Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

The fact that she is from a very far away place and that indeed, it can be causing some more hiccups along the way?

Save us the racism or misplaced comment please 👀

The difference is that in this case is Korean, she can't just decide to stay here and certainly won't be allowed to legally work here so how does she expect to provide or contribute to the OP or her child's upbringing. And there's still the fact that she may have to go home to Korea and the OPs son ends up having zero relationship with his kid! What they've done is incredibly stupid!

Yes It’s very relevant 🙄

Did you not really read about the mother being Korean and not having any legal rights to be here if not studying? Did your brain really not register the many big pitfalls here that are completely different to the Ops situation?

This is a great practical message from you
also how far along is she ......
op doesn't want to be saddled with childcare
the DS shows immaturity by sulking at the end of it great father figure

Was the OP in a relationship with her son's father for only 6 months, was her son's father from Korea, and only here legally to study and then have to leave? Was the OP in a position where the father would potentially have to take the kid to Korea and she'd never see it! There's a big gulf of difference between the OPs situation and what her son has done! There are immigrants laws at play here!

Given all everyone has said about it being shameful to be a single mother in South Korea, it's possible that the pregnancy won't go ahead when she tells her family. I do know of one such situation where the parents were told, the overseas family said it was shameful and told the woman (in her late 20s to early 30s) to terminate the pregnancy, so she did.

a SON can still be a cunt you know. In fact every male wanker, cunt and arsehole I have ever met has been someones SON.

Whats your point again?

There wasn't the complication for OP of the babies father being from Korea and having zero rights to stay here! She is legally here just to study, what happens if it's a bad pregnancy and she can't even finish studying, she'll be booted out the UK even quicker! How can you be in such denial about the vast differences in situations?

Surely this is a way of her staying here and not returning to Korea

Not your business on any level

Not really, millions of people surprise their parents with the announcement through cute gifts.

If anything it shows he is comfortable with his life choice, happy and thought he would be 'supported' in his happiness by his mother... sad the later isn't true.

Not like that. Wrapping up a pregnancy test and asking his mum to open it in front of the family. Fuck all cute about that

I get where you’re coming from, age doesn’t really come into this on his side or yours. What matters is he’s in uni, she’s over here until September, and it seems to me that either she hasn’t told her parents yet or if she has they have hit the roof, and he’s trying to get the lay of the land where you’re concerned saying they can both move in.
when does he finish uni? He best be finding somewhere for them to live, expecting that they can move in with you and bring a baby up under your roof is quite a step to take, and not one he’s thought through. I think your first step is to get her around and find out what her parents have said and if either you or them are in a position to help them.

Well yes, she's an international student who by the sounds of the post could well be returning to her home country after her studies. Leave to remain isn't ever guaranteed even if she intends to, especially not in the current political climate.

If it was me and ds was over 18 I'd voice my concerns once and only once. The baby is coming now so that can't be changed. It's happened. I'd not risk pissing off my dil on day 1.

I'd say that you will talk about them moving post graduation at that point but won't be financially supporting them or free childcare to set expectations from day 1.

I don't know Korean culture, but in a lot of cultures you as GM would be expected to do full time childcare. So that needs to be discussed.

How will she have the baby and study? Uni creche? My ds said its very normal to hear baby's crying in his lectures. He is at a RG uni.

It might be a terrible choice but it's his choice and it's made. All you do now really is roll with it. I'd be shocked too.

I think judging is probably ok in this instance! You both know how hard it can be, and most of us tend to want more for our children than we had / have for ourselves. I would assume that most people who became parents in their teens would not wish that for their own child.
Similarly the fact that he is having a child with someone he is not in a long-term relationship with, and who is (presumably) non-resident in the uk comes with a host of additional difficulties. OP, no advice except try and be honest me supportive of your son, make sure he understands his options and wishing you all the very best.

I agree @Roobarbtwo . This smacks of an immature child who thought they might escape a reaction they didn’t want if they did this publicly.

They both sound immature. If they are going to have a baby then they need to make plans about where to live, how they are going to provide for it etc, not expect you to step in and house/support them. It’s not your responsibility.

And the age you were when you had a child is totally irrelevant.

She's doing a post grad. She'll be finished this year

That’s what I thought.

I was going to say about you must of been a young mum yourself! I’m 38 my daughter is 19 and I was 19 when I had her. You can’t really say much because it would be hypocritical.

Why is it hypocritical to not want your son to make the same mistakes you did ? OP’s son gave OP the pregnancy test as a ‘gift’ and made her open it in company, thus ensuring a suitable response which would then pave the way for him asking could all three of them live with her when the baby’s born. Disrespectful, manipulative, controlling and totally out of order. OP’s never laid eyes on the girl and she’s an overseas student due back in her home country not long after the baby is born. It’s a car crash and I can’t see any reason why OP would be happy about any aspect of the situation. They both sound feckless and immature - great potential parents.

Yes she can. She can object to being told that they are all coming to Iive with her

Agree, and totally irrelevant to boot !!