Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

Not the Korean bit but presumably she is on a student visa and can't stay in the UK?

She’ll only be a single mother if she goes back to Korea in which case none of that is relevant.

Wow people having a pop at OP for having been a teenage parent herself.

I was a teenage parent myself and I’d be absolutely devastated if DD had to go through the same because I know full well the challenges it poses and how it will alter her life forever. As a young parent the last thing you want is for your children to go through it as well.

It’s different for a young man but still, no wonder OP isn’t over the moon. Plus the extra complications of an international relationship.

Of course it is statistics, and they tell us that highly educated SK women from wealthy backgrounds do not generally need to ensnare British lads barely out of their teens with visa babies, which is the conclusion many people have leaped ro.

I doubt she’ll want to be a single mother in SK

wouldn’t she get a long term visa / citizenship if they marry?

Also OP I’d tread carefully, as you might push him away and they might move to Korea. It’s a tough situation.

Also sorry you’re getting so many daft comments on having a baby young 🤷‍♀️

She is on a student visa. It is pretty likely she will have to leqve. It is also pretty likely that they will split up even if she stays in the UK.

Is the baby due before or after her student visa expires?
The baby could get British citizenship through your son, but that doesn't extend to her having a right to stay in the uk. She can apply for a family visa which is a onerous and exoensive task in itself, but they need to be earning about £30 k a year to support her. Similarly your ds would need to meet income requirements to get a Korean visa
A 26 year old woman knows how to stop babies coming- visa baby for sure!!

Well she’s the one making issue of having a baby young. That’s literally what her OP is about.

I'm baffled as to how he came to think that wrapping up a used pregnancy test in Christmas paper and then encouraging his Mum to open it as her present from him, while the rest of the family watched, was a nice thing to do.

I feel for you, OP.

He could have bought something nice like earrings or your favourite perfume and then told you his news later.

It is also pretty likely that they will split up even if she stays in the UK.
What makes you think that?

Like a creepy public proposal, to force her hand in reacting.

I suspect he didnt have the balls to tell her.

He clearly thought she’d be thrilled to bits. How wrong he was.

Because they barely know each other, come from vastly different cultures, will be under huge family stress on both sides, have apparently given the visa situation no thought, are expecting OP to sort the mess out, and DS's idea of adapting to his partner's culture is downloading Duolingo once he discovers she is pregnant.

Yes but doesn’t it depend more on how they feel about each other than any of that? It sounds like OPs son actually wants to be a father based on how he’s behaved.

Live sometimes conquers all. But often it doesn't.

Oh right.

Did the GF give the DS the test stick as his early present and he decided this was so adorable he'd pass this on ?

This is a massive shock and the way the news has been shared backed you into a corner so I can understand why you are so upset.

but - if there’s going to be a baby how you manage the situation moving forwards is so so important so you don’t lose DS & DGC. I would be apologising for initial reaction to the news and saying yes of course you can move in when degrees are finished. Whether that happens or not in the end they will need the security of knowing you have their backs.

imagine how you’d feel if your DD was pregnant in Korea and had nowhere to live? I’d imagine for all his bravado your son is feeling scared too.

btw Innovation is one of the flagship degrees at UoB, it is very much about training young people to be entrepreneurs and popular with employers.

South Korea isn't a great place for women, there's a reason it has the lowest (or one of the lowest) birthrate in the world.
This article gives some really interesting background.

www.feministcurrent.com/2020/06/15/the-south-korean-womens-movement-we-are-not-flowers-we-are-a-fire/

I wonder if she is hoping to stay in the UK. So long as she wants to stay with your son, (and he with her) so they can be a family then that will be for the best and whilst I too would be furious and disappointed, all you can do now is help make the best of the situation.

If she's done this to get UK residency and plans on moving on from your son once her situation is secure that will be a bit shit all round and I hope this isn't the case

It’s a lot to take in, especially in public.

I have to say if this thread is real it is extremely outing for the pregnant girlfriend

He’ll be swiftly changing his mind when reality hits and uni student life goes out the window

He already showed he’s nowhere near mature enough by suggesting they could all just move in with his mum once their degrees wrap up

I wouldn't assume that at all. South Korea is a brilliant country although not too sympathetic to single mothers.

I wonder if your son presented it publicly because he was worried about your reaction and thought you'd be less likely to kick off if told in public?