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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws with tiny stomachs

543 replies

HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:06

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 21:22

SoftBalletShoes · 28/12/2025 21:18

I'm not sure that this post is real. There are children, and yet neither parent is able to make sure that they or themselves get enough food, because there are apparently blocks in place to all reasonable solutions.

It makes no sense at all.

I smell a rat.

They clearly don't care about the kids if they think it's ok to get half a bowl of gruel with some extra sneaky cheese flung in. What a weird family

MrsJeanLuc · 28/12/2025 21:31

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

They're little snacky things you eat before dinner

limetrees32 · 28/12/2025 21:35

If the inlaws find it acceptable for the OP to provide bread and humus etc "for the table" why was it necessary to sneak cheese into the thin broth provided for lunch ?

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 21:42

They are very rude and frankly ridiculous.

The size of your own appetite doesn't stop anyone knowing that most people eat at least 3 times a day, and to offer 3 meals a day to your guests.

You don't "Plate" food for your guests, you allow everyone to eat according to your own appetite, but not serving food is stupid.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 21:45

limetrees32 · 28/12/2025 21:35

If the inlaws find it acceptable for the OP to provide bread and humus etc "for the table" why was it necessary to sneak cheese into the thin broth provided for lunch ?

Because they aren't being fed enough obviously and are being difficult about every food choice that's being made

EchoesOfOurDreams · 28/12/2025 21:55

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 20:24

Honestly. Fuck this stupid thread. You've allowed your kids to be starved for three days and done nothing about it and you are sitting moaning on about how your Mil ate a cube of feta

Why didn't you remove your kids from t this toxic situation yesterday instead of allowing them to be fed broth. Fuck off!

I think it's fake and it has now jumped the shark due to how long it has gone on for.

Beachtastic · 28/12/2025 21:56

HumbleStumble · 28/12/2025 19:49

The takeaway has been demolished 😍
Finally some nutrition. I think I've actually over-eaten. We persuaded them to allow us to buy a takeaway for everyone as thanks for all their 'hospitality'. After fierce negotiation they accepted a last minute deal of Greek food (Indian and thai too spicy for in-laws, Chinese too greasy and pizza was junk food). MIL pecked at a cube of feta and salad before starting on the washing up and PIL actually went to town on a moussaka. Maybe he was hungry all along. MIL has generally disapproved of the gluttony and went off saying something about starving children elsewhere.

Starving children elsewhere?! 🤣

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 21:59

Beachtastic · 28/12/2025 21:56

Starving children elsewhere?! 🤣

Show quote history

Yes. The Mil has an eating disorder and ate one cube of feta and is upset at other people eating more as there are starving children elsewhere in the world

Beachtastic · 28/12/2025 22:11

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 21:59

Yes. The Mil has an eating disorder and ate one cube of feta and is upset at other people eating more as there are starving children elsewhere in the world

Show quote history

I know, I was just making a joke of the fact that she doesn't have to look quite so far away to find starving children...!

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 28/12/2025 22:39

My dad (79) is the same. It is infuriating. “Oh I can’t eat that amount Wife, give that to someone else.” (Normal sized portion of food). “God that’s a big portion dinosaur!” (I’m not overweight). “I couldn’t possibly eat that.”

I bite my lip for the most part but not always. He’s not hungry because he’s full of red wine!

madaboutpurple · 28/12/2025 23:09

Next year would you be able to get a self catering flat near them and then you could get the food you want and will be able to ask if they want to visit for a meal. This might be a good solution.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 23:26

madaboutpurple · 28/12/2025 23:09

Next year would you be able to get a self catering flat near them and then you could get the food you want and will be able to ask if they want to visit for a meal. This might be a good solution.

I'd be staying away from them

popupandsayhi · 28/12/2025 23:36

Oh Op, you do sound wonderful. If I was nearby I’d drop off some fish and chips for you to snaffle in the car

DrCoconut · 28/12/2025 23:51

Not even sure this is an age thing. My parents serve a minimum of two courses per meal at three meals a day, and there is always plenty. It's usually put out in dishes for people to help themselves so everyone can eat to their appetite. Plus drinks, snacks etc as needed. They'd be horrified to think anyone was hungry or thirsty at their house.

