Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

If he was that scared I think is says as much about OP as him tbh

Discord was the name of the website where they chatted and met. And it’s not OP who should be giving her head a wobble. It’s DS for thinking he could manipulate and bully his mother into accepting the situation and giving them all a roof over their heads because he hasn’t given supporting a family the slightest thought.

I guess

who said it was her fault? She doesn't want to be involved, she doesn't have to.

We can only hope she gets her wish and doesn't have to be involved at all and can even forget about being a grand-mother. What more do you want?

I don’t think he was scared at all. I think he deliberately announced the pregnancy very publicly to pave the way for suggesting all three of them live with OP when the baby is born. It’s manipulative and controlling and the misogyny on this thread is actually quite disturbing.

What a ridiculous comment

Yours? Absolutely.

No, yours. You’re suggesting that OP should allow her son to manipulate and bully her into supplying a ready made home for them all because he hasn’t given a single thought as to how he’s going to provide for the family he helped create. This isn’t OP’s problem to sort and she’s not doing anyone any favours by accepting responsibility.

Genuine accidental pregnancies are incredibly rare.

Contraception when used correctly is 99.99% accurate. The majority of pregnancies which occur on contraception are due to incorrect use.

And any couple who has been together for less than a decent period, i.e. I would probably apply the similar timeframe to meeting the kids i.e. a year should both be using contraception.

It’s far too much of a coincidence the amount of people who fall pregnant so soon into relationships. The majority of those are just being wreckless, let’s acknowledge it for what it is.

Nope. If both partners used contraception correctly it’s 99.99% effective. I simply don’t believe that two highly intelligent people working hard to secure their future would leave something like this to chance.

Have you met people?

Having a child isn't the end of someone's future. My mum had me at 19 when she was at university and finished her degree.

What would you like most about it?

Re-reading your post, OP, I see that you've said:

"DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?"

Do they mean that they might move in this summer? I had assumed that he would have another 18 months of study to do, as he is only 20.

If they are graduating this year, is he going to be revising for finals with a new baby to take care of?

I am assuming that he will start work after Uni and would be able to pay rent on a flat. She will eventually be working too. Why would they prefer to share with you? My worry would be that they imagine that free childcare will be on tap.

And that sounds like a more stable situation as opposed to having a child overseas while on a temporary student visa with another younger student and no income.. Also unclear whether the woman's family are even supportive of this supposedly unplanned pregnancy. It's unlikely her parents will be overjoyed at the reality of her returning with an MSc, and a suprise baby in tow

It's very likely this baby is an "anchor" baby. But this is by no means an easy option, her upbringing will make this very very difficult either way, her parents having devoted so much of their resources to ensuring their child is educated and attains a certain status. The young woman now faces giving birth and raising a child alone and far from home. There is also no way she won't have internalised at least some degree of shame from this upbringing. So, I feel for her. But I really do wish them all the very best.

There is also no way she won't have internalised at least some degree of shame from this upbringing.

Whuch makes accidental pregnancy much more likely than an anchor baby

There are clearly multiple practical issues here. Visas, residency, finances and so on.
Called me old fashioned though but instead of chucking a pregnancy test across the turkey and telling OP they'll all be moving in. Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to travel home with the girlfriend, introduce her to mum, and then drop the bombshell during a proper conversation with all parties present?
I can't get my head around OP's son not even introducing his pregnant partner. Surely that would be the first step?
Where did the girlfriend spend Christmas? Was she alone? It wasn't with her own family

has he resurfaced to talk more about it? Does he have a plan? A part time job?

There is no such thing as an anchor baby, under the British Nationality Act of 1981 and subsequent immigration legislation. Its mother acquires no rights to remain in the UK as a result of the birth of the child, even though the child is a UK citizen, and even though the child was born in the UK. She has to meet the same visa requirements as any other South Korean citizen.

Maybe she is misinformed and thinks she is getting an anchor baby, but she isn't. She can look forward to dealing with the minimum household income requirement of £29k (possibly going up quite a bit) and paying the NHS surcharge. Or she can take the baby back to Korea and DS can either try to follow her, or not.

Again wrt finances. Are they living together at present or separately? Either way they'll still be paying for accomodation at Uni so why not get their own place instead of expecting OP to house them.
If the situation is that precarious that they can't afford to rent somewhere to live, in addition to potential visa/residency/money issues, I'd be considering a termination if I were in that position.
If they have a plan and the financial means to make it work then by all means crack on and good luck to them. It doesn't sound like it though..

You obviously had a child at 18! Pot kettle springs to mind

I'd bet my bottom dollar that he means the girlfriend moves in this summer with a brand new baby while he carries on going to college every term to finish his degree in 2027.

Well, you had your DS at 18 so what’s the problem? I’m sure you were helped, why wouldn’t you help them?