In laws with tiny stomachs

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Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

It was more that because she eats so little, she expects everyone else to eat so little too. Whatever their age or size. So would reassure the nurses that he’d eaten “loads” when he hadn’t. A total inability or unwillingness to accept that he wasn’t eating enough.

Well in the Netherlands everyone is allowed 1,piece of neat,,regardless how,small. And one biscuit with any tea and coffee. The lid is placed very firmly on the biscuit box and it's put in the cupboard. I have to remind my MIL that her son doesnt subscribe to such cultural norms and is a CARNIVORE! He will happily eat half a kilo (or more) of chicken at dinner time. 😂

When I met my DH he was still living at home. His DM would charge him 50p per slice of bread if he wanted a sandwich even though he paid board.
She also nearly lost her mind when he made me a cheese sandwich and if we got a supermarket pizza she would say she should charge us for the gas.
I thought she was joking at the time, she wasn’t.
She and DH’s Dad were not short of money. It was very controlling, they were perfectly happy for DH to pay for a takeaway for them all! They are a very odd couple.

It was only a matter of time before the competitive under eaters rocked up. I’m amazed it took this long.

It was only a matter of time before the competitive under eaters rocked up. I’m amazed it took this long
It didn't take long for posts to be misinterpreted to suit the narrative and use the opportunity to label a controlled eater and under eater!

The bitterness against these people on MN is astonishing!

For clarity, it's my family members who have a problem with seeing me skinny when I'm not because THEY compare our appetite. The facts are the facts though: I'm in the normal BMI range, they are in the obese. Scientifically, they have an issue with their food consumption, I don't.

For clarity, I don't judge their eating habits. They do what they want, I don't care. It THEM who judge mine.

Sadly, overweight/obese will continue to think it's acceptable to belittle slim people.

Just arrived at my FILs last night with 3 year old. FIL heated up a 1L carton of tomato soup to feed 3 adults, 2 teenagers and a toddler.

Currently writing a shopping list to give to DP as soon as he wakes up.

Sadly, overweight/obese will continue to think it's acceptable to belittle slim people

And vice versa, though I'm willing to bet it's the overweight/obese who cop the shit for the greater part.

Of course it is, @echt but some folk are desperate to be the victim.

My MIL was a terrible cook and her meals were tiny. I don't know what she fed my DH when he was a child, but she must have given him more or he would have been really malnourished! She was a tiny woman and ate very little herself. We never went to see her for meals, arriving early afternoon after a decent lunch and leaving after teatime so we could have a meal on the way home. Fortunately she lived quite a long way away so we didn't visit often, though she did stay with us occasionally and managed to struggle through a normal meal then.
My DM just had daughters and our meals were not huge, but we always had cake or sandwiches at teatime as well as supper. When we went to visit her with our DC the meals were quite small (eg a lasagne large enough for four hungry children which was meant to feed eight) but again she always had cake and biscuits around.
When my DH took me to visit his family he often took me out to the pub for an extra meal at lunchtime or in the evening.

For my late Nanan she had macular, dementia and arthritis. Towards the end, she gave up on cooking as it was too much effort. My parents drove up 65 miles most Saturdays from late 2021 and most of 2022 and my DM brought up meals like quiches, chicken casseroles. She ate a small/medium meal of this. Plus we discovered she didn’t like chewing chewy or hard food. We believed that because weight was falling off her - her dentures probably got dislodged.

We did put her in a care home for the last 14 months of her life. She enjoyed being there and having food in front of her.

That really depends where you go in the Netherlands. In the catholic south they practically force-feed you.

I've never belittled anyone for being slim in my life. I struggle with my weight. Always have. My mum is very slim. I was called fat from the age of 9 in school because I was slightly than my friends. I was bullied in high school for being a size 12

I exercise a lot. I'm actually a qualified gym instructor but there have been times when I haven't been able to -injury. I put on weight during covid. One man shouted out a car window at me, "haw fatty". Some people don't like women who aren't a size ten and in my case it seems to be random men who don't know me shouting insults in the street or online

When I was being harassed online a few years ago I was fat shamed. Memes were made of me. I was called pie tester and pie taster. The person doing the worst of that was 20 stones himself so there was projecting going on but it was still horrible

It's also possible to be very fit and have a BMI of over 25. At points where I was training very hard and doing bootcamps and triathlons -my BMI was around 27. My brother has a BMI of around 26 so he's technically obese but he's a PT who trains five times a week and his body fat percentage is low

The only place I've been underfed is staying with my SIL and her family, just really small portions and no snacks. We think she and her DH must eat in secret from each other as neither of them are mega slim.

After the first time, I brought along room snacks.

Next time you need to pre-load or take hidden calorie dense snacks like mountaineers might take on an expedition.

I’m slim, I don’t starve people who come to my house though, I regularly offer them food to ensure they are satiated.

Yes, trail mix for overnight stays

@CuteOrangeElephant I clearly landed in the wrong part!

‘Dropped a belt size’ 🙄 this really isn’t funny, OP. The way you write is funny, granted but this has been awful for your children. I suggest instead of avoiding future visits, your DH gets off his backside and cooks his wife and kids meals when visiting his parents.

This would suck and I'd just directly speak to them about it or bring your own food for your family and they can have what they want.

However I have the opposite problem. My mother in law provides enough food to feed an army and overloads the kids on chocolate biscuits and cake and will sulk when we try to reign her in. I'm dreading tomorrow as it's just too much and she comments if I don't eat my whole portion (which for context, will be about 6 slabs of ham, a huge amount of toast potatoes, cooked carrots plus cheese plus a dessert plus biscuits, crisps etc). DH says it's normal and just to not accept things once I'm full but she sulks and says so you don't like my food? Argh?!!!

Also she overrules my decision to stop giving the boys chocolate and sweeties etc.

My Nan used to do that and it’s some of the fondest memories I have of childhood -my Nan spoiling us and my mum shaking her head and eye rolling !!
good times z

That’s not a reason to starve your guests.

It seems fairly common especially when the DH won’t say anything!

A round of applause for the normal BMI. You’re amazing! No, really, you are! Take a bow!

Anybody in their late 60’s who “assumes” that a young healthy active family will eat the same as them is either fucking thick or just doesn’t care that their guests are hungry. Dont they remember bringing up children?

Can really relate. I love my dad and stepmum, but whenever we stay with them they constantly feel the need to stress about how little they eat, or the bad appetites of their friends or other family members. My stepmum has been watching her weight since the 70’s - everything in the house is low fat spread, low fat yoghurt, etc - and she eats tiny portions. The other week she was telling me how luckily Christmas dinner was going to be the only ‘bad meal’ they’ll have that week, and then started talking about how obscene their hosts portions always are. I find that such an incredibly sad view of food - that something like a Christmas dinner is something bad because it’s a feast and would blow up a weight watchers points system. They just cannot be relaxed around others eating and have to say things like “wow that’s a lot of food” or “blimey, can’t believe you ate all that”. Which then makes people feel self conscious. And if the portions are big, so what? They don’t have to eat everything! And my stepmum doesn’t even eat vegetables, never has, so I find her judgements on how people eat to be a bit rich in all honesty. But I would never make a point of it to her because quite frankly it’s none of my business and its so rude to comment on other peoples eating habits - live and let live. If only my parents had got the memo on that one!