Page 26 | Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:32

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

My parents would not entertain me coming home with a baby in their house. I had to sort myself out with my partner.

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:34

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 19:09

Please be kind everyone, everyone has there own stories and my situation was very different so I don't think hypocrite is fair and frankly quite hurtful. I understand better than anybody else the challenges that young parenthood presents.
For the people asking- DS does not speak Korean but has downloaded Duolingo since finding out (small victories eh?🙄)

That sounds like something my daughter mighht do but I am preparing her for the world so she can't come with that fuckery to me.

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:37

Squirrelchops1 · 27/12/2025 18:12

What an amazing opportunity for your son to live in Asia. I sound sarcastic when I'm being absolutely genuine.

She'll be fine she will get housed here so op don't have to worry.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:39

IncessantNameChanger · 28/12/2025 20:36

If it was me and ds was over 18 I'd voice my concerns once and only once. The baby is coming now so that can't be changed. It's happened. I'd not risk pissing off my dil on day 1.

I'd say that you will talk about them moving post graduation at that point but won't be financially supporting them or free childcare to set expectations from day 1.

I don't know Korean culture, but in a lot of cultures you as GM would be expected to do full time childcare. So that needs to be discussed.

How will she have the baby and study? Uni creche? My ds said its very normal to hear baby's crying in his lectures. He is at a RG uni.

It might be a terrible choice but it's his choice and it's made. All you do now really is roll with it. I'd be shocked too.

Nope. None of the above. The girl is not OP’s DiL - they’ve never even met and she and DS are not in a long term relationship. There is no discussion to be had around full time childcare - OP isn’t responsible for the shit mess these two have created. I wouldn’t be rolling with it, and I certainly wouldn’t be housing them.

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:39

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 19:56

Did you not really read about the mother being Korean and not having any legal rights to be here if not studying? Did your brain really not register the many big pitfalls here that are completely different to the Ops situation?

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She's pregnant that changes everything.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:40

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 19:56

Did you not really read about the mother being Korean and not having any legal rights to be here if not studying? Did your brain really not register the many big pitfalls here that are completely different to the Ops situation?

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Lots of posters doing the same thing. Stupid knee jerk reaction and shows a lack of critical thinking.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:42

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:39

She's pregnant that changes everything.

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No. It actually doesn’t. It complicates things because no matter where the child is born there will be problems. And she’s 26. Old enough to know how babies are made, and there is no excuse for either of them to pass off the responsibility for the mess they’ve made onto OP.

ByPoisedRaven · 28/12/2025 21:43

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:39

Nope. None of the above. The girl is not OP’s DiL - they’ve never even met and she and DS are not in a long term relationship. There is no discussion to be had around full time childcare - OP isn’t responsible for the shit mess these two have created. I wouldn’t be rolling with it, and I certainly wouldn’t be housing them.

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In my experience with Asian families, it's usually the woman's mother who does the caring anyway. I've known some who have had parents come and stay with them from overseas just for that reason.

It's important discussions are had. The assumption he can move a woman OP has never met and a baby into OP's house is quite something. They need to start thinking about adulting.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:44

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:37

She'll be fine she will get housed here so op don't have to worry.

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You’ve clearly no idea what it takes to obtain leave to stay in the UK when a study visa runs out. The likelihood is that OP will be expected to stump up for the cost - which is considerable.

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 21:45

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:39

She's pregnant that changes everything.

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No it doesn't! She isn't married, she's got no proof of who the father is! She still can't legally be here for anything other than study. You didn't think a woman saying "I am pregnant" gave them the right to stay in any country of choice? The pregnancy could go wrong. Nothing would be done just because she's pregnant.

TheSquareMile · 28/12/2025 21:46

I think that the regulations which apply to the postgraduate study scheme she is following insist that the student leaves the UK as soon as the degree is completed, which is why she needs to return to South Korea in the autumn.

She would not be able to reside in the UK during the two years following completion, normally.

Her pregnancy could alter things in the sense that she could apply to return to the UK sooner and so override the regulations. I'm not sure when the baby is due, some time in the summer, I imagine. She may intend to fly out with the baby and then apply for entry to the UK for both of them in the autumn. I would imagine that she would need to give a UK address, hence his question about them both coming to stay. That would be an address she could give.

Danceparty55 · 28/12/2025 21:48

I can imagine this is hard news… but I think you need to try again and embrace supporting them. Otherwise there is every possibility they will move away and you’ll have no relationship.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:51

ByPoisedRaven · 28/12/2025 21:43

In my experience with Asian families, it's usually the woman's mother who does the caring anyway. I've known some who have had parents come and stay with them from overseas just for that reason.

It's important discussions are had. The assumption he can move a woman OP has never met and a baby into OP's house is quite something. They need to start thinking about adulting.

