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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

881 replies

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP posts:
fishtank12345 · 27/12/2025 20:04

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

since she wants to go back home... with child... yes...

Iceandfire92 · 27/12/2025 20:05

Slightly besides the point, but was dropping the exact name of the university your son attends truly necessary? I don't see how it is in any way relevant to the dilemma. Was this to highlight how your son is not in the same demographic as those who would usually find themselves in this situation? Or even a subtle brag? I hope the pregnancy test was clean, how odd to make you unwrap it as a present with your bare hands!

Blueuggboots · 27/12/2025 20:05

It’s discord - the platform.

Zanzara · 27/12/2025 20:06

MrsEndeavourMorse · 27/12/2025 18:16

You posted because she had no response in 3 minutes? I mean, she actually did because people take a few minutes to type then post. Christ. Bump after literal seconds

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No need to jump down her throat for a well meaning response.

PodMom · 27/12/2025 20:06

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 27/12/2025 19:51

I looked it up. The UK is way down the list of preferred destinations.

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Probably easier than the USA at the minute, even Canada is cracking down on immigration and hard to get a student visa for. She may have applied to quite a few countries for a student visa and this may have been her only option. Especially if she wanted an English speaking country. Then once she’s here if the plan is to get pregnant so it will be easier for her to stay due to the baby having U.K. citizenship if the dad is a British national and the baby is born here then she has to get pregnant by a British bloke. So the question isn’t is the U.K. too of the list of places…..question is did she/does she want to be here rather than korea?

winterbluess · 27/12/2025 20:06

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Of course it is.. or are you trying to imply she's racist or something?

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 27/12/2025 20:09

PodMom · 27/12/2025 20:06

Probably easier than the USA at the minute, even Canada is cracking down on immigration and hard to get a student visa for. She may have applied to quite a few countries for a student visa and this may have been her only option. Especially if she wanted an English speaking country. Then once she’s here if the plan is to get pregnant so it will be easier for her to stay due to the baby having U.K. citizenship if the dad is a British national and the baby is born here then she has to get pregnant by a British bloke. So the question isn’t is the U.K. too of the list of places…..question is did she/does she want to be here rather than korea?

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Sure, anything is possible. It is just a wee bit problematic IMO to suggest that anyone foreign getting pregnant in the UK is after a visa, when that is actually not a very likely scenario for an educated woman from SK.

RanyaJerodung · 27/12/2025 20:10

PodMom · 27/12/2025 20:06

Probably easier than the USA at the minute, even Canada is cracking down on immigration and hard to get a student visa for. She may have applied to quite a few countries for a student visa and this may have been her only option. Especially if she wanted an English speaking country. Then once she’s here if the plan is to get pregnant so it will be easier for her to stay due to the baby having U.K. citizenship if the dad is a British national and the baby is born here then she has to get pregnant by a British bloke. So the question isn’t is the U.K. too of the list of places…..question is did she/does she want to be here rather than korea?

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Very good points. In our university it's one of the main nationalities for staying beyond the degree. Interestingly enough, mostly women.
There is a very big gender pay gap in SK, and of course, lack of LGBT rights. So some people must want to stay on this "dysfunctional island" (sic).

Thedownwardspiralpath · 27/12/2025 20:13

You’re obviously in shock and he obviously thought you would be as pleased as he is and is now a bit crushed.

For what it’s worth, my daughter was 14 and I was 39. My grandson is 12 now and we’re really close.

Give it time, these things have a way of working themselves out.

Natsku · 27/12/2025 20:14

You were obviously shocked, and responded in shock, but what's done is done and the best thing to do now is to be supportive. If your son is announcing the pregnancy to you then it sounds like his girlfriend has decided to keep the baby so you will be a grandmother whether you like it or not, and if you want to maintain a relationship with your son and grandchild you need to be kind to them all now. How much does your son have left of his studies? Will he finish before the baby is due? That would be best, but if he doesn't I would consider supporting them until he graduates so he has a chance of getting a decent job to support them himself.

Tammygirl12 · 27/12/2025 20:16

YABU you had a kid at 18, that’s the reason you’ll be a grandma at 38

winterbluess · 27/12/2025 20:17

Thedownwardspiralpath · 27/12/2025 20:13

You’re obviously in shock and he obviously thought you would be as pleased as he is and is now a bit crushed.

