Page 23 | Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

JHound · 28/12/2025 18:32

Dawnb19 · 28/12/2025 17:52

It such a difficult situation. Would she even be allowed to stop in the UK to have the baby or would your grandchild be born in Korea? I can understand how confusing this must be for you but can't you at least organise a dinner and invite her over to get to know what their plan is?

You say she's 26 but isn't that 24- 25 in the UK years? I remember backpacking around Asia and their ages aren't like ours. I think they are already 1 when they are born then turn 2 on the 1st January.

WHUT?

GreenFriedTomato · 28/12/2025 18:33

Trishyb10 · 28/12/2025 18:21

Be proud that they will both be achieving degrees, be proud a termination isnt on the cards, CANNOT believe you will not be there for backup, your not going to let them move in so can you not see the pressure that piles on them and the possible awful repercussions for them… what a horrible being you are…

Horrible being? The son hasn't even had the decency to introduce pregnant girlfriend to the family, clearly hasn't thought anything through and expects mum to pick up the pieces. Bright enough to study for a degree but not responsible enough to stand on his own 2 feet and look after his own family?
Doesn't mum get to have a life too? Or is she simply expected to spend her life looking after adult children and their partners and offspring.
How about taking responsibility and growing up.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 18:33

Trishyb10 · 28/12/2025 18:21

Be proud that they will both be achieving degrees, be proud a termination isnt on the cards, CANNOT believe you will not be there for backup, your not going to let them move in so can you not see the pressure that piles on them and the possible awful repercussions for them… what a horrible being you are…

No she's not horrible. As I said earlier on in the thread my mum has a friend who had her daughter living with her. The daughter got pregnant. The bf moved in. They haven't given her a penny towards any expense in over two years. They use her for childcare

They were offered two council homes and refused them - and they have finally bought a house and the mum can't wait to see them gone. Not because she doesn't love her daughter but because they've used her - and she's on disability benefits herself while both of them work full time

No. The son can get a job and so can the gf. She's pregnant - not unwell. The OP has no responsibility to house them on any level and potentially doesn't have the room for them

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 18:33

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2025 18:02

I would let my son and the woman carrying my grandchild move in if they needed to. You don’t want her fleeing to Korea. If baby is born here your son will have more rights. but I’m confused you said she’s leaving the country, but they want to move in?
if her parents are kinder, strong chance your son will become a tefl teacher in Korea and they’ll both move out there

South Korea is not the arse end of nowhere?! She’s clearly from a wealthy family as they can afford to send her for a British education.

which uni is she at OP?

Joeninety · 28/12/2025 18:34

Wow. Better than socks..............Or worse, depending one's outlook !

JHound · 28/12/2025 18:34

GreenFriedTomato · 28/12/2025 17:53

Yet another ridiculous pot/kettle/hypocrite type comment. It has been stated Multiple times that it isn't hypocrisy to want better for your own children.

It's entirely reasonable for someone to be disappointed or concerned if they see their own children making similar unwise decisions they made in the past.

I dropped out of education and wasted years of study and ended up in dead end jobs. By your logic, I should be silent if my daughter does the same? If I had children, I'd like them to avoid making the same mistakes not repeat them.

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The amount of MNers who think parents cannot want their kids to make better choices is bonkers.

My dad went to prison so by MN logic if I break the law and go to jail he cannot be annoyed and must support me in my criminal endeavour.

Absolutely 🦇💩 logic.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 18:35

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 18:33

South Korea is not the arse end of nowhere?! She’s clearly from a wealthy family as they can afford to send her for a British education.

which uni is she at OP?

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Absolutely this. International fees at UK unis are a lot. Her family obviously has money to spare

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 18:35

Oh sorry @Unexpectedlysinglemum- I misread your post, I thought you said the GC will have more rights but you said DS. Ignore me!!!

JHound · 28/12/2025 18:36

Trishyb10 · 28/12/2025 18:21

Be proud that they will both be achieving degrees, be proud a termination isnt on the cards, CANNOT believe you will not be there for backup, your not going to let them move in so can you not see the pressure that piles on them and the possible awful repercussions for them… what a horrible being you are…

They chose to keep the child. They are pretty stupid if they have not figured out how they can support it.

