In laws with tiny stomachs

[HumbleStumble]

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

Just back from my mother's. Brother was there with his 19 year old son and 16 year old daughter. I was there with my 22 year old daughter and 17 year old son. So 7 adults. Had I not brought supplies with me, she intended to provide for lunch:

1 small supermarket quiche Lorraine
4 morning rolls
4 slices of cooked ham
A couple of shredded lettuce leaves
6 cherry tomatoes
6 cream cracker biscuits
2 babybel cheeses.

For SEVEN ADULTS.

If I was him I would stop at the chippy and walk into her house with a huge portion of fish and chips. Give her a proper conniption! But then my mother was like this and it was only when my sister and I, as adults, made it clear that we werent going to take it anymore that she backed off. We were often hungry as kids. Now she leaves catering to my father or me and we are generous. She disapproves but knows better than to say anything.

Oh Wow! Not even a cherry tomato each 😳

Privilege is not something I have got. What I have got is a mouth with a tongue in it for speaking my mind and an appetite. There was absolutely zero in OP's post about controlling behaviour. Just that the in laws don't eat a lot and don't feed their guests. They are definitely crap hosts but I think a lot of older people are. I have to remind my parents to give my children drinks. They only drink tea and coffee so they forget that little people need water. Most people are self obsessed and sometimes need to be reminded other people exist with different wants and needs to their own.

Chuck in some lurpak and that’s a decent lunch….for ONE! 🤣🤣

There is much more to this than "tiny stomachs". As I said earlier on in the thread my mum isn't and never has been a huge eater. If we go out for a meal she will usually take leftovers home or try to get me to eat some of her food

For context on Christmas day we had a takeaway - we both had the same thing. A veg curry with chips but I finished my curry and she had the rest the next day

But not in a million years would I ever go to her house and she'd be feeding me a bowl of thin soup. Not ever

This is not about age or about diets - they are bullying you into eating what they are eating and it's worse because you bought the bloody food

Stand up to them! Stop sneaking around. If you want a takeaway phone one!

100%. There seems to be a klaxon that brings the undereaters to these threads

Agree.
And parents are surprised when children reared in such a messed up dynamic go elsewhere for Christmas.

My friend grew up in a house where her aunt was a pass remarkable witch.
Everything was fair game, it was "just her way".
Her parents and grandparents sat by as her bitch aunt pulled apart their looks and personalities, grades, hobbies, all the while joking at their expense. It was excruciating.

First Christmas she was away for university on full scholarship, she rang and said she had an invitation for Christmas from a friend and wouldn't be home.
Her parents couldn't understand.
Following year her only sibling, a brother, was up at university with her and they stayed with some lovely local friends for the holidays.
Whilst the visited their parents only occasionally, post graduation, having settled several hours away,
they never went home for Christmas again.

Interestingly they didn't blame the bitch aunt, they blamed their parents for not standing up for them and allowing her behaviour to stand unchallenged.

Loyalty, advocating for your children is very important.

Why do I have a hunch that in her head the "leftovers" would be lunch for her tomorrow?

After all half a slice of ham, half a roll etc each for 7 would leave the odd halves leftover!

Why are you both putting your IL feelings over hungry kids? Honestly I would be questioning that more than anything. And I would never let my kids stay over there again

It’s terrible how you both are putting your kids through this. Really awful of you both.

Yeh but in others there is a lot of competitive gluttony too (see the ‘I had 3 mince pies and a box of chocs for breakfast’ etc) so I think it evens itself out.

My parents are getting older and eating noticeably less. But they realise guests need and want to be fed!

When my daughter was a teenager she went to stay with her friends grandparents for week. The girls were starving as the old couple would share one tin of soup between 4. The girls used their spending money to buy food. Now I'm older my appetite is tiny but I understand young people need to eat.

Opposite problem here, we can’t believe how much my elderly parents eat! Breakfast, something with a coffee mid morning, lunch, tea and cake, dinner. I don’t eat breakfast and only have a light lunch, especially this time of year of year so it feels as though I’m constantly prepping, serving and clearing up. In your situation OP with children I would be asking for space in the fridge as the children are hungry.

My in laws have always been like this too. Fortunately for me my DH has always just overruled them and either ensured the portions were enough for us (with much arguing in the kitchen with his DPs), or simply gone out and bought more food/takeaways and ignored DPs protests when he comes back with the food, which always gets eaten anyway. It is still very stressful though as it is a constant battle to just get enough to eat every time we go over. They live in another country so we can't easily just go home and normally stay for about a week. I'm not sure why they are like this. They are very well off and always have been, but grew up during post-war rationing and they are also ex-smokers so that may have contributed to low appetites which just became a habit over time.

In your situation though I think if your DH won't stand up to them, especially when your poor DC are going hungry too, then you have a big problem. I think unless he stops being a wet blanket and sticks up for you all then you may have to refuse any further visits.

Is the OP coming back do you think?

Probably too weak to type

Dpends waht you class as normal, what are you having in the 3 meals a day?

I can't see why, if you are at home, why you can't do a normal size meal for you and a small meal for them (or vice versa if they are hosting). My mum has a small appetite and often eats very little - if we go out and say have a sandwich I can pretty well guarantee that she will only want half and will want me to have the other half. However, she always finishes a roast dinner, which is good news at Christmas!

Hors D'oevres

It's creative

We call them Horse Duvets. Preferably said in the voice of Alison Steadman in Abigails Party!

I actually only eat once a day but my family.....

Porridge, overnight oats, or something involving eggs

Sandwich, salad, jacket potato all with some form of protein etc then fruit, yoghurt, snack etc

Protein with carby side and veg/salad side.