For what it’s worth, my daughter was 14 and I was 39. My grandson is 12 now and we’re really close.

Give it time, these things have a way of working themselves out.

14?? Jesus christ 🙈

ZorbaTheHoarder · 27/12/2025 20:17

I think 'discard' was a typo for 'Discord', a popular social media site.

UncannyFanny · 27/12/2025 20:18

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 19:09

Please be kind everyone, everyone has there own stories and my situation was very different so I don't think hypocrite is fair and frankly quite hurtful. I understand better than anybody else the challenges that young parenthood presents.
For the people asking- DS does not speak Korean but has downloaded Duolingo since finding out (small victories eh?🙄)

Yet you completely side step answering how your own parents reacted when they found out you were pregnant? With respect I’ll save my ‘kindness’ for a young man who’s just suffered a pretty brutal rejection.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 27/12/2025 20:18

Give it time, these things have a way of working themselves out.

How will it work out when they end up being locked out of each other's country on visa grounds?

GlomOfNit · 27/12/2025 20:19

Has your son told you why they're both so set on keeping the pregnancy? How far along is it? Is there still time for other options to be reasonably considered?

S Korea is still a very conservative culture, socially, and not very westernised - I have no idea though about the attitude towards women who get pregnant out of wedlock or have abortions. I can guess, though. Sad I wonder if this GF really wants to carry this pregnancy on? I would imagine - being on a student visa and all - that she may feel her only option is to get married and return home with husband and have the baby. I think you do have to talk to your manchild of a son (who thought he'd be a great baby-daddy at 20? while still a student? PLEASE!) and ask if they have considered ALL the options while they still have time. It's a lot of lives to mess up and complicate.

I'm saying this partly because it doesn't sound to me that your son is that committed to the relationship, if he only downloaded Duolingo (not a serious way to learn a language if he wants to live there!) after he 'found out'...

MangerThings · 27/12/2025 20:20

Poor OP. Last Christmas she had another awful dilemma with her son turning up and berating her for what she was singing with her friends (Band Aid). Sad times. Seems like you just can’t get a break at Christmas :( Sending sympathy.

Contrarymary30 · 27/12/2025 20:21

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

Exactly my thoughts too !

UncannyFanny · 27/12/2025 20:21

MangerThings · 27/12/2025 20:20

Poor OP. Last Christmas she had another awful dilemma with her son turning up and berating her for what she was singing with her friends (Band Aid). Sad times. Seems like you just can’t get a break at Christmas :( Sending sympathy.

Well he seems to have more sense than his mother waiting until he was 20. Small mercies.

GlomOfNit · 27/12/2025 20:22

MangerThings · 27/12/2025 20:20

Poor OP. Last Christmas she had another awful dilemma with her son turning up and berating her for what she was singing with her friends (Band Aid). Sad times. Seems like you just can’t get a break at Christmas :( Sending sympathy.

ah.

ByPoisedRaven · 27/12/2025 20:24

There is no need to compare the OP's situation. It might be very different. I was 19 when I had my first. I was married, yes before I got pregnant. I had my own home established. We supported ourselves entirely. My mother was late 30s.

That's a hugely different situation even than if my unmarried, living at home 21 year old came home pregnant and expected to live with me with her child. Or if my son in his late 20s came home and told me he was having a baby with someone who is planning to move to another country with his child, especially if he planned to move back in with her and the baby like OP's son does.

MangerThings · 27/12/2025 20:29

Rosscameasdoody · 27/12/2025 19:44

Sorry to put a dampener on your ‘gotcha’ moment, but I think it was just a typo in the name of the website on which they met.

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Uh. Are you usually this credulous?

Cat1504 · 27/12/2025 20:30

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Very relevant…she’s not a British citizen….she’s unlikely to have visa allowing her to stay long term …..very very relevant I would say
so what your take on it then ….this Korean mama to be?

Janecat23 · 27/12/2025 20:31

Wow what a shock! But a baby 💕- it’s not how you imagined but it could just work out to be the most joyous thing. Give them a chance. Help them as much as you can. Good Luck!!

TwoBagsOfCompost · 27/12/2025 20:34

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 19:37

@Ariel896 discard is apparently the website they speak on?

It's Discord.