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I couldn’t agree more. This is not OP’s responsibility. These two feckless individuals have created a life with no thought as to what happens after the baby is born or the pitfalls of a set of parents who have no automatic right to residency in the their partners’ home country. The immature way in which DS broke the news and the entitlement of the expectation that OP will house them all with no objections seems to suggest he has no idea of the reality of the situation they have brought about.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:56

TheSquareMile · 28/12/2025 21:46

I think that the regulations which apply to the postgraduate study scheme she is following insist that the student leaves the UK as soon as the degree is completed, which is why she needs to return to South Korea in the autumn.

She would not be able to reside in the UK during the two years following completion, normally.

Her pregnancy could alter things in the sense that she could apply to return to the UK sooner and so override the regulations. I'm not sure when the baby is due, some time in the summer, I imagine. She may intend to fly out with the baby and then apply for entry to the UK for both of them in the autumn. I would imagine that she would need to give a UK address, hence his question about them both coming to stay. That would be an address she could give.

Which brings about the problem of her leaving the UK with the baby, if it’s born here. The UK and S Korea are both signatories of The Hague Convention. She would need DS’ permission to leave the UK with the baby - otherwise it could be considered to be child abduction and would trigger cooperation between the authorities to return the child to the UK. They really haven’t thought this through.

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 21:57

ThisMellowCat · 28/12/2025 20:22

I get where you’re coming from, age doesn’t really come into this on his side or yours. What matters is he’s in uni, she’s over here until September, and it seems to me that either she hasn’t told her parents yet or if she has they have hit the roof, and he’s trying to get the lay of the land where you’re concerned saying they can both move in.
when does he finish uni? He best be finding somewhere for them to live, expecting that they can move in with you and bring a baby up under your roof is quite a step to take, and not one he’s thought through. I think your first step is to get her around and find out what her parents have said and if either you or them are in a position to help them.

If it's a successful pregnancy, she won't be able to complete her studies because she'll have dropped the kid months before September and the pregnancy itself could interfere with those studies and then she's in breach of her visa conditions. There's no point the son worrying about a place to live when she's not going to legally allowed to stay here. As for grandparents both mucking into help - not really possible when one set is in the UK and tie other is in Korea.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:58

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Lavenderblue11 · 28/12/2025 22:00

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

It's very relevant if it means there is a risk of her returning home and taking thr baby with her..

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 22:03

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 21:56

Which brings about the problem of her leaving the UK with the baby, if it’s born here. The UK and S Korea are both signatories of The Hague Convention. She would need DS’ permission to leave the UK with the baby - otherwise it could be considered to be child abduction and would trigger cooperation between the authorities to return the child to the UK. They really haven’t thought this through.

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It's absolutely unworkable! She won't have any legal rights to live here, he won't have the ability to work because he doesn't a speak any Korean and would take him countless years to get a decent grasp on the language and their alphabet! What's he gonna do? Throw his degree away and clean toilets or something! If they've got sense they'll not let the pregnancy go ahead because there's just no solution and 6 month relationship isn't long term and solid enough to be going through the shit they are going to go through.

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 22:06

Danceparty55 · 28/12/2025 21:48

I can imagine this is hard news… but I think you need to try again and embrace supporting them. Otherwise there is every possibility they will move away and you’ll have no relationship.

How are they going to move away? These are students with no money! He won't be able to go and live Korea and she can't legally stay here, there is no middle ground here where they can just live together happily and see how it goes. She isn't even going to be able to complete her studies and then she'll be in breach of her study visa. There's no future in this!

TeaAndTattoos · 28/12/2025 22:15

Has anyone calling the OP a hypocrite stopped to think that her having a child so young may not have been her choice.

FlyingCatGirl · 28/12/2025 22:23

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP get your son to look online at the realities of moving to South Korea, he has no credentials to be accepted to live there because he doesn't speak or read Korean, he can't then get the job sponsorship and earn the income requirements! It's for business people further up the career ladder and even then I've just read posts from people that said it was ridiculously expensive to live there, the people don't really accept you or communicate well with you and people have got sick of it and come back home.
He won't be living in Korea so what does he plan to do when she has to leave? Have a really expensive custody battle? He needs to realise how impossible this is.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 22:44

ByWisePanda · 28/12/2025 21:37

She'll be fine she will get housed here so op don't have to worry.

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That's complete nonsense. Where I live there are 14000 people on a waiting list for council housing so your thoughts that she will get housed here is complete clap trap

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 22:45

TeaAndTattoos · 28/12/2025 22:15

Has anyone calling the OP a hypocrite stopped to think that her having a child so young may not have been her choice.

Awful the posts that have been made re this. Some people get raped or sexually abused and folk should shut up unless they know the full story

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 22:46

No one where I live gets a council house unless they have a local connection to the area which the gf does not

TeaAndTattoos · 28/12/2025 22:52

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 22:45

Awful the posts that have been made re this. Some people get raped or sexually abused and folk should shut up unless they know the full story

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My thoughts exactly from what she wrote it certainly sounded like that’s what happened and it was damn brave of her to choose to bring him up on her own at such a young age.