Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

So.. You opened his present to find a photo of a pregnancy test? Not the actual urine soaked stick? 😬

Uh oh, OP, you’ve left one of your Journo/ Annotation tags in. I’d just discard the lot to be honest bevause it’s meaningless pap.

Hope that helps

I wonder if she's told her parents yet, and how they reacted. The reaction to single mums is very different in S Korea and she may face being stigmatised/shunned even by her own family members

👏

On a different forum? Or on this one? Would help me spot trolls in future…

I know something far worse than hypocrisy. It’s knowing nothing about OP’s own situation and commenting like this. Just because she had her DS at a young age doesn’t mean she should be brimming with pride at what’s happened here. He sounds immature and irresponsible. Not exactly great dad material.

A. You have no idea what her circumstances were.
B. As I said before no one asking about her view on pregnancy or her family’s views.
call this Mumsnet?hardly female supporting

I think the point of this post - which many people have jumped on for not being the same - was written as a cautionary tale to provide good advice.

He is an adult and needs to step up if he is to be a dad - not be protected by parents so much he experiences no consequences.

If they are committed to having a baby - with support of parents obviously but in a grand parenting and not parenting way - then the son of the op has a good chance of being a great long term father who can step up and be there for his new family - we all know this is difficult at any age.

He’s not automatically destined to end up with multiple children he doesn’t father, but if he’s enabled by the people in his life on this occasion to be absolved of responsibility because he’s young it could be a possibility ……. I don’t want to put words in this poster’s mouth but I imagine it’s what’s being alluded to.

Support him to do his best and be responsible for his new child, his life is different now and he has to deal with it, with your support.

The way he told you was awful for you, but his mind was working a certain way when he did it. Try and have a private non judgmental chat at an appropriate time later, I’m sure it will reveal more than the way it’s been surprised upon you.

Visa ?

None of us know if the OP is genuine.. but that’s often the case in real life too .
Unless you know she’s a fake - why not be “kind”? And if that isn’t you then go for another thread ?

OP, how would he be able to support a partner and baby financially if he is in the first year of a degree and managing on student funding?

OP, so posters stop questioning your validity, why did you put discard next to your ds meeting her online?

Are South Korean people queuing up to move to a small increasingly dysfunctional island in the North Atlantic?

You'll need to make sure ds knows the terms of her student visa, will she be able to access specific antenatal care here ? Presumably she finishes her degree in May/June time which is probably why he's asking if they can stay with you as I can't imagine student accommodation agreeing to a student having a baby in that accomodation? If your ds is 20, what year is he in ? Appreciate that he hasn't gone about this terribly well but sounds like he's going to need practical support for the next 9 months whilst he navigates all this.

I read this as a typo for Discord to be fair.

@Ariel896 discard is apparently the website they speak on?

@Ariel896 I think OP means discord, it's a chat system a lot of gamers use

Given you were yourself pregnant so young and have managed to raise a son who is clearly doing well academically etc as a young mum, he probably didnt expect you to be so disappointed. How long was your relationship with his father? Are you together? Perhaps he feels a 6mth relationship with someone he cares about is ok if you did similar/it worked out for you? Or even he is just being a good man and standing by his responsibilities and happy that he is going to be a Dad. He needs support not judgement though I 100% get your shock and he could've done it as a surprise but away from everyone

Discord will be the place.

Yes.

Let’s not pretend that South Korea is any less dysfunctional.

Utterly Ridiculous response. I’m not suggesting she should be joyous… I’m suggesting that a mother who has been through it herself should be more understanding!

Indeed.

Good points:support your son with the practicalities. Perhaps he broke the news this way because he didn’t know how else to tell you. If so, that’s some insight into your relationship?

You must’ve had a teen pregnancy yourself so he’s waited longer than you, at least.

But yes it’s not what I’d want for my 20 year old son.