In laws with tiny stomachs

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Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

“Pecked” 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌🏻

What is wonderful about a couple who won't speak up to get their children fed?

My mother's obsession with tiny portions and not being able to manage "all that" was a massive issue when my dad was in hospital before he died. His condition meant he couldn't really feed himself so mum was helping out with going in at lunchtime to visit and help him eat and would nibble on her meagre lunch while helping dad with his. She would regularly report he'd had something like "one sausage, a spoonful of mash and a WHOLE yoghurt". Funnily enough he lost huge amounts of weight in hospital which did not help with his failure to recover. So much so that his wedding ring which had been firmly wedged in place for decades fell off his finger.

When she had a recent hospital stay she refused to eat meals because she was "not hungry" - how could she be hungry when all she was doing was sitting in bed?? How could anyone be expected to eat cereal/toast for breakfast and then sandwiches and yoghurt for lunch AND a cooked dinner? Outrageous. Despite a very lovely nurse explaining diplomatically that it didn;t really matter whether she was hungry or not, her body needed the fuel so just get the sodding chicken salad sandwich down her and stop moaning.

This is what we have to do when visiting our PIL. If my mum has the dogs, we go to the local Premier Inn, so DC can load up on unlimited breakfast, surreptitiously snack in the car in the day if there's no lunch, and we often offer to cook or take them out for a meal in the evening. If we have the dogs with us, we get an Airbnb. Thankfully staying over with them is out of the question as they don't have room for us plus 2 teenage DC and 2 dogs (was 3 until recently). DC have long outgrown the camp beds they used to sleep on in the living room, they're both tall.

PIL faint at the extravagance of staying in hotels/Airbnbs and don't understand why we can't just "make do" for a couple of nights, but none of us slept well, the kids were cranky due to being underfed and not sleeping and changes in routine. They were offended, but nobody died and they got used to it. I don't know if staying elsewhere might be an option OP, to kindly save them the work of hosting?

We have left! Actually feeling well fed for a change with the takeaway last night and croissants we brought for breakfast. In laws skipped breakfast due to last night's indulgence. Have vowed to not stay more than one night there again unless strictly necessary. DH has dropped a belt size apparently (and who does that over Christmas!) Children, due to my foraging have not felt the effects of In-laws petit gastronomic appetites thankfully, though at times they may have felt they were in a mad Max film with my frantic and crazed "trips for dips" throughout the day. It will be a treat not to think about food sources for a while.

Yes this is a good idea

MILs idea of breakfast is one slice of (thin) toast, so I always take food when we go there now.

You lot are worrying me. Malnutrition is rampant among our elderly. You'll be setting yourself up for muscle wasting and bone loss.

If you aren't interested in food, get a list of daily nutrient requirements and organise yourselves a 'health diet'.

Ftr, I'm 70 and eat like the proverbial horse, all day. No, I'm not overweight.

I really hope you don't subject your kids to this next year. No way should you have been running around foraging or having to hide food - particularly because you bought it

Last year I went on holiday with my mum and stepdad and being on mounjaro, was the only time I've visited them that I haven't been starving the whole time.
They spend a lot of the day planning their meals, and then it's something tiny with a bit of salad.
I suggest putting boxes of cereal bars or individual wrapped cupboard snacks in your case.

I do like ‘horderves’ : it gives a suggestion somehow of hoarding and secret, illicit snacking on delicious blinis and contraband salmon and mini sausage rolls. I shall adopt it!

I like horderves, it’s delightfully keeping up appearances.

I like this idea. And as someone who has a severe peanut allergy in the family and so has not eaten peanuts in 16 years I have been thinking about a PPs anecdote about sneaking soft white rolls and peanut butter with avarice. Mmmm.

DH is a bit of a food hoarder. He was brought up by parents who experienced rationing and his reaction has been to always carry food and our cupboards are groaning. His standard thing when going away is to stock up on multiple cheese and pickle sandwiches (He's vegetarian). So he would have taken at least 7 or so for a 3 day stay. It has proven quite useful at times because I am not such a planner. I have a lovely memory of a slightly stale sandwich and a mini bottle of prosecco once when we got stuck in traffic for 5-ish hours.

I’m on chemo and my appetite went along with the tumour when it was chopped out!

BUT…. The Christmas dinner and everything else was flowing!!

we still have loads left (probably because I’m not eating it all) but I couldn’t imagine making people eat the same small amount as me YANBU

Yep, my mum had a hearty appetite her whole life. She had to have a second breakfast like a hobbit! Mostly very healthy food but guilt free when a nice treat was on offer.
She was 5 ft 1 and slim her entire life.

I'm with your DH.

I went cold reading that

Did you/siblings other relatives go in and make sure he was eating or at least update the nurses that his wife might be limiting the amount of food he was able to ingest , in turn slowing down his recovery ??

A sardine is not unhealthy.

But it's not vegetarian - think that's the point

I know. But she's only a vegetarian for health reasons.

That’s awful. Your poor, poor Dad. That’s made me really sad. I’m not sad about your mum, she can do what she likes, but fancy restricting what someone really ill in hospital can eat.

Agree … on both counts.
Reads like eating disorders.

I'm vegetarian because I have aa number of auto immune conditions and animal products have been proven to cause inflammation in my specific set of conditions. That's what I meant.

It was tricky. Dad has dementia and had no clue whether he’d eaten or not or whether he was hungry or not. Mom genuinely thought he was eating loads - she was not deliberately stopping him eating. The situation was such that even if he’d been eating really well, he probably wouldn’t have recovered. Siblings and I fed him chocolate but sometimes he’d also just refuse to eat or spit it out. Dementia is a bugger.

Kind of different to what you said earlier as you suggested your mum was limiting his intake as part of her own issues with food.

my sisters and I /BILs/my DC’s would have been there around the clock when the weight started dropping off him in view of your mum’s pattern of behaviour around restricting the food if those around her. Monitoring and jotting down what he’d eaten and the calories consumed, trying to get our hands on the spoon and liaising so ward staff could top his calorie intake up with shakes or powders.

I feel quite bereft for the poor old boy and him being frankly being starved in plain sight. It’s touched a nerve as I had a friend years ago who said the same about her grandad in hospital,
wasting away and severely dehydrated because the nurses were too busy to feed him and extended family didn’t visit at mealtimes.