Sharptonguedwoman · 28/12/2025 23:54

Tink3rbell30 · 27/12/2025 19:50

I don't eat 3 meals a day, it's not a requirement.

But it is for me so if I were hosting, I’d offer three meals, no one has to eat hugely each mealtime.

Lardychops · 28/12/2025 23:54

soupyspoon · 28/12/2025 16:30

Yes the thin broth has done it for me

Show quote history

Course it’s an exaggeration
‘thin broth’ jumped the shark sadly 🦈

neighboursmustliveon · 29/12/2025 00:51

My MIL is a competitive under eater and is getting worse. SIL gets upset as she ne er buts food in when she comes to visit. I haven’t offered to take her shopping to her food for her DD arriving to be told no, DD buys her own food - only because she has too!

MIL was recently in hospital, I was visiting over lunch time and the lady across from her was apologising for not eating much (they threw away a plateful), MIL also complained about not being able to manage much and they feed them so much, she left half a chicken breast only, eaten the jacket potato, salad and other half of the chicken breast. In her mind she was on par with the lady who didn’t touch her meal.

she also told DH she was having a cracker sandwich for tea recently, I presume she meant to crackers and a bit of cheese. She has always had a funny attitude to food but it is a lot worse the older she has gotten.

Thoseslippers · 29/12/2025 00:58

OonaStubbs · 28/12/2025 08:34

YABU If more people ate like your ILs there would be less obesity in this country.

That's such nonsense.
It's not healthy fir most people to live like that. It's disordered eating. You dont combat one type of disordered eating with another.
Like I said my own mother has literally no muscle mass because she's been starving herself thin most of her life.
People who do that have negative health consequences on a par with obesity.
Unless they are naturally very small or very elderly or very sedentary, then most people do need 3 healthy meals a day

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 01:08

Thoseslippers · 29/12/2025 00:58

That's such nonsense.
It's not healthy fir most people to live like that. It's disordered eating. You dont combat one type of disordered eating with another.
Like I said my own mother has literally no muscle mass because she's been starving herself thin most of her life.
People who do that have negative health consequences on a par with obesity.
Unless they are naturally very small or very elderly or very sedentary, then most people do need 3 healthy meals a day

Show quote history

My brother is a personal trainer and is very active. Eats three meals a day and snacks and has very low body fat percentage but he's not underweight.

The notion that people need to eat like birds to not be obese is a pile of shite

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 01:12

Stop making excuses for ridiculous disordered eating -anyone on here. It is completely normal to eat two or three decent meals a day and be active and not be obese.

Eating a bowl of gruel and one bit of feta cheese is not normal..

My mum is around 8 stones and even she eats three meals a day. Small ones but not gruel and one cube of feta.

Completely ridiculous. No one should be making excuses for an eating disorder

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 01:14

And kids are having to eat this gruel because of the mother in laws disordered eating. Shameful!!

They should be enjoying their Christmas. Not this misery

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 29/12/2025 01:17

How are your children handling it? Mine would be saying they are starving in front of everyone... what would ILs say to that?

Theslummymummy · 29/12/2025 01:58

That's like my dad's inlaws. Found out recently they've got nearly a million quid I the bank and my dad said "that's a lifetime of eating half a sandwich"

99bottlesofkombucha · 29/12/2025 02:11

SoftBalletShoes · 28/12/2025 06:51

SIX Weetabix each plus toast and fruit? Assume you're joking??

Show quote history

No, I’m really not. I have a very active 10yo boy who it feels like eats for 5. He plays a lot of sport, is lean and fit, and eats like a horse. He’ll have dinner and second dinner and another 6 weetbix before bed. I spend a lot of time thinking about healthy filling things to feed him- eg fridays is first dinner at 4:30 a couple of hours before a game and second dinner at 8pm when he gets back. The others are younger and they eat a lot too but not quite as much as this one 😂 the 7yo certainly matches his brother at breakfast though.

MinibusEmergency · 29/12/2025 02:15

I’m reminded of the time my exSIL served up buffet mini burgers with a few chips ‘because they looked like fun’ as if they were normal sized burgers. A main course of 8 mini burgers between four adults and two teenagers…
ExSIL and BIL also used to order one carvery meal and a spare plate because they couldn’t possibly eat that much food.
I used to cringe with embarrassment when the penny dropped with the waiting staff.