done plenty to entertain her by doing the cooking. So you’d think after that your company would have been enough for her.

I would have woken him and kindly encouraged him to go to bed where he would be much more comfortable.

I think, good manners means leaving when you see your host is very tired. Your mum obviously disagrees.

Your DM is the rude one here, not to mention extremely uptight.

If you were embarrassed about him snoring, why didn’t you tell him to go upstairs and have a rest?

That's normal behaviour if u have had a busy over indulgence of a day he must feel comfortable around your mum to do it so she needs to chill 😆

I don't think he's done anything wrong, in this case your mum needs to chill I'm afraid. Tricky cos you're piggy in the middle, but why can't people be allowed to chill and drink and do whatever, it's Christmas!!! And fair play to him for cooking.

I have a quick recipe for ragu and another that takes 3 hours. The level of time it takes me is roughly the same for both as the 3 hours is spent simmering. It doesn't take three hours of active cooking tasks and you don't have to stand and watch the pot while it cooks.

mine fell asleep and I left him to it. Nothing to be upset about. We played a game without him and had fun. He played it with us the next day.

I think it's rude to get drunk and pass out on the sofa when you've invited someone over. The mother said he was 'in a state'. Very unpleasant for everyone else to have to sit in a room with him snoring.

This post is now on FB 😬

Your mum was a guest. Guests do not dictate the rules in other peoples homes. Your husband was kind enough to host and cook and enjoyed a few drinks at Christmas who cares if he fell asleep in his own home. Your mum is exceedingly rude for a) complaining b) no saying thank you.

I hate that they do that.

Yes, it does seem intrusive (even if it is in the T&Cs).
Support seems to be overwhelmingly in favour of the husband, which I do kind of understand.

Exactly!
Its literally simmering - you don’t include that in how exhausting it is to make.

I am shocked at the backwards attitudes of so many posters saying that as he is a man and he cooked, then that gives him permission to get drunk and pass out leaving the parenting to OP and her mum.

There have been posts saying it’s just what men do and how he’s a poor guy for being so exhausted after cooking, how cooking is knackering and how they would have covered him with a blanket etc.
Its shocking.

I’d be embarrassed that my DH got so drunk that he couldn’t be woken and sat there snoring whilst the kids were playing.
I’m sure OP would have loved to have a sleep on the sofa.

But as a mother I would be upset if this was my DDs DH and he got so drunk and passed out on the sofa and expected her to be the default parent.

I’d probably mention it and remind my DD that’s it’s not ok but drop it if I thought it was just a 1 off, however I am wondering if this is just the tip of the iceberg for this type of behaviour.

I am wondering how many mothers on here regularly drink too much and pass out on the sofa and are not able to parent their DC.

I wouldn’t be inviting your mum again if she’s that uptight about DH snoozing on Boxing Day night!

your mum is a guest. It’s not the other way round.

he’s entitled to have a drink and fall asleep on the sofa.

shes entitled to think “ that’s not something id do in my house”

but its in your home, not hers

He needs to apologise for his rude, boorish behaviour: as a host he has responsibilities, he has let himself and his wife down. MIL needs to thank him for the meal and perhaps praise him for being such a good cook, even when he had too much to drink. But as a guest, she also has responsibilities: “thank you for hosting me and cooking such a lovely meal.”

All families are different. In my family this wouldn’t be considered an issue, we’d all just laugh and get on with having fun. Maybe encourage him to go to bed. Especially as we’d all been fed. My own mother can have her uptight moments but she wouldn’t kick off about this.

Your mum sounds precious and judgemental. Boxing day is for overindulgence, relaxing, napping on the sofa and not worrying about being judged by your own family. How can she not say thank you for a meal? Pretty petty. Does she always expect to be waited on hand and foot?

He doesn’t have a MIL problem. He has a DW problem.

That’s usually how it works on Mumsnet, isn’t it?

He was not being unreasonable, he cooked, he earned his rest.

Your Mother sounds awful and you are not much better. Who does she think she is? It's hubby's day too you know and he spent most of it making sure you ate well. Additionally it's borderline traditional to fall asleep in front of the TV in the evening. Perhaps he felt neglected by the ungrateful women in the house staring daggers at him and just drifted off in a corner of the room neglected and alone.

Your mum is a grumpy ungrateful turd!