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 18:42

JHound · 28/12/2025 18:36

They chose to keep the child. They are pretty stupid if they have not figured out how they can support it.

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in fairness, how many posters on here (and parents in real life) decide to have children and are suddenly flabbergasted that they need to feed them everyday and find childcare during school holidays 😂

Who would have thought hey! So people having kids without figuring out the details, when the child wasn't even planned....

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 18:43

Sounds like neither of them have thought this through.

A relative of mine has a S.Korean wife. She was shocked about how accepting our family is to those of us who are single mothers. Because single mothers there really are horribly discriminated against, they are looked down on in all ways. She actually prefers living in western culture because it is less pressured than it is in S.Korea and she says is more forgiving than her native culture is. She described it as "one strike and you're out", and says MH issues are a huge problem there because there is always this fear of making one mistake and your whole life being fucked up.

So the pregnant GF is not going to have a good time of it when she goes home. And as PP have pointed out, getting a free pass back ain't going to happen anytime soon, if at all.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 28/12/2025 18:43

Is this girl really after staying in this country as a And using your son as a meal ticket.

Sorry to sound so cynical .

But l cant see their relationship lasting.

Hope you can get something sorted. You have every right to be upset.

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 28/12/2025 18:45

JohnnysMama · 28/12/2025 17:46

Well, you had your DS at 18 so what’s the problem? I’m sure you were helped, why wouldn’t you help them?

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Why on earth would anyone help them? She doesn’t even know this woman. Doesn’t even know whether the baby is his, neither does he for that matter given they’ve been together for all of five minutes.

It’s not the same as when it’s your daughter who’s pregnant. Sorry but it’s not. Your son comes home, presents a pregnancy test and announces that there’s going to be a baby. No sign of being introduced to the mother, no certainty whether the baby is his, just “happy Christmas mum, can I move this pregnant stranger in and you’ll financially support her?” Fuck that.

If he’s got a woman pregnant then the responsibility for that is his and his alone.

Wooky073 · 28/12/2025 18:50

Is she from N or S Korea? Which one is important. Im sure you know that N Korea is pretty much a dictator state with no one going in or out. You do not want your grandchild born there or you may never seem them again. I presume she is from S Korea given she is an international student. She is possibly at uni hoping to meet a UK national to start a relationship with. But it can work well.
If you want to help sort this out and ensure your son and grandchild remain part of your life then you need to become more accomodating.

I agree that the delivery of the news was not the best and timing for asking to move in also not great (showing their naivety). But once you get over the shock of it, start having adult discussions with your son. You need to meet her, discuss their plans. The questions I have are whether marriage is on the cards (may or may not be important for her culturally), how they will finish their degrees with a new baby (the university can provide support but even so it will be challenging). i presume they are at different uni's if they met online? Are they even both in UK?
Tread carefully and provide support or loose your son and grandson

Audiprettier · 28/12/2025 18:54

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 28/12/2025 18:43

Is this girl really after staying in this country as a And using your son as a meal ticket.

Sorry to sound so cynical .

But l cant see their relationship lasting.

Hope you can get something sorted. You have every right to be upset.

Ditto!
Korea has a completely different culture from here, so I'd definitely be concerned!
Plus I'm pretty sure she'll want to go home at some point. Or, is she just after that ticket to stay here? IMO she is! Good luck with whatever is decided! 💐

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 18:55

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 28/12/2025 18:45

Why on earth would anyone help them? She doesn’t even know this woman. Doesn’t even know whether the baby is his, neither does he for that matter given they’ve been together for all of five minutes.

It’s not the same as when it’s your daughter who’s pregnant. Sorry but it’s not. Your son comes home, presents a pregnancy test and announces that there’s going to be a baby. No sign of being introduced to the mother, no certainty whether the baby is his, just “happy Christmas mum, can I move this pregnant stranger in and you’ll financially support her?” Fuck that.

If he’s got a woman pregnant then the responsibility for that is his and his alone.

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It’s not the same as when it’s your daughter who’s pregnant. Sorry but it’s not.

and you wonder why families are less close with son's mothers with that attitude 😂

If he’s got a woman pregnant then the responsibility for that is his and his alone.
true.

However, he's not a complete stranger, and in normal families, you try to help your kids out and try to keep them in your life.

AlexaMachesca · 28/12/2025 18:55

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2025 22:38

I don’t understand why you don’t understand? If OP was a young parent herself, and experienced all the struggles which came with that, surely she’s better placed than most to appreciate how difficult it’s going to be for him, so is obviously going to be upset as she already knows the difficulties that lie ahead…

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But it's giving her DS a really negative message about OP feels about having had him at a young age.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 18:56

Wooky073 · 28/12/2025 18:50

Is she from N or S Korea? Which one is important. Im sure you know that N Korea is pretty much a dictator state with no one going in or out. You do not want your grandchild born there or you may never seem them again. I presume she is from S Korea given she is an international student. She is possibly at uni hoping to meet a UK national to start a relationship with. But it can work well.
If you want to help sort this out and ensure your son and grandchild remain part of your life then you need to become more accomodating.

I agree that the delivery of the news was not the best and timing for asking to move in also not great (showing their naivety). But once you get over the shock of it, start having adult discussions with your son. You need to meet her, discuss their plans. The questions I have are whether marriage is on the cards (may or may not be important for her culturally), how they will finish their degrees with a new baby (the university can provide support but even so it will be challenging). i presume they are at different uni's if they met online? Are they even both in UK?
Tread carefully and provide support or loose your son and grandson

If she somehow managed to escape N.Korea (unlikely) then there is no way she will be going back as returning defectors are excecuted. No parent who has any idea about life in NK would risk their child being brough up there. It is not "pretty much a dictator state". It is a totalitarian regime.

Defectors are also hunted down by NK agents, often masquarading as SK citizens. So I think we can all safely assume she is is from SK.

I recommend reading The Girl with Seven Names by Hyonseo Lee for a start.

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 18:57

Audiprettier · 28/12/2025 18:54

Ditto!
Korea has a completely different culture from here, so I'd definitely be concerned!
Plus I'm pretty sure she'll want to go home at some point. Or, is she just after that ticket to stay here? IMO she is! Good luck with whatever is decided! 💐

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There is no ticket to stay here. It's going to be very hard for her to do so after her visa runs out

Isabella93 · 28/12/2025 18:58

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

Why “innovation” 🙄 ?

Is that degree choice not good enough for your son and grandchild. Or is it the fact she’s Korean too?

Going by your post he’s 2 years older than you were when you became a parent.

I agree that the unboxing infront of everyone was a shock, but what’s done is done. They are both grown, if you don’t want to help them then don’t help but don’t complain when your not a part of your grandchild’s life.

therealdeal9 · 28/12/2025 18:59

Is DS’s dad an active parent and if yes, what did he say?

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 28/12/2025 18:59

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Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 19:00

Isabella93 · 28/12/2025 18:58

Why “innovation” 🙄 ?

Is that degree choice not good enough for your son and grandchild. Or is it the fact she’s Korean too?

Going by your post he’s 2 years older than you were when you became a parent.

I agree that the unboxing infront of everyone was a shock, but what’s done is done. They are both grown, if you don’t want to help them then don’t help but don’t complain when your not a part of your grandchild’s life.

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She hasn't even met the gf

Roobarbtwo · 28/12/2025 19:01

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I agree

Mayana1 · 28/12/2025 19:03

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

I'm sorry you feel bad of being a grandma at 38, do you feel better if I tell you I had my first child at 38? When you start having kids early, you are a grandma early. I have a happy nearly 4 year old, being 42 now.
The fact that she is leaving is bigger problem, I guess, but they can make it work. Maybe she will continue with her study here, maybe he will consider moving there? Did you ask him any of